The child does not talk at the age of three - what to do: personal experience. Crisis of three years in children: how parents do not go crazy - valuable advice based on personal experience Why a child is 3 years old

Parents always look forward to the first words of the baby. The development of a baby's speech begins in the first months of his life, when he does not speak yet, but pronounces the first sounds. By the age of 3, a child should normally have a fairly large vocabulary and speak in sentences. However, there are cases when a child does not speak at the age of 3, which causes serious concern for parents and teachers. Why this happens and what are the reasons for this situation, let's try to figure it out.

Speech development is an important indicator of how a baby develops. If a child of 3 years old does not speak, this causes serious anxiety for parents: why is the child silent? what to do?

When should a child start talking: norms

Assessing the speech development of a young child, experts note not only the baby's ability to pronounce sounds and words, but also his emotional and speech response, i.e. child's perception of speech addressed to him. Does the child react emotionally to the speech of adults addressed to him.

1 year

In the first year of life, the baby communicates with adults with the help of screaming and facial expressions. With the help of them, the baby can tell his mother that he is hungry, something hurts him, or, on the contrary, show the joy and pleasure that he experiences when his needs are fully satisfied.

The development of speech in the first months of life begins with the appearance of the first vocalizations of a baby addressed to an adult. The kid, with the help of stretched long sounds “ah-ah”, “oh-oh-oh”, “oo-oo”, refers to his mother, as if giving her a signal that now he feels good.

By the age of 5 months, the baby has an occasional babble “na-na-na”, “yes-yes-yes”. By 9 months, the baby masters the first simple words "ba-ba", "ma-ma". A one-year-old baby should normally understand up to 20 words addressed to him and pronounce 5-10 simple words.

In the first year of life, the baby communicates with his mother with the help of sounds and facial expressions. With the help of babbling and facial expressions, the baby can show mom what he wants now.

2 years

At the beginning of the second year of life, the baby has about 15-20 words in the active vocabulary and is able to follow the simple instructions of an adult: “Bring a bear”, “Give me a ball”.

By the age of one and a half years, the child is able to fulfill the adult’s double instruction: “Bring the doll and put it in the crib”, “Take the ball and give it to me.”

By the end of the second year of life, the baby’s vocabulary expands to 25 words, he learns to build simple phrases, the first verbs appear in his speech: “go”, “boom”. The passive vocabulary is also expanding, i.e. the child understands more the speech of adults addressed to him: he shows on objects and pictures those objects and phenomena that he already knows.

3 years

At the age of 2 to 3 years, the child's speech actively develops: the active vocabulary expands, the first phrases appear.

At the age of 2 to 3 years, the baby masters the vowels e, s; consonants m, b, p, t, d, f, c, k, t, x, understands the meaning of prepositions and verbs addressed to him: “who came?”, “What is under the table?”.

At 2 and a half years old, the child's sentences consist of 3-4 words. He memorizes simple nursery rhymes and songs, begins to understand the antonyms “big-small”, “fast-long”.

By the age of three, a child normally masters the following speech skills:

• Speaks over 250 words.
• Able to compose a short story based on a picture, consisting of 2-4 sentences.
• Able to follow the three-syllable instruction of an adult: "Take the album, get out the pencils and sit down at the table."
• Knows and speaks his first name, last name, age and gender.
• Actively uses verbs, pronouns, prepositions in speech.
• Able to form complex sentences.
• He listens to fairy tales, is able to understand their essence without looking at the pictures of the book.

By the age of three, relatives of the baby (mother, father, sister, brother, grandmother) fully understand his speech, strangers by about 75%.

Why the child does not speak: reasons

There are several categories of reasons why a child does not speak at 3 years old: physiological, psychological, social.

Not always the speech development of the baby goes according to the above standards, and if so, there are reasons for this. Watching the baby, it is important to understand whether his development is simply delayed, or he has serious deviations. If a child of 3 years does not speak and does not pronounce even simple words, most likely we are talking about some kind of serious violation. If, however, its development is simply delayed, this situation can be easily corrected with the help of classes and exercises.

Experts identify several groups of reasons why a child does not speak at this age.

Physiological causes

1. Intrauterine hypoxia (oxygen starvation), maternal infections, drug intoxication.
2. Birth trauma, infection during childbirth.
3. Prematurity, as well as the course of other serious diseases that can inhibit speech development.
4. Heredity, when one of the relatives has serious speech disorders, or they also spoke late.
5. Anomalies in the development of the tongue, lips, palate.
6. Hearing disorders: hearing loss, deafness.
7. Mental illness (autism).

Psychological reasons

1. Unfavorable atmosphere in the family (quarrels, scandals of parents).
2. Severe stress or fear of the child.
3. Lack of emotional contact between the baby and parents.
4. Lack of communication between the baby and his parents.
5. Hyper-custody (a child speaks poorly when his parents overprotect him, fulfilling his every whim).
6. Violent attempts to teach the child to speak.

Social reasons:

1. Incomplete family or absence of parents.
2. Antisocial behavior of parents and loved ones.
3. Unlimited access of the child to modern gadgets: tablet, phone, computer, TV.

Pathologies of the nervous system leading to speech underdevelopment: dysarthria, aphasia, motor and sensory alalia.

dysarthria

- a speech disorder that can be caused by various diseases of the nervous system. It is characterized by insufficient mobility of the baby's speech organs and, as a result, underdevelopment of speech and difficulty in learning to read and write.

Causes of dysarthria:

• mother's illness
• Birth injury
• Fetal hypoxia
• preterm birth
• Trauma, brain tumors

Characteristic features of the pathology:

1. The child speaks very badly.
2. The baby has an irregular breathing pattern.
3. Nasty voice.
4. Weak facial muscle tone.
5. Trembling tongue and profuse salivation.
6. Violated gross and fine motor skills. The peanut does not know how to jump, stand on one leg, and does not balance well.

