Modern culture - I hope you won't accuse us of old grumbling - is doomed to cheap theatrical gestures. Just look at all these short-term video blogs that rise to the top with their certainly primitive, somewhat wild humor. Social networks have changed people, they have changed men. For the better? God knows, it seems to us that there is little good in this. We see how people make faces, flaunt their “successes,” their wealth, and even, in a sense, their intelligence.
Everyone digs in their own swamp and tries to become a unique and original person there. But this happens not because of achievements, not because of hard work, but because of a gesture: you go out with your bare ass into the city square, smear yourself with feces and shout: “Yes, that’s who I am, and if you don’t like it, then fuck you!” Of course, many will begin to applaud, whistle, they may make an idol out of you, or they may throw you off the stage. However, after all this action, you realize how empty your life was, and how generally expectations do not correspond to reality. And it makes no difference where this scene is located: in a professional field, on the Internet or among a group of friends. The result is always the same.
Modern society considers modesty to be some kind of rudiment that defines losers, or something that makes a lady beautiful, but not a man who must tear, and throw, and speak loudly about himself. However, when you are faced with the grin of a hard life, extreme, you understand that this is precisely the quality of a person that separates you from your own bestial side. And I hope there is no need to explain why the beast inside you is bad.
Primordial Virtue
Let's go back to basics. Why has modesty been considered a positive quality at all times and in all cultures? You can, of course, cite some religious arguments as an example, but the truth lies on the surface. For the most part, people live worse than average. There is always a class of rich people and tons of poor people. And, of course, the majority of the population has a certain line that the rich should not cross, otherwise they will face a very sad time, which is called revolution.
When we see how serious the difference is between the incomes of the majority of the population and the elite, the thought immediately arises in our heads: “Did I choose the right job for myself?” How are such corners smoothed? If we talk about the natural solution that was in use among the same Russian aristocrats, then this is banal modesty. If merchants and traders allowed themselves to show off their wealth right and left, then the nobles, as a rule, did not like to dwell on this matter. At the end of the 19th century, among other things, there was a well-known tradition when the main representative of a noble family washed the feet of his servants, peasants, and workers. Now it would probably look wild if our officials washed the feet of metallurgical factory workers.
The same can be said about such a formation as “gentlemen,” who trace their tradition straight from the chivalry of the Renaissance. However, the very institution of “gentlemanship” has long since decayed in the Western world, but in our country, in fact, we never had it. But we do believe that there would be much less irritation in society if every wealthy person ceased to present his wealth or position as something that elevates him above the rest. These are simple rules of decency that are increasingly forgotten.
Complete control over your mind and body
If you are modest in drink, food, clothing, then you are not a monk from some remote place, not a martyr or a hermit. If you limit yourself in material goods or use only what you need, then you are the same person who is in complete control of your spirit and your body. You won't climb Everest if you're tied to parmesan and a warm bed, you won't cross the Atlantic in a longship if you can't live a day without a piece of good meat. Could Roman soldiers have walked such a victorious path through the world if their lives had been idle, stupid and full of excesses?
Many will say: “Why limit myself if I have both money and opportunities?” Well, here, our friend, it comes down to the strength of your personality. If you cannot control your property, then it controls you. Just like I said.
Nobody likes shy guys, but...
But modest ones attract girls' sympathy. And here’s the thing: if you have any achievements, and you report them to your girlfriend at every corner, the result will be the suppression of her personality. She either feels insignificant (if she believes you) or feels disappointed (if you are arrogant).
Yes, we must clearly understand that embarrassment and modesty are not synonyms at all. If you are, then, as a rule, you will not have any achievements. You simply cannot get out of your proverbial comfort zone. But modest guys are a different matter. They don’t have to assert themselves through the failures and mistakes of other people. They understand perfectly well that people have different abilities and it is better to help with advice rather than tell “your success story” when this “success story”, among other things, is very doubtful.
Talk less and do more, and then you will be popular among the fair sex.
Modesty is a sign of taste
There is also such an important part of modern life as. And they don’t expect from a man what is expected from a peacock or an Arab sheikh. If you see an unhealthy imbalance, then you immediately understand that something is wrong with the guy. In the traditions of some nations, it is customary to flaunt their material assets: a flashy sports car, expensive watches, jewelry, a bunch of useless but insanely expensive accessories. But in a civilized society this is called “gypsyism,” which clearly speaks of the intellectual level of the person in front of you and whether it is worth dealing with him.
There are some standards that you should adhere to just for the sake of decency, and everything else looks cheap and vulgar, even if you have millions in your pockets.
All psychological problems come from childhood. Contrary to popular belief, modesty is a character trait that interferes with living and building social and personal relationships normally. Today it is difficult to predict how successfully a modest guy will be able to adapt to society. Sometimes this quality becomes a serious obstacle to success.
