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Taking any course on efficiency, self-realization, planning, achieving goals, you will absolutely hear an offer to leave the comfort zone, which, like a swamp, has dragged you in and keeps you in its sticky paws, preventing you from moving forward and fulfilling your dreams. But is everything so clear?
IN website figured out what is so toxic in the comfort zone that you must definitely get out of it.
What is a comfort zone?
The comfort zone is a state of psychological security, when stability and confidence in the future allow you not to make extra efforts to achieve your goals.
The comfort zone is NOT:
- a comfortable home (a super-comfortable expensive sofa can cause stress for people with low self-esteem who consider themselves unworthy of such a quality thing);
- a decent salary in the desired position (subordination to two leaders, vague job responsibilities can keep a person in constant stress);
- peace in the family (often peace is silence or avoidance of problems that destroy the family).
It is rather a measured life with clear rules and expected results. That is, the comfort zone may well be at an unloved job with a low salary and a grumpy wife at home, if all this suits a particular person.
According to coaches and all kinds of motivational speakers, the comfort zone is an extremely negative state that interferes with obtaining new experiences necessary for development. But is it? Let's look at this statement using the example of great people.
Who hasn't stepped out of their comfort zone?
Immanuel Kant. He lived measuredly for 80 years, making daily walks through the streets of his native city. Residents of Koenigsberg even checked their watches on it, his days were so verified. And what a scale of personality! I wonder what humanity would lose if Kant once decided to move to Australia, for example.
Vasily Belov. A Russian writer who rarely left his native village Timonikhu and worked happily, so much so that people from other countries came to him!
Richard Proennek. An American hermit naturalist who did not leave his cabin built high in the mountains of Alaska for 30 years. Due to the fact that he shot all his research on film, a multi-part documentary film, a series of books and several important articles in the field of meteorology and biology appeared.
It turns out that it is quite possible to live productively in one place, doing the usual things? Those. smoothly climb Maslow's pyramid without changing anything?
It's all about the pyramid
Let us briefly recall the main point: a person cannot experience high-level needs while he needs more primitive things. A hungry artist will paint, earning food, the physiological need for which will occupy all his thoughts, and this is not about talent. A homeless musician will play mediocre music to find a roof to sleep in (need for safety), etc. As much as a person wants to skip a step without having all their basic needs satisfied, their thoughts will return to simpler things again and again.
The pyramid of needs is often taken too literally. Did not eat - did not create a masterpiece. This is not entirely true. Here, rather, more about human efficiency. You can write brilliant works, but doing it slowly, long and tedious, if you have to work in a factory for days and days and earn your living. And you can write bestsellers in whole series if this is your only job and task.
Let's look at an example of the usual scenario of an ardent follower of the advice to get out of the comfort zone.
A man lived for himself, worked as an accountant, in the evenings he wrote children's stories that he dreamed of publishing someday. And suddenly he decided to step out of his comfort zone after watching a video with another motivational speaker. Following the example of a large number of people on Instagram, he quit his job, sold his apartment and moved to Bali to create and realize himself as a person. That is, he nullified the pyramid. But in Bali, too, you need to find a job that supports your pants, pay bills, rent a house. It turns out that again we cannot devote all of ourselves to such a coveted work, because again we need to create a comfort zone, build a pyramid, and this time from scratch! We have destroyed a valuable resource that kept our peace of mind and put ourselves in a lot more stress. Stocks of dopamine from the excitement of moving will soon run out, and getting a new one is postponed indefinitely. Doubtful happiness, right?
It turns out that the comfort zone is an important component of our success, which is worth expanding, not leaving. Where we are comfortable and we can be ourselves, dreams turn into step-by-step goals. Yes, you can live in a one-room apartment with five of you, and this will be your uncomfortable comfort zone. But it is there that you can sit down and think about how and where to go further, because you have a rear, and these are the closed two lower steps of the pyramid.