Aphasia

- a violation in which at the age of three he may not speak completely, or if the child spoke earlier and the friend abruptly fell silent.

Causes of aphasia:

• Traumatic brain injury
• Inflammatory processes in the brain
• CNS diseases
• Vascular diseases

motor alalia

Motor - a speech disorder in which the child can confuse the endings of words, declensions by birth, and in severe forms not speak at all.

Causes of motor alalia:

• birth trauma
• Damage to the areas of the cerebral cortex that are responsible for the development of speech
• intrauterine infections.

Characteristic features of the pathology:

1. The baby understands everything that adults tell him, but he himself does not speak.
2. The kid does not own his tongue and lips.
3. Hyperactive or, conversely, inactive, clumsy.
4. Doesn't make contact with adults.

sensory alalia

Sensory alalia is a speech disorder in which the child does not understand the speech addressed to him, or understands only certain words. He cannot understand the essence of the whole sentence.

Characteristic features of the pathology:

1. Low intelligence.
2. Senseless, incoherent pronunciation of sounds and separate words.
3. Pronunciation of several words in one word.

What to do: surveys

If the child does not speak, it is necessary to turn to specialists: a pediatrician, a neurologist, an otolaryngologist, a speech therapist, a child psychologist.

If the child is 3 years old and the parents have suspicions that the reason for the lack of his speech lies precisely in physiology, it is important to conduct an examination of the child in time and identify pathologies.

Which specialists will contact:

• Pediatrician: will assess the general health of the baby and refer to more narrow specialists.
• Neurologist: will determine the pathology based on the analysis of the prenatal period of the child's development, assess the current state of development of higher mental functions, prescribe the necessary additional examinations (MRI, EEG, ultrasound) and the necessary medication.
• Otolaryngologist (ENT): will check the condition of hearing, conduct the necessary examinations (make an audiogram, check the hyoid frenulum).
• Speech therapist: will test and determine the level of speech development.
• Psychologist: excludes the presence of mental abnormalities, determines if the child does not speak at the age of 3, whether psychological factors can be the cause, draws up a corrective training program.

What doctors can prescribe:

1. Medications. If a child at the age of 3 is silent or speaks poorly, a neurologist can prescribe medications that nourish the neurons of the brain and stimulate the speech zones of the brain (cortexin, cogitum, encephabol, neuromultivit).
2. Physiotherapy (microcurrent reflexology, phototherapy, acupuncture).
3. tongue, lips, cheeks, earlobes, hands.
4. Psychocorrective classes with a neuropsychologist.

Doctors' opinion

Dr. Komarovsky, a well-known pediatrician, recommends that parents spend more time with their child, as well as limit the use of tablets and phones by children.

Doctor Komarovsky believes that it is far from always that if a child speaks poorly, one should sound the alarm. Evgeny Olegovich notes that the development of speech of each baby is individual and largely depends on temperament. Lively, emotional children begin to speak earlier, calm, phlegmatic - later.

According to the doctor, if the child does not have any obvious deviations, it is very important to provide him with a favorable atmosphere in the family: communicate more, spend time together (walk, play), limit the use of gadgets by the baby.

Parents' work

If doctors have not identified serious pathologies of the child's speech development, parents can independently organize corrective work and classes that will help a child at the age of 3 speak.

Classes aimed at developing the baby's speech include the development of fine and gross motor skills, reading and retelling, articulatory gymnastics and massage.

1. Develop your baby's fine motor skills. Do finger gymnastics with him, draw, sculpt from plasticine and kinetic sand.
2. Learn nursery rhymes, nursery rhymes, tongue twisters, songs.
3. Teach your child to retell and make up a story from pictures.
4. Play theatrical games with your baby (acting out famous fairy tales, finger theater, shadow theater).
5. Do breathing exercises.
6. Develop the articulatory apparatus with the help of gymnastics.
7. Do general and speech therapy massage.
8. Use educational toys (sorters, musical instruments, toys that stimulate sensory development).
9. Communicate more with the child, pay attention to emotional contact with him.
10. Protect your baby from stress.
11. Encourage communication crumbs with other peers.
12. Encourage any attempts by the baby to speak (new sounds and words), praise him for this.

Remember, any situation is fixable, do not be afraid to contact specialists. Timely diagnosed pathology is corrected much easier and simpler. If there are no serious pathologies, the correctional work of a specialist and homework will help to talk a silent person and compare his development with his peers.

Speech is the main communication tool that every healthy person uses every day. It is not surprising that the lack of active speech in a child worries parents very much.
“What if he lags behind in development? What if he never learns to speak?
If the child does not speak at the age of 3, certain measures must already be taken to solve this problem. Children's age from one to five is the most plastic for the development and correction of speech, it is during this period that many speech therapy disorders can be corrected.

How speech develops

A newborn child does not know how to talk, he learns this skill in the first years of life. This is how the baby adapts to the world around him. He begins to distinguish between the speech of an adult, which can encourage or forbid, learns to verbally express his desires and thoughts. It is known that children who grew up in isolation from other people later could not learn to speak coherently, despite the fact that the corresponding brain areas were fully formed.

In the formation of speech, three periods can be distinguished:

initial stage

The initial development of speech lasts from birth to about a year. The child learns to understand the speech of adults and the meaning of various words, first tries to imitate individual sounds, starting with the simplest - vowels (cooing). Then the sounds are formed into syllables (babble), then into words. By one year, a child, on average, can already pronounce 5-10 words. At this stage, the passive development of speech ends and the next one begins.