The Nature of Modesty
The person has a high level of emotionality. All our experiences are reflected in everyday life. Each emotion manifests itself differently in the human body. When experiencing fear, a person feels a chill in the stomach and dizziness. Aggression is reflected in muscle contractions. Modesty causes a whole stream of strange sensations. For a shy person, whole life is one continuous test. He is in constant nervous tension and feels normal only in a familiar, standard environment for his psyche.
Modesty is not defined as a mental disorder, but it does lead to a number of problems.
Modest guys often remain “on the other side of the barricades.” They are underestimated, not heard and not noticed, which is basically what they are trying to achieve. However, over time, a moment comes when you want banal affection and praise, but there is simply no person who understands your feelings, aspirations, experiences.
Loneliness for such a guy becomes the norm of life. Excessive modesty does not allow a person to advance in life and leaves merits in work unnoticed. Even having a family does not save you from shyness. Modest young people fall in love with a powerful woman who resembles a mother. The manifestation of this character trait is influenced by 2 factors.
- Heredity.
- Wrong upbringing.
Overcoming shyness in childhood is much easier. A character trait that has not yet acquired phobias, self-doubt and other complexes is easily modeled into the correct behavioral reaction.
The main reason for manifestations of hyper-embarrassment is the omission of parents. The child does not know how to react to surrounding factors and expresses this in his own way.
Usually any irritants cause a storm of emotions and hysterics. Under the influence of a hyper-shy parent or an overly domineering one, an incorrect picture of the world’s perception is formed. The child is afraid of people, of other people's assessments. The main component of modesty is fear. The older a person gets, the more he realizes his inferiority. He is not able to start a conversation with his peers, he sits at home all the time when they are walking and learning about the world through trial and error. A modest guy doesn’t have this opportunity.
Psychological portrait of a modest guy
The first characteristic feature of shy men is isolation, which is provoked by fear of society. She shows a reluctance to start conversations. Discomfort in communication forces a person to withdraw into his own imaginary world. If the interlocutor is active and in the mood for communication, he is able to bring the silent person out of his stupor.
The second characteristic feature of a modest guy is awkwardness. She practically never leaves the modest guy. Engaged in regular self-examination, a person does not find any positive qualities in himself. It is awkward for a person to be even in a familiar circle. Due to the lack of communication experience, the guy is afraid to do or say something unnecessary.
Critical self-analysis is a characteristic feature of the psychological portrait of a modest man. A person constantly analyzes himself and what is happening. He creates his own comfortable world, consisting of a continuous chain of assessments, unclear judgments, and attitudes.
Modesty is defined as a structural component of personality that brings discomfort, reduces the quality of life, and interferes with a person’s development in society.
Behavioral characteristics of a modest guy:
- not suitable to be the first to meet;
- rarely engages in conversation;
- shows almost no emotions;
- rarely goes out with peers;
- mostly communicates with girls on social networks or via SMS messages;
- dependent on other people's opinions;
- always looks good, neatly dressed.
Mistakes when raising shy boys
In childhood, it is important not to miss the moment, otherwise shyness will remain a constant companion in the boy’s life. The first signs of modesty are noted already at the age of 2, when, at the sight of strangers, the boy hides behind his mother or does not raise his eyes. Everything foreign and unknown looks frightening to him and causes a storm of emotions. In addition to behavioral reactions, the child experiences increased fatigue.
In such a child, during development, the thought process prevails over physical activity.
The child is unable to express his emotions either verbally or figuratively, which negatively affects his mental state and general health. The modest boy is touchy and in a bad mood almost all the time. A child can behave relaxed only next to his mother or in the most comfortable situation for him.
In kindergartens and schools, such children rarely open up, practically do not communicate with their peers, and sit silently in the corner.
With overly developed modesty, the child begins to fear society. Going to the store can cause a panic attack. This is an extreme case. To prevent the development of hypermodesty, consult a neurologist. Communicate more with your child, do not close him off from the world. Enroll in an early development group of 3-5 people. This will allow the child to learn to communicate with peers and attract the attention of the teacher.
In kindergarten, usually modest children do not have the opportunity to express themselves. Few teachers call the kids to action a second time, citing the fact that there are too many children in the group. This is another reason for the development of complexes in children, when more active peers take part in all programs, and the rest act as mute spectators.
The child must be involved in the life processes of society. Try several circles at once. Choose the one that he likes most. He needs people to surround him. This could be dancing, drawing, modeling, gymnastics. Modest people perform well in sports and creativity.