Outright harm
Few people know that his dull everyday life and lack of energy can be not only the result of low motivation, but also manifestations of chronic fatigue syndrome, which affects only about 2% of the population, but nonetheless. If you are “lucky” and are in the 2%, then the generally accepted concept of “getting out of your comfort zone” will not only not help, but will also greatly aggravate your condition. Therefore, if you do not feel well and your goal is not to achieve something extremely difficult, but simply to feel a taste for life, you should first consult a doctor and understand if the syndrome rules your life for an hour, and only then, when the diagnosis is excluded, think about how to do it competently.
But how is it right?
That's right - to realize the reason for the need to exit by asking yourself a few simple questions:
- Are you ready for the money earned by your new calling to be spent on doctors?
- Are you ready for the fact that your works will either not be recognized by society at all, or will be, but posthumously?
- Are you ready for the fact that your “exit” will not be supported by your family and you will have to become a lonely pioneer without a rear?
You can’t answer such questions quickly, you need time and an internal dialogue in external silence.
But if your plans are not so grandiose and you just want to diversify your life, then this is not a way out of your comfort zone, but a healthy desire for positive emotions and impressions, which has nothing to do with a global exit.
Psychiatrist Abigail Brenner argues that the generally accepted concept of “getting out of the comfort zone” means nothing more than a banal expansion of this very zone. Changing jobs is not a way out of the comfort zone, it is a change in the source of income. You do not quit your job, you are looking for another, more comfortable job that meets your expectations in parallel with yours. The cardinal change of the profession of a welder to a florist is not a way out of the comfort zone, but an entry into it, because as soon as you realize yourself fully there.
The fears that arise in the process of all these changes are our constant companions. They are inherent in us by nature to protect the psyche. You can be afraid of new obligations and six days at work as an accountant, or you can be afraid of the opinions of others on your desire to become a children's writer. But that's why we are reasonable people, to be flexible and consistent. You don’t need to rush off to a new country to get an “emotional stroke” there, you can go there on vacation and at the same time find out what and how. Where is the exit from the comfort zone? You are on vacation.
How do you feel about small changes in your life? Do you add drama to them or do you step onto a new level with a light heart?
In order for a butterfly to learn to fly, it needs to break its dense cocoon. If you help her, she will never be able to fly. Likewise, we need to make an effort to achieve something.
There is a cozy place where we feel comfortable and safe.
If you are happy with yourself and what you have, you are a happy person. You don't need anything else.
What you do not have (love, family, respect, recognition, fulfillment, communication, money, travel, etc.) is outside the comfort zone.
It sounds trite, but many of us are afraid of even minor changes. Everything that is outside our comfort zone is perceived as disturbing and unpleasant. That is why most people cannot change their lives for the better. Too many difficulties.
If you want something more, to achieve certain goals, to realize your full potential, then the comfort zone turns into an ominous zone, into your cage.
In the comfort zone, your results remain at the same level that they were originally. No room for development, no room for change. Living in a comfortable case can be fatal to your life.
It often happens that you want to do something new that you have not done before, but suddenly it becomes uncomfortable, there is a desire to leave everything as it is, and in most cases everything really remains the same. This is your comfort zone. Everyone has it, only someone has it more, and someone has less.
For example, someone easily manages to get acquainted with the opposite sex, because this skill is in their comfort zone. However, it didn't exist before. Any skill can be acquired, but for this you have to leave your comfort zone. Everything new causes discomfort, and this is normal, because we are all human.
What does the comfort zone include?
1. Environment and space.
People with whom you are accustomed to communicate, office, apartment, places of rest, countries, cities, routes. All places where you are accustomed to be.
2. Lifestyle. Model of behavior and thinking, any habits.
For example, you don't want to go to an unfamiliar company if you are a shy person. You will find many reasons why you should not go there. Your comfort zone tends to stay in a stable state and does not let you go on "adventures" that threaten to break stability. Fear of something is defined by the boundaries of your comfort zone.
We retreat out of fear of losing the comfort of familiar and safe concepts. When a person says “I can’t”, it often means: “I’m afraid to experience, to experience new sensations.”