Formation of active speech

In the period from 1 year to three years, the vocabulary, both active and passive, grows sharply. At the age of two, the child begins to use speech for communication, he already puts together phrases of two or three words. At first, the baby pronounces many words incorrectly, but gradually the pronunciation becomes more distinct. The speech of a child at 3 years old should be understandable to an unfamiliar adult, and not just to close relatives.

monologue speech

From three to five years, speech gradually becomes grammatically correct, sentences appear with which the child is already able to coherently talk about some event. Pronunciation gets even better: the baby can understand what sounds he doesn’t get and tries to fix it.

Speech is a complex skill. For its development, the basis is important - correctly formed parts of the brain, on which the understanding of speech and the ability to speak (Broca's area) depend. They mature at different times, so the baby first learns to distinguish speech, and then speak. The first process is associated with the formation of speech hearing (the ability to distinguish words), and the second - with the "training" of the articulatory apparatus.

Speech delay

A delay in the development of speech is associated with a delay in the maturation of the corresponding areas of the brain, insufficient development of the articulatory muscles, or sensory deficiencies. The last factor can be noticed already by the end of the first month of life. During this period, auditory concentration should arise - a specific reaction to the speech of an adult, special attention to it. Based on this process, speech discrimination is then formed. Lack of auditory concentration may be associated with deafness or organic brain damage.

If a speech therapist at the age of 3 diagnosed a child with “delayed speech development”, parents should not immediately perceive this fact as something terrible. This is simply a statement that the child's vocabulary is less than normal, for some reason he is in no hurry to use speech for communication.

A delay is a delay, not a developmental disorder. For most children, such a diagnosis is simply removed when they reach 4–5 years of age, as they catch up with their peers.

Reasons for the lag in the development of speech

All reasons can be divided into two groups: internal and external.

Internal causes

They are associated with brain dysfunction that occurs due to problems in fetal development (for example, Rh incompatibility, fetal hypoxia), due to difficult birth (asphyxia) or brain damage that occurred after birth (concussion, increased intracranial pressure, etc.). d.). It can also be hearing loss. When identifying speech pathologies, this cause must be excluded.

Physiological differences between the sexes matter. For the development of speech, neural connections between the hemispheres are important - in girls they form faster: they have a better developed corpus callosum, which connects the right and left hemispheres. At the same time, studies by Australian scientists have shown that a high level of testosterone in the mother's blood leads to a slowdown in the development of brain areas responsible for active speech. That is why speech disorders in boys are two to three times more common. However, the differences fade with age.

Not the last place in the formation of speech is played by heredity. If the parents started talking late, then the child can develop according to the same scenario.

External causes

This group of reasons is associated with the peculiarities of upbringing and the general situation in the family.

Hyper-custody leads to the child's lack of need to say: why, if he will be given everything anyway?

Another reason for the lag in the development of speech is pedagogical neglect, explicit or hidden. It happens that the family simply does not talk to the child and do not encourage it. It is known that children develop by imitation and repetition of adults. Lack of attention and joint activity slows down the formation of communication skills. If adults include the baby in their conversation, asking questions and encouraging them to answer them, speech problems usually do not arise.

Another problem of our time is the substitution of live communication with electronic devices. Parents who constantly divert the attention of the child with cartoons or computer games impoverish his active experience. And the TV, constantly working in the room where the child is, creates information overload. In this case, the baby simply stops responding to human speech, constantly “clogging” his hearing.

Stress and past illnesses can also cause a temporary delay in speech development at 3 years.

An example from practice: a mother with a 3-year-old daughter turned to a speech therapist. She complains that the child practically does not speak, although she fulfills requests, she can show the objects that she is asked about. In general, the girl is very shy and unsociable, she prefers to play with one and only two or three familiar toys. When collecting information, it turned out that at the age of two, the girl was sent to live with her grandmother for six months, because her mother had a difficult birth, and she was in the hospital for a long time with her second child, and her father worked on a rotational basis. The family has been reunited for six months now, but the girl seems to have “forgotten” even those words that she spoke at the age of two. The stress of moving, coupled with the personality traits of the baby, led to the fact that the child simply closed in on himself.

What to do if the child does not speak

If your child does not speak well or is completely silent at 3 years old, the first thing to do is to undergo a complete medical examination. The neurologist will determine if the child has neurological disorders. The ENT will check the hearing and examine the articulatory apparatus. The psychologist will determine whether the development of the child corresponds to the age norms. A speech therapist will conduct tests that will help assess the level of speech development.

If the reasons listed above are excluded, then everything is in order with the child, and he simply belongs to the category of "silent" children. Such babies can use only non-verbal communication methods for a long time, and then immediately begin to speak in coherent sentences. Silent people have no problems understanding addressed speech, they fulfill all the requests of an adult and are actively interested in the world around them. How to teach such a baby to talk? It is enough to push him in the right direction, calling for a dialogue with households or children in developmental groups.

The role of parents in the development of a child's speech should not be underestimated, especially for mothers. Starting from the first days of life, the baby hears her voice, reacting to the words addressed to him. Direct emotional contact becomes the basis for further development.

There are two groups of parents who react incorrectly to their child's speech problems.

1. Mom and dad who are too worried that their baby is lagging behind others in speech development. They all ask the same question: “The child is 3 years old, does not talk, what should I do ?!” Although "doesn't speak" most often means "doesn't say what I want" or "doesn't speak as well as his brother at the same age". Parents begin to put pressure on the child, forcing: “Say!”, “Repeat!”, “Repeat again better!”. By this they cause speech negativism in the baby and, as a result, a protest expressed in silence.
2. The second group are parents who deny that their child may have problems. They say to themselves: “But he is perfectly healthy, he eats and sleeps well, and what he doesn’t say, Einstein didn’t speak until he was five, but he grew up and became famous.”

If you want your baby to speak on time, avoid these two extremes.

Methods for the development of speech in children

There is a technique developed by a teacher and a psychologist O. E. Gribovoy. She wrote a book "What to do if your child does not speak" which gives detailed advice to parents. According to O. E Gribova, the main rule of any activities with a child is that they should give him pleasure and be perceived as a game.