The nuances of communicating with a modest man
Due to the lack of information among parents, and sometimes experience and qualified specialists, a wide variety of complexes flourish in our world. It rarely occurs to anyone to “treat shyness” in childhood: a modest child looks cute. But when he grows up, his problems are not “nice” at all. If a guy is too shy and doesn’t communicate much with others, this does not mean that he does not experience a standard set of feelings. He, like everyone else, needs the love and affection of a woman.
In a relationship with such a guy, you will have to take on the main role. The first step is to make sure that he really likes you. This will be noticeable in your behavior. When he meets you, he lowers his eyes, blushes, and during a conversation he cannot string together two words, but in messages he scribbles entire pages.
Shy guys look well-groomed, they are often handsome and pumped up.
For such a person, everything about his appearance is important. Every time he thinks that he is not good enough, so he constantly tries to improve himself. At first glance, a girl cannot understand why such a handsome man stays alone. And in his soul there is a hive of complexes, and he is afraid of the girl he likes like a natural disaster.
The key to starting a relationship is trusting communication. Eliminate mocking tone and criticism. Try to communicate calmly and adequately perceive his humor (remember that he has little experience in communication). With your help, a young man will be able to discover facets of character that he himself did not know about. He will feel more confident in public and will be more open.
Shy men make good husbands.
But it is necessary that the first experience of communicating with a woman becomes positive, and does not end in a fiasco. Defeat will only strengthen his inferiority complex. It is important to understand that pathological modesty is the result of long-term work; the complex was cultivated like a flower and it will be difficult to eradicate it.
A woman should not be too persistent. The first sexual experience for such guys is also very stressful, so you should be careful when leading a shy boyfriend to this moment. For him, the first kiss on the cheek, a light touch of the hand - a whole stream of emotions, strange and unexpected.
Rules for dealing with a shy boyfriend or husband
Contrary to popular belief, the man is not the head of the family. Without a supportive, inspiring woman, no man could achieve success in life. Behind many successful businessmen, politicians, historical and cultural figures who built their success bit by bit from scratch, there is a woman. In the case of a modest man, you will have to sweat a little more.
The rules of behavior with a shy man will be useful to every girl.
- Do not put too much pressure on your chosen one, otherwise he will withdraw into himself even more.
- Be attentive to his problems, but don't get hung up on them. Slowly and smoothly lead him to the idea that he is attractive and important to you.
- Point out his positive qualities. Never use your ex-boyfriends as an example, otherwise you will completely kill his trust and self-esteem.
- Show him that he is in charge and you feel secure around him. Let him feel like a real man, strong, confident, who can possess his woman and seek her attention.
- Refuse to make any claims. Be clear about his responsibilities every time.
- Spend time together, take it with you when you meet friends, to the gym. A person needs to see an example, understand how to communicate with people.
- Learn to support him and demand the same attitude towards yourself. Show him that in a relationship it is important to focus not only on your problems.
If you dig deeper, modesty is akin to egocentrism.
A person is fixated on his fear and tries to do everything to ensure his own comfort. But a self-centered person does not want to realize his problem, while a modest person considers it a pathology. A woman’s task is to smoothly lead a man out of the comfort zone where he is used to living. At first it will be a shock, but that’s what a woman is needed to help him survive it.
A modest man is like a blank sheet of paper. You can write whatever you want on it, but you need to get it out of its shell. Inside him lives a driven, sad boy, full of complexes and fears. In this relationship, you will have to play the role of mother and sexual partner in one person. The point is not to copy the image of his own mother, but to quickly learn the basics of communication and life in general. You need to become a guru for him, help build a new unknown world in which there will be no place for old attitudes.
And if he interrupts, he will immediately notice it and apologize. The opportunity to say everything without being interrupted is priceless.
2. Silence together is very healthy
You don't have to go home after a hard day at work and think that an evening full of conversations lies ahead. You can sit hugging each other and not think about how to fill the awkward pause.
3. His silence does not mean resentment towards you.
Surely in past relationships you have already found out that if your partner behaves quietly, then this is one hundred percent internal passive aggression aimed at making the other person feel unpleasant. But a modest silent person can simply be immersed in his thoughts for a long time without the desire to prove something to you.
4. He loves written communication
And for good reason, because in this case there is time to think about the replica before sending it.
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5. You will have to ask him what interests you.
Modesty usually correlates with not wanting to talk too much about yourself, and unless you ask him how that big meeting went, he almost certainly won't talk about it himself. And the parts will have to literally be pulled out of it with pincers.
6. And you can find out something suddenly
When you are sure that you know everything about him, he will suddenly say that he met with the president and spoke with him for five whole minutes.
7. Sometimes he says things that no one else has ever thought of.
He has listened to a huge number of your stories - it is not surprising that he is able to compare the facts and ask what you would have done if there were different inputs in that situation.