Therefore, one of the important things that divides people into more and less successful is the experience of transforming the fear of expanding the comfort zone into the energy of success.
How to get out of the comfort zone?
As a rule, when leaving the comfort zone, a person experiences stress, tension. You have to learn to enjoy getting out of your comfort zone. That is, make it a habit for yourself to get out of your comfort zone. After all, the skydivers also experienced fear during the first jump, but then it passed, and the situation became comfortable. The comfort zone needs to be expanded a little. Remember that feeling uncomfortable in new situations is natural!
One way to expand your comfort zone is to start connecting with other people who have a wider comfort zone. Eventually other people will pull you into their comfort zone.
1. Mentally praise yourself as you expand your comfort zone. When you take a new action, give yourself a gift. This will create positive reinforcement.
2. Remember the goals for which you are doing this. This will make it easier for you to do something new.
3. Do things that seemed impossible, gradually, step by step. – Change seats within 30 days. Take different routes to work, to different cafes, cinemas, museums, walk in different places. Chat with strangers more often. Ask how to get there, greet sellers and cashiers, use every opportunity to talk to strangers. Be curious, ask questions often on any topic within the limits of common sense and the law, ask for everything you need in any situation.
4. Make an action plan to expand your comfort zone for each day and follow it. New habits are usually built in within 21 days, so expand your comfort zone a little every day using the instructions.
Remember that goals are outside of your comfort zone. And the new level of comfort is outside of the current comfort zone.
When we experience something new, we gain confidence that makes us feel strong and content. It helps us bring new ideas to life and gives us the determination to move forward into the new and the unknown.
If you want to change your life for the better, your actions will inevitably cause a negative reaction from others, and they will try to bring you back. For changes to be permanent, you need oppose these attempts . For this you need:
Our main enemy on the way to our goals is ours.
Comfort zone - this is the environment in which you are used to being, and the actions that you are used to doing. Even when you get bored with everything and want something new, the comfort zone is what keeps you, because the new always Causes discomfort, stress, tension.
When you move from automatic actions to , you will step out of your comfort zone. There will come a state that will be unpleasant for you. Most people in this case come back, and do it all the time. A habit is formed - when leaving the comfort zone, quickly return to it.
Now think - where are your goals and dreams ? Can you achieve them without changing your actions or your environment? Hardly, if your goals are more serious than eating a chocolate bar. This means that in order to achieve your goals, you will inevitably have to leave your comfort zone. But the habit of returning to the comfort zone as soon as you leave it can cross out all chances of achieving something.
How to avoid failure?
The only way is to learn to experience pleasure when you step out of your comfort zone. In this case, the whole world will become a comfort zone, and you will have at your disposal a jet engine that will allow you to quickly move towards your goals.
Ways to learn to experience pleasure, to consciously program yourself for pleasure when leaving the comfort zone, must be applied in order to reinforce the habit of leaving the comfort zone easily and freely. These ways:
- Praise yourself. Say to yourself - “I did it!”, “I am super!”, “I am developing and improving!” "I become different!" Be sure to say these praises out loud, as emotionally as you can. When you do this, your passion and emotionality will also develop, because everything in us is trainable, not just the muscles. Your charisma will increase and you will become more attractive to other people.
- Be mindful of your goals. When you step out of your comfort zone, immediately start thinking about them. Without goals, there is no development, and there is no inspiration. Set yourself some inspiring goals.
- Encourage yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Do bright, extravagant deeds without fear that someone will think badly of you. Go to new places, make new friends, wear new clothes. Talk more about yourself, how you feel, and what you think to other people. In this way, you will become more open, and your comfort zone will expand rapidly.
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There is one skill that helps in all matters, increases productivity, and allows you to cope with the most difficult tasks and problems ...
Quit smoking. Lose weight. Learn a new language. Make a date. Write a difficult report.
Anything you want to do is not that hard. Collect information, write down a plan of action - and do it.
And despite this - we smoke every day, gain weight, and again put off what we want to do a long time ago. Every day we do exactly the opposite of what we plan to do.