Excellent guide for parents - book E. Yanushko "Help the baby to speak" Designed for children up to three years of age. It talks about the importance of emotional interaction and cooperation between a child and an adult, which allows you to maximize the interest of kids in simple exercises.

In the manual M. Koltsova and M. Ruzina “A child learns to speak. Finger game training " describes the mechanisms of speech development. This will help an adult understand the essence of these processes and manage them. And the part devoted to finger game training tells parents about the development of precise finger movements - fine motor skills.

Exercises and games for the development of fine motor skills of hands

Some parents do not understand the connection between the development of fine finger movements and speech. The connection here is the most direct - evolutionary. The human brain has progressed in two directions: the complication of manipulative actions with hands and the development of speech. It is these two factors that have determined the progress of mankind. The speech motor area (it is responsible for the ability to pronounce words) and the projection of the hand are located next to each other in the motor area of ​​the cerebral cortex. Therefore, any exercises for the development of fine motor skills entail progress in the development of speech.

For the development of fine motor skills at 3 years old, any exercises are suitable, including manipulations with small details and objects. It is important to engage with the baby for 5-10 minutes every day.

Any exercise should please the baby. If he is not interested in what you offered him, pick up other activities.

Modeling from plasticine and drawing will benefit. Very useful games with "live" and "kinetic" sand. This is a special type of sand made using polymer compounds that does not dry out. You can play with it at home: it does not crumble and does not get dirty.

You can organize games with small toys that you need to take with your fingers. Use Lego sets with small parts. Encourage the fastening / unbuttoning of buttons on clothes, pouring cereals (rice, peas, barley). You can color beans or pasta of different shapes with felt-tip pens. Perhaps the child will like to play with small smooth pebbles, put buttons in a box or string beads on a thread.

In the evening, you can arrange a shadow finger theater and show a fairy tale with your baby.

Olga, mother of Yegor 3.5 years old: “Egor spoke poorly at the age of 3, there was a“ porridge ”of sounds in his mouth. Nobody understood him, and he generally closed himself. In addition to classes with a speech therapist, every evening we played with small objects. With dad, they constantly collected designers, and they played games with cereals with me. They made penguins from white beans, drawing black “tailcoats” for them. I dyed the rice with food coloring, and he poked around in it, looking for small toys from kinders. Progress is evident, Egor is already understood by outsiders.

Massage of the hands will also help in the development of finger movements. It can be done every night before bed. To do this, the baby’s palm is stroked with the fingertips from top to bottom and in a circle, then they move to the back side, doing the same. Fingers stroke from the nail down. After stroking, rubbing movements are performed with the fingertips: in a circle, in a spiral. It is better to use baby cream.

In addition, many children who do not speak even at 3 years old enjoy playing finger games. During the game, it is not necessary to talk, but the actions performed by the fingers and hands contribute to the development of speech.

Games and communication

How to teach a child to talk at 3 years old? At this age, you can do a lot, because the baby already walks, knows how and loves to manipulate different objects, play. All these skills can be used in communication with him.

Encourage your child to talk inconspicuously, asking questions casually, and never scold him if he doesn't answer. Do not ask the baby to repeat something, but simply insert such phrases into all regime moments that would suggest an answer. For example: "Let's get dressed. Please bring your trousers. What did you bring?". Ask alternative questions: “What would you like to pour: milk or kefir?”.

Create situations when the baby needs to ask for something. Do not give him everything at the first gesture, but pretend that you do not understand what he is asking for. In games, ask your child to sing a lullaby to the doll or scold her for bad behavior. Praise the baby for any spoken word and do not correct his mistakes yet.

Reading stories and poems aloud Helps to enrich the child's vocabulary. Use books with bright but simple illustrations. Attracting the attention of the child, name the objects depicted, tell what happens to them, what the characters do. Learn a few rhymes and, while saying them, leave the child the opportunity to insert the last word in the line. This simple kindergarden method helps a lot of kids get the hang of it, especially if the rhymes are funny and they really like them.

The vocabulary of the child may be small due to lack of communication in the family . Always comment on all your actions, loudly and clearly name the objects that you show the child. Always say all your actions out loud, tell your baby on a walk about what you see around. Try to speak emotionally, arousing interest in your words and attracting attention. It is important that the child has the opportunity to see the face of an adult, his articulation and facial expressions. Show him your favorite toy, then slowly, almost in syllables, naming and showing parts of the body, tell him what he likes to do: “The bear loves to jump, wash, eat porridge”, immediately demonstrate these actions.

Articulation gymnastics gives good results , which allows you to train the muscles of the lips, palate, tongue, responsible for pronunciation. The lesson becomes an interesting game for the child, as he can “make faces”, repeating the movements of an adult. For example, the “smile” exercise, when you need to keep a smile on your face with closed lips for a while. Or "proboscis" - stretching the lips with a tube. The main thing is to devote to classes you need at least 5-10 minutes a day.

Correctional classes

In specialized kindergartens or groups, in addition to classes with a speech therapist, proven methods of speech development are offered. One of them is logarithmics. It includes singing and pronouncing verses to music, accompanied by hand movements. This complex technique solves many problems at once: it coordinates hand movements, phonemic perception and articulation. Logorhythm develops a sense of rhythm, an ear for music. It allows children to communicate with each other in a relaxed atmosphere, which helps babies open up.

In general, communication with peers is a powerful stimulating factor for the development of speech. The need to communicate with words (unlike parents who often understand without words), negotiate and resolve conflicts leads to the rapid development of verbal skills. Therefore, it is worth considering how to organize an environment for the communication of the baby, whether it is a kindergarten group or developmental activities.