8. He really remembers everything
Even the fact that at the beginning of your acquaintance you praised his favorite band, and a year later you casually said that you couldn’t stand it.
9. He may not immediately get along with your friends.
He is not a person who is ready to communicate a lot. And even more so with a large company. It's best to date one person at a time.
10. Chatty men will stop liking you
Spending a lot of time with someone who doesn't make stupid jokes at the expense of others and doesn't comment on every move of the characters in the series, you will definitely get tired of often communicating with those who do this.
11. Modest men are good in bed.
This happens quite often, because they do not boast about their sexual achievements, but simply do their part well.
12. He shows his love in different ways.
Maybe he doesn’t give compliments every day, but he won’t forget to take tickets to the concert that you’ve been waiting for a long time and which you completely forgot about, being busy at work.
There are so many characters in how many men there are on earth. Some are fast, as they say, tearing their boots as they go, others like to do everything “with feeling, sense, order,” while others are incredibly shy. And it’s not a fact that your future soulmate will take the initiative of your acquaintance into their own hands, quickly win your heart by storm and proudly lead you to the altar.
What if this guy turned out to be from the timid category? If he doesn’t dare to take the first step towards you? How can we be here? Should we just sit and wait? Of course not! But first, let's take a short excursion into psychology to find out where shyness comes from.
This complex is as old as the world
- Almost half of the world's population suffers from a shyness complex.
- This character trait is not a product of modern times: it turns out that humanity has been suffering from false shyness since ancient times.
This is such a sad statistic. Shyness often develops in childhood. The reason is a carelessly spoken word or an inappropriate joke. But for a child’s vulnerable psyche, this is quite enough to seriously traumatize the soul, sow doubts about one’s own usefulness and slow down the further development of communication skills. Timidity and shyness become constant companions in life, interfering with business, career and love.
Love will unexpectedly come and... puzzle
Your glances accidentally crossed, and your heart skipped a beat: it’s him! The same guy you dreamed of meeting and continuing to walk together without breaking up. But he averts his eyes in embarrassment and... passes by. You are puzzled by this turn, you think about the guy every day, trying to find out what kind of person he is, what he does, where he goes. Every day you like him more and more. And finally, you decide that it was fate that gave you this meeting. But will your feelings really remain unrequited? What should I do?
Relationship strategy
First, make sure that this guy also likes you. The following signs will indicate that he is experiencing reciprocal sympathy:
- a guy, when meeting you by chance, blushes and lowers his eyes;
- when a conversation finally begins, he, embarrassed, looks away to the side, and meanwhile, his lips at that time froze in a slight smile.
If this is the case, then rest assured: he is not indifferent and is happy about this meeting. But at the same time, the guy experiences excruciating fear from a self-invented defeat. And here you must take the initiative into your own hands, help him believe in himself and loosen up.
We reveal the secret of his fears
You have no idea that he is so courageous, strong, smart and handsome, he may simply be afraid that you will reject him, laugh at him and his feelings. It will be the end of the world for him. And if you are a very beautiful girl or a leader in your environment, his insecurity increases exponentially. (Is he a match for such a bright star?!). And now you have to destroy this cool psychological complex alone, on your own. Is there enough strength? And how to do this?
Confidential communication is the key to emancipation
Your trusting attitude towards him will help the guy to relax and feel the freedom of communication. But to do this, you must exclude from your behavioral arsenal:
- harsh tone;
- ridicule and condemnation;
- criticisms.
You leave only benevolence, calm perception of any, even extraordinary situations, humor, understanding and openness. And then you will soon see the fruits of your struggle for women's happiness. The guy will begin to change before our eyes, more and more boldly showing his interest in you:
With newfound confidence, you will like him even more, because new facets of character will shine in him, which others did not even know about. The guy will begin to feel confident in society and make progress on his professional path.
Let's reveal a little secret
Former shy guys often make wonderful husbands!
They are reliable, caring, loyal, responsible. But for life to become a fairy tale, you need to try to be patient and understanding, since shyness has been cultivated over the years. This means that it will also take time for the guy to eradicate this complex. Your first touch of his hand, your first kiss on the cheek, easy perception of some incidents from your personal life will become an amazing revelation for him: he is the same as everyone else - no worse, and in some ways even more talented!
Become the good fairy of your destiny, and his too
Admit it honestly: have you always believed (and maybe still think) that the first step towards acquaintance, towards a close relationship should be taken by a guy? Well, yes. For some reason, this opinion prevails in society, but at the same time, life presents constant “exceptions to the rules.” The female sex has long been taking the initiative into its own hands. And this is not emancipation - this is real female wisdom. And real love for a man, which works wonders. And you will definitely succeed!