We live in the Age of Information. To achieve any goal - often you just need to find information, write down the necessary steps - and follow them.
But we still don't do it.
What part of the equation are we missing?
This part is the area of discomfort. This is our real enemy, and information cannot defeat him. It is a desire to avoid pain and fear, and we do not have the strength to cope with it.
We are too well trained to avoid this discomfort, we prefer to turn away from it.
It appears whether we like it or not. You may not think about it at all. But every day we make decisions based on our unwillingness to experience it.
There are millions of ways to avoid discomfort, millions of ways to deceive yourself and not do what you need to do. We have come up with hundreds of names for them: laziness, avoidance, and so on.
The only thing I can't stand is the discomfort. ~ Gloria Steinem
The main and most difficult skill that I have been learning for five years of blogging is a skill that helps in all matters, helps to cope with all complex tasks and problems:
Learn to be comfortable with discomfort.
To realize in time an attack of procrastination before a difficult task, to cope with an attack of a bad mood, to finish the necessary when you don’t feel like it, and then enjoy the results - in all this, the skill to calmly endure discomfort helps.
If you create it, you can learn anything. Defeat procrastination, regularly go to a fitness club, learn a new language, learn to dance, go through any trials and physically difficult events, perform from the stage. And this is just the beginning.
Unfortunately, most people avoid discomfort. I mean, they really avoid - at the first sign of discomfort, they run as quickly as possible in the other direction. It is this factor that prevents us from changing habits.
Just think: many people don't eat vegetables because they don't like the taste of them. We are not talking about some terrible excruciating pain. No, it's just that their taste is not what they are used to! And they eat it all sweet and fried and meaty and salty. And then they suffer from excess weight, and diabetes, and a bunch of other diseases, but they cannot change anything.
But if you learn to cope with discomfort, it turns out that a little discomfort is not so bad. In fact, you can get used to it, and even enjoy it, after a little practice.
The more we master this skill, the greater our ability to change anything. Become the master of the fear of discomfort - and you will become the master of your personal Universe.
Avoiding discomfort
When people feel stressed, they tend to smoke, or eat, or go shopping, or drink anything to get rid of the discomfort that this stress causes them.
2. Want to lose weight? Instead of blindly following the first impulse to eat (this is not even hunger, but the desire to chew something), you calmly perceive the feeling of a little hunger. When necessary, slightly reduce your portion - and calmly gradually lose weight. You - it has become your friend and adviser.
3. You have a difficult conversation ahead, which you don't want to start? It could be a conversation with your boss about your salary or the number of responsibilities you have. With your family - about your grievances, or things that do not suit you and which it is high time to talk about.
It often happens like this: we want to talk about something important, but we put it off again and again. Until we simply no longer have the strength to remain silent - and then we break down and give out everything in full. In anger, we can say anything, but this does not allow us to discuss everything in a way that suits both parties.
What if you learned to deal with discomfort? It tells you - yes, it is not an easy task, you need to prepare. Gather the facts, find the right arguments. But having prepared everything you need - you do not put off the conversation again and again - but calmly and consciously start this important conversation. This way you can find a solution acceptable to all parties - without shouting, breaking dishes and breaking chairs.
4. Learn a new language (tool). Do you want to learn something new? It means doing something you're not used to, and often we quit before we're good at it. Hold on longer, take it easy that not everything works right away, and soon you will be able to enjoy a new skill.
I put off wanting to learn how to program for five years. But last year I decided to start. And now I just do not understand one thing: why did you have to wait so long? This is how discomfort under the guise of procrastination spoils our life in big and small.
5. Empty the inbox in the mail. Another form of procrastination is when you get some emails, look at them, but don't answer them right away. They accumulate... then look at these hundreds of letters with annoyance - and don't know what to do. When you learn to calmly endure a little discomfort and immediately answer letters, even when a little lazy, one problem in your life will become less.
All these examples are just the beginning. Take any business that you have long dreamed of, but could not start. Now that you are not afraid of discomfort - all this has become available to you.
The ability to calmly endure discomfort will be the key that will open a variety of doors for you.