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On the playground, mothers only have time to brag about the achievements of their kids. One already recites poems by heart, another almost started reading books, and the third, it’s scary to say, even remembers foreign words. And this is such and such a crumb, who is not yet three years old. You do not take part in this chirping, on the contrary, you try to avoid all communication with other parents. You are ashamed and embarrassed, because your child is not only not reciting poetry - he has not even begun to speak yet. And this is at his age of three! In general, you feel bitterness and resentment, and you also feel very sorry for your silent baby. You want to help him, but you don't know how. And this impotence oppresses you.

Why is a three-year-old child silent

Currently, silent children are much more common than just a couple of decades ago, as well as hyperactive children. Ask: what is the relationship between them? Answer: the most direct. The more active the child, the more temptations he finds in the world around him, the less he leaves himself the opportunity to study this world verbally. According to modern statistics, today many children begin to speak closer to three and a half years, so the three-year milestone is not an indicator. However, this is no reason to relax. On the contrary, you should clearly know all the reasons why your baby may be silent.

• Physiological features of the development of the child. These may be hearing problems, or a general developmental delay caused by prematurity, or a hereditary predisposition to speech delay. Show the baby to the doctor. The way he will pass his verdict, after which you can either start treatment or even prepare for surgery, thanks to which today even deaf-mute children from birth begin to hear and, accordingly, speak, or, if everything is in order with the physiology of the baby, you will focus on solving psychological and social problems.
• Disadvantages of parenting. You love your child too much. No, it's not bad, on the contrary, it should be so. Only now your love deprives the child of self-determination. You rush to the baby at his first call, you try to predict all his desires, you want him to feel good, cozy and comfortable in this world. The question is - why should he say, if he is already all right? Overprotection in this situation brings only harm. If a child knows that in any case he will be understood from a half-word, why should he try to pronounce this word in full? Lack of motivation will slow down the process of speech development.
• Psychological trauma. The child feels that he is not interested in adults. Some changes are taking place in his life - moving, illness, separation from his parents. Maybe his family has an unhealthy psychological atmosphere - scandals, raised voices. There are many reasons why a child can withdraw into himself and not want to open up to the outside world. Under such conditions, it is difficult to expect speech achievements from him.
• Lack of attention. It happens that the family is quite prosperous and calm, only the same methods of education in relation to the baby are used in it - quiet. To seat the child in front of the TV, to occupy his attention with a modern gadget, to overlay the baby with soft toys - many modern parents resort to such techniques. Only in this case it turns out that adults and the baby exist on their own. With whom, under such circumstances, should a child talk?

There is also an opinion that a child should develop among his peers, they say, as soon as he is sent to kindergarten, the problem of speech delay begins to be solved by itself. There is some truth in this statement, but only a fraction, because it is not worth hoping for a miracle called “of course”. It’s better, after all, having figured out the possible reasons for the child’s silence, to begin an active solution to the problem.

What can help a child to speak?

Let's say you and your child have already visited an otolaryngologist, defectologist, psychologist and even a psychiatrist. Fortunately for you, the doctors did not find any pathologies in the development of the baby. So, the turn of your personal active actions has come. So, what can help a child to speak?

• Active presence of adults next to the child. Active means not just making sure that nothing happens to a little person, that he is fed and dressed, it means talking to him all the time. Constant communication is the key that can open the doors to the world of words for the child. Set an example for him by talking to him and to each other in full, complete sentences. Read books to him, join his games to imitate various speech situations, sing lullabies to him.
• The “action plus word” rule should become fundamental. Let the practice of guessing the desires of a child by his gestures forever remain in the past. Let him know that without words his aspirations will not come true. As a last resort, say everything that you do yourself and name everything that you give the child in your hands.
• The right toys. Down with the TV, phone, tablet and other technical fun of the 21st century. Children's mechanical toys that drive by themselves, speak by themselves, sing songs themselves - also down. The child himself should be actively involved in the process of the game, and not be an outside observer. Therefore, we choose cubes and pyramids, do not ignore the most ordinary cars, do not shy away from simple dolls.
• The development of fine motor skills of the fingers. All experts say that the less motor skills of fingers are developed in a child, the more difficult it is for him to speak. Therefore, at any free time, tie knots with your child, string beads, sort out the rosary, sculpt from plasticine, or even just tear paper. All this will only benefit the future speaker.
• Do not descend to the speech level of the child. Do not lisp and do not distort words, on the contrary, communicate with him in a normal language, clearly pronouncing each word.

Of course, there are no universal recipes. The development of each child is a highly individual process. Someone begins to communicate as early as a year and a half, and for someone, even three years is not enough for the formation of speech. Of course, it will take a lot of patience to talk the silent one. But one day he will reward your efforts. And then you will be able to proudly talk about the achievements of your child, not only on the playground.

As soon as a child turns 3 years old, you may be surprised to note that a beautiful, obedient and attentive baby smoothly turns into a capricious stranger.

For example, a picture familiar to many mothers: the baby begins to scream heart-rendingly at the whole store and lies on the floor just because he was refused to buy something.

For any appeal to him, you constantly hear a refusal. It seems that the word "no" becomes the main thing in your relationship with the child.

But more recently, a cute and calm baby followed all your instructions and fulfilled all requests. How would you like it to continue like this.

Why a child at 3 years old does not obey, the main reasons and what to do with his behavior - we'll talk about this today.

Reasons why a child does not obey at 3 years old

There is only one main reason why a child at 3 years old does not obey - this is a crisis of 3 years. It is at the age of 3 that a child begins a new stage in development, which is what characterizes any crisis.

In order to introduce something new, it is necessary to break the old one. This stage of breakdown is the reason for the disobedience of the child. That is, such behavior is a kind of tool with the help of which the transition to the new is made.

Therefore, the first thing you need to remember is that your child's disobedience is normal and nothing bad is happening.

What is a crisis 3 years

At 3 years old, the child begins to separate himself from the outside world and his mother in particular. He is in the process of forming and developing his "I".

This is also called separation. The kid begins to try himself in the world, as an independent unit: what he can do, how his actions can affect the course of this or that event, how weighty his word is.

Crisis tasks 3 years

Why is it so important for parents to properly survive the crisis at 3 years, which is characterized by bad behavior and disobedience?

If you help your baby competently cope with this period, then you can count on the fact that in the future he will grow up:

1. confident;
2. responsible;
3. with the ability to say "no";
4. with the skill not to create an idol for yourself;
5. with the ability to always defend their point of view;
6. with the ability to respect the boundaries of other people;
7. with a clear understanding of their boundaries, where it is permissible or unacceptable to enter one or another person.

Does this personality of your baby suit you in his adulthood? Then let's figure out what to do if your 3-year-old child does not obey.

How to deal with a naughty 3 year old?

Important! The very first and most important thing you need to understand is that when your baby does not obey, he does not do it on purpose to piss you off.

This is his first, so-called, test of the pen - what he can and cannot do, which is due to his age - 3 years.

So, first of all, be patient.

• At 3 years old, the main 85% of neural connections are formed in children;
• The remaining 15% was laid down at birth;
• How much acceptance and love you give your child at the time of laying the foundations of his mental health will depend on his future attitude to the world.

Every tantrum has specific reasons. There are no whims in an empty place.

Try in every situation to understand why the baby does not obey and help him cope with the situation, do everything so that the child does not feel bad.

1. When a child at 3 years old does not obey, it is important to know that he is not able to stop on his own;

That is why your phrases: “I told you: calm down” or “How long can this last, enough” do not work and do not give any effect.

At this stage of development, the baby does not hear what you say to him, but only catches the tone of what was said, your mood and the timbre of your voice.

Therefore, if you want to calm your child, calm yourself. For example, breathe in and out, drink a glass of water, or count to 10 to yourself.

To learn how to manage your emotions and get a detailed methodology for working with them, see the online course Mom, don't scream!>>>

1. Remember: at the age of 3, the baby develops only through the game. It is not his task to keep order - this is just your function;

Therefore, in no case do not scold him for scattered things and refusal to remove them. Moreover: try to get out of all conflict situations only through the game, even if it is fraught with unnecessary garbage.

1. When a baby does not obey and becomes a real rebel, this is due to the fact that he constantly hears from adults “No”, “Don’t go there”, “Don’t take this”, “Shut up, don’t talk”;

And, when the baby once again hears your voice, he understands - now there will be another ban. Therefore, the child is not capable of normal interaction with you and rebels through disobedience.

Remember! For every “no” you say, always say three “yes”. This means that if you forbid something to your baby, you must immediately allow something. That is, the child should always have an alternative.

1. One of the reasons for the child's hysteria and disobedience may be a simple physiological need: hunger, fatigue, want to drink, etc.;

You should at this moment hug the baby, kiss him and tell him that you understand him: “Yes, I know you are thirsty. Now we will go to the first store with you and buy you water.

And you should not tell your child about your difficulties: “I already have heavy bags, and you still have your requests.” A kid at 3 years old is not able to realize the gravity of your situation.

1. A child at 3 years old does not obey and is hysterical because something does not work out for him. Your task is to help him cope with this;

For example, divide one large process into several small steps. Offer to help your child.

And you, in turn, when the child again takes up the case with which he had difficulties, prepare the process so that he can cope with it.

1. Often children do not obey during dressing and gathering outside;

The kid insists on tying his own shoelaces, fastening buttons, etc. You, of course, are always in a hurry and push it so that it gathers faster and does not slow down the process with its independence.

Never do this. You must definitely wait for the child to cope with what he has taken on and not interfere with your help, unless he himself asks you about it.

In order for this not to knock down your plans, start preparing for the street in advance, laying extra time for this.

It is also very important to give a choice: “Do you want to wear this hat or will you choose another one?”

The child should feel his importance, then in situations where you really need to insist on your own, he will take it easier and not throw another tantrum.

1. Before you start a conversation with the baby, be sure to go down to the level of his eyes: sit down on your knees, etc. Hug him;
2. Speak aloud to the child about his feelings: “I understand, you don’t like it” and suggest ways out of the situation;

For example: “You can’t have this candy, but we’ll go now and, with the help of a magic wand, we’ll prepare unusual cheesecakes.” Do not forget: everything is only through the game.

1. In a calm voice, hugging the baby, say that you can talk to him only when he calms down a little;

Remove the object of irritation or see from the place that caused the conflict.

Offer him a so-called "place of calm." This may be, for example, his room, a secluded place at a party, etc. Tell the child that when he calms down a little, you will be waiting for him at a certain place (name it).

How to cope when the child does not obey in the store and throws tantrums.

A child does not obey his parents at the age of 3, often in public places. You are probably familiar with the situation when you normally cannot go to the store with your baby without doing without tears and whims.

Here are some ways to reduce the risk of possible conflict situations:

• The hands of the child should be busy with something. Give him before you go to the store, your favorite toy;
• Encourage your child to make a choice of no more than two units. At 3 years old, it is difficult for him to choose from 3 or more things. For example: “Would you like strawberry juice or apple juice?”;
• If none of the steps you have taken help, then take the child out of the store. Calmly, hugging him, but at the same time quickly and confidently;

Stop on the street, drink water with him, calm down and say: “I don’t like this behavior of yours. I thought we'd buy something with you. But that's okay, we'll go to the store next time."

What parents should not respond to.

You should never pay attention to the remarks and comments of strangers or relatives.

While you are trying to deal with your raging child, you may hear, “Awful behavior. How could this be allowed to happen?" or "Well, of course, it's no wonder you spoil him so much."

Remember! Only those people who not only have no idea about age-related changes and are not interested in it can speak like that. They don't understand that this is normal. Or those people who do not have their own children.

Remember one thing: now there is only you and your baby, with whom you need to resolve the conflict as efficiently as possible (see also the article: How to make a child obey?>>>).

What not to do when the child does not obey

There are ways that you should not resort to during conflict resolution under any circumstances, no matter how much you would like to do it.

1. Never walk away from a problem;

This means that you can not give or allow everything that the baby wants, if you do it to the detriment of yourself, if only he would calm down.

This is how the child learns to achieve everything through tantrums and conflicts, and not through interaction, compromises and negotiations.

1. Don't seek victory at any cost;

This is when you show your superiority: "As I said, so be it."

By doing this, you doom your child to the manifestation of lack of will in the future. He develops an understanding that there is someone who is stronger and older, it is useless to fight with him.

In the future, this may be a boss at work, a more authoritative classmate, etc.

At the same time, it is worth maintaining and maintaining your maternal authority (do not confuse it with authoritarianism!). For more information on how to do this, see the Mother-in-Chief course!>>>

How to properly end the conflict that has developed during the disobedience of the child

Every kid after the manifestation of disobedience remains the feeling that he is bad.

Your task is to remove this feeling.

A child should always feel good, loved and needed.

You must have a ritual of reconciliation:

• Extend your hand to the baby and say: "Let's put up";
• It can be "Peace, make up and don't fight anymore";
• Be sure to hug, kiss and tell him that you love him under any circumstances.

So you will let the baby know that you know why this happened and that this is normal, you understand that the child regrets disobedience and will try not to behave like that again.

The main thing you should come to in a conflict situation that has developed due to the fact that a child at 3 years old does not obey is a healthy compromise.

1. You need to make it clear to the baby that you also have your own desires and you perfectly understand what he wants;
2. You need to show your child that together with him you can always find a way to resolve the situation in a way that is good for both you and him.

And, of course, love and patience - this should remain the main motto for you under any circumstances!

If a child does not speak at 2 years old, this may signal a possible delay in speech development. And when a child does not speak at 3 years old - a clear sign of its presence. What does lagging behind the established norms of speech development mean.

The difference from other children is that the baby begins to speak, only much later. This is reflected in the formation of the child's psyche and makes it difficult for him to communicate with others. As a result, cognitive processes are also disturbed.

The prerequisites for the development of speech are the needs for emotional communication with parents and other adults.

Speech is one of the important components of the overall development of the child. Such mental processes as memory, attention, thinking and imagination are directly related to understanding the speech of others. Why does it take a lot of effort afterwards. After all, it is necessary to make up for lost time, while the baby did not speak. A serious consequence is the occurrence of mental retardation.

For the timely correction of speech delay, it is important to understand the features of its development.

Stages of speech formation

1. preverbal period. It starts at birth and lasts up to 6-10 months. It manifests itself in the form of a scream, babble or cooing. Thus, he declares his needs to others. About being hungry, hurting, scared, wet, cold or hot, etc. Up to 5 months, speech addressed to him evokes an emotional reaction in the form of a “revitalization complex”. At this age, they actively listen to the conversation of adults. And although they still do not know how to speak themselves, by the end of this period they already understand from 50 to 100 words. May try to pronounce simple syllables such as "ma", "pa", etc.
2. stage of speech development. It starts at 8-10 months and lasts up to two years. During this period, the baby begins to understand that sounds can be combined. And use these combinations to meet your needs. For example, call your mother, saying: “ma-ma” ... And also they can already answer questions with gestures. With the help of intonation, they learn to express emotions, such as anger, joy or fear.
3. Stage of development of speech communication. It starts at two years and lasts up to 6-7 years. The kid has come a long way in order to recognize speech and be able to use it in communication. At this age, the first words already appear. Perhaps even phrases of two to four words. He perfectly understands what he is told and is able to carry out orders. Having mastered a vocabulary of about 300 words, he is able to point to the objects that are called to him.

Table of normal speech development

Required vocabulary table

You can learn more about how to develop vocabulary in preschoolers from the article on.

If your baby does not speak, or speaks poorly, you should find out the reasons for the delay in speech. You can turn to specialists, such as a speech therapist, psychologist, pediatric neurologist, psychotherapist and otolaryngologist. They will help to find the factors that influenced the fact that the child does not speak at 2 or 3 years. And also eliminate them in order to contribute to speech development.

Causes of speech delay

Physiological

• Genetics. The process of maturation of nerve cells that are responsible for speech activity is very slow. This immaturity of the nervous system is inherited. This means that one of the close relatives of the child was also in no hurry to join the conversations.
• Sometimes the baby does not speak due to a general disorder of the nervous system. It manifests itself as one of the symptoms against the background of intellectual delay and motor failure.
• Hearing impairment. Speech can only be formed by reproducing what is heard. The child does not understand how the words sound. Hearing loss can be congenital. Sometimes it occurs due to injuries of the auditory canal or a severe illness.
• Brain disease or injury. Occur due to infectious diseases in the prenatal period and during the first year of life. Due to trauma, especially during childbirth. And also with hypoxia.
• The baby may not speak well because he has poorly developed facial muscles, in particular, the mouth.
• And also if he has congenital anomalies of the tongue, lips, palate or facial muscles (“cleft palate”, “hare lip” ...).
• Mental illness. With mental retardation, a characteristic feature is the lag in speech activity. With autism, the baby does not need to communicate with others, all attention is directed inward. Therefore, speech can be very late.

Social

• Lack of speech. When parents do not pay attention to the child, they do not talk to him. Accordingly, he does not form a need to express emotions or requirements to satisfy his requests.
• Hyper-care. In the same way, the need for expression is not formed. Why is the baby not talking? Parents themselves do not give such an opportunity. They guess his desires, anticipate them. Because of such overprotectiveness, he does not need to understand something, to try to understand something. Someone else will do it for him.
• Unfavorable social conditions. They can lead to mental illness, emotional disorders. And, accordingly, to a delay in speech development.
• Negativism. It usually occurs when the parents put in too much effort to get the baby to talk. They force them to repeat the word they said, scold them when they refuse, beg or punish them. If a child spoke at the age of three, albeit badly, then over time it will stop altogether. Refusal is expressed passively, in ignoring the request. Or actively rejected. The difficulty is that the baby refuses not only to repeat when asked. But he does not speak at all in any situation.
• Gadget distraction. Excessive passion for TV, computer games or constant watching of cartoons negatively affects the body as a whole. Until the development of autism. It is sometimes convenient for adults that the child is distracted, but the consequences will not be long in coming.
• Bilingualism. When there are speakers of different languages ​​in the family, it is difficult for the baby. He needs more time to learn to understand both adults. There is a risk that it will combine words from different languages ​​in one sentence. But over time, everything normalizes and will be able to talk on each of them.

Psychological

• Fright. The child may stop talking due to stress or fear. Sometimes violations are manifested in stuttering, sometimes children become silent altogether.
• Unfavorable family environment. If a child at two or three years old is a witness to assault or frequent scandals, then this can affect his mental development. Speech development can be delayed from constantly living stress.

Alalia

Why else the child does not speak, or speaks poorly, is when a pathology of the nervous system occurs, which leads to speech underdevelopment. It's called Alalia. It is difficult to diagnose, but if detected early, it can be corrected.

There is sensory alalia and motor alalia. With sensory, the baby does not perceive speech, he cannot separate the words from each other. Sometimes you can see how he says the last phrase said to another, or repeats the question. This is called echolalia and is sometimes present in autism. The speech of others sounds in the background, so the brain does not receive enough information. Why does mental retardation occur over time.

With motor alalia, 3 degrees are distinguished, depending on the damage to the brain:

1. The child does not speak until the age of three, but then the period begins when he speaks in fragments of words, as if “swallowing” the endings.
2. If the baby understands what is being said, then he himself is not able to put his tongue or lips in the right position to repeat.
3. May make mistakes in the wrong rearrangement of syllables, use the wrong case. Usually accompanied by undeveloped motor skills, it is difficult for them to make simple movements. Thinking and memory suffer.

Alalia occurs with injuries or brain tumors. With pathology of the central nervous system and difficult childbirth. And also if there was a Rh-conflict with the mother. Why is it important to show the baby to specialists if he does not speak and at least one of the above reasons is present. They will be able not only to prescribe a correction and treatment. And also to distinguish the usual tempo delay of speech from a severe pathology of speech development.

What should parents do if their baby does not speak or speaks reluctantly and badly:

• In order to develop the speech of the baby, it is important to adhere to a clear daily routine. This means that proper nutrition, alternation of sleep and rest must be present. This will contribute to its full development and health. In a cheerful state and in a good mood, he will be more active and easier to make contact. And accordingly, take the first steps in speech development.
• Talk to babies and older children more often. Contact him, tell about the world around him, about yourself. Share experiences or joyful moments. This will not only develop his speech, but also teach him to understand himself and his reactions. And also to create a closer and deeper connection in the relationship. Such a baby will grow, feeling the attention and acceptance of loved ones, which will contribute to his normal self-esteem and his own importance to others.
• If the baby does not speak or speaks reluctantly and poorly, spend more time together, qualitatively and actively. Arrange more often joint outdoor recreation or do household chores together. Taking part in helping adults, the child will try to be like them, which is very motivating to develop speech abilities.
• Play various games with him, aimed at development. All sorts of light puzzles, cards with animals or objects will replenish his vocabulary and encourage him to repeat the correct pronunciation after you. The main thing is not to put pressure on him, do not force him to avoid negativism. Fascinated by the game, he himself will try to pronounce the words.
• Offer to complete your sentence. Suitable in cases where the child understands, but it makes no sense for him to talk about his desires, because an adult foresees them. For example, “Today after sleep we will go ...”, “Do you want to eat ...”. It also helps to recognize their needs and understand that parents listen to his opinion and desires.
• Fine motor skills play a very significant role in activating the speech center. You can do crafts together from dough or plasticine. Kinetic sand for sale, which can captivate even adults. Let him go through cereals and pasta. Prepare space and clothes for finger painting. They develop motor skills and focus on various lacing when the little one tries to thread the tip into the hole. Scatter the multi-colored buttons and beads into a bowl. Tell us about their size in relation to each other and shape.
• Read fairy tales, tell rhymes, nursery rhymes and ditties. This develops, replenishes the vocabulary of a two or three year old child. And most importantly, it creates a joyful mood. And lullabies relax and evoke a feeling of comfort and security.
• If the baby does not speak well, visit playgrounds, parks and play centers more often. When he starts playing with a kid who is already talking, he will try to copy him, do like him. These parents are used to understanding and guessing the needs of their child without words. And strangers, especially children, will provoke the speedy connection of the speech center.
• If the “silent person” is already three years old, and he hardly speaks, then psychologists recommend sending him to kindergarten. In the company of the same preschoolers, he will be able to talk. The main thing is to prepare it for the garden. Explain to the caregivers that the baby does not yet speak and that one should not put pressure on him or demand. And over time, after adapting to new conditions, the little one himself will show a desire to do like the rest of the children.

You can learn more about how to develop speech in preschoolers from the article on. And you may also find speech development exercises useful in the article on.

The sooner you start corrective work, the easier it will be for your baby to speak. In 2015, psychologists and speech therapists from one of the preschool educational institutions in Moscow conducted research with three-year-old children who had speech development delays. The parents of these ten babies adhered to the above recommendations. Basically, the task was to make fakes and stuff for the development of small motorboats. And also read a lot of books, poems and nursery rhymes. A year later, 9 out of 10 children caught up with their peers in speech development.