Do girls like modest guys: the psychology of relationships. Seduction tips: how to deal with a guy's shyness? We reveal the secret of his fears

Did you like a shy guy? How to seduce him without scaring him or seeming annoying? What actions can you take and which should you avoid? Let's try to answer these questions in more detail.

We must not forget: shyness is the same natural character trait as friendliness, sociability or openness. Not every person (especially at the first meeting) is ready to make close contact with others: sometimes it takes time to feel comfortable and open up.

Reasons for modesty

Let's figure out what the reasons for isolation and modesty may be:

1. Character trait. In this case, a person can be withdrawn both exclusively in front of unfamiliar people and in front of friends. The fact is that introverted people feel more comfortable alone with themselves or in a narrow circle of friends and relatives than in a large company. You shouldn’t be surprised that such a guy will be closed until you enter that very “circle”.
2. Reluctance to show affection. Guys often become more withdrawn when they see a girl they like. You can observe from the outside how he behaves during your absence, or ask friends about his usual behavior (preferably so that he does not find out about it).
3. The last reason is the opposite of the previous one: the young man does not want to open up to you because he experiences antipathy. If you are sure that you cannot cause negative emotions and feelings, you can not stop at this point.

Signs of sympathy from a guy

If you yourself cannot determine the reason for his modesty, try to make sure that he likes you, the following signs will help:

How to overcome modesty in communication?

To move to a new level of relationship, you need to overcome difficulties in communicating with a modest guy. Try one of these tips:

1. Start with communication on social networks, it helps to avoid awkward pauses and other situations that the guy may be worried about.
2. If you decide to have a live conversation, think in advance about a list of topics on which you can chat (take into account his interests, type of activity), a modest man will not fill a long pause on his own.
3. The first meeting does not have to be held alone with each other. The presence of other people will dilute the situation and prevent the young man from closing himself off. The ideal option would be to meet in a cafe or walk in the park.
4. During communication, try to ask leading questions, giving your lover the opportunity to speak out and express his point of view, this will help you become closer.
5. Choose a balanced manner of communication: a lower timbre, a calm tone. If a guy is truly an introvert, he will be more comfortable around you.
6. There is no need to ask sharp and provocative questions; it is better to limit yourself to a standard set of topics at the first meeting (hobbies, mutual acquaintances, occupation, life stories, etc.).
7. Don't ask the question: "Are you always acting so modest?" There will be a long pause, awkwardness, and the guy will want to end your conversation as soon as possible.

What further steps can be taken?

If your communication continues successfully, you can take further steps:

1. Ask the young man for help in an area in which he understands. Be it advice on banking investments or replacing tires on a car. When the task is finished, be sure to praise him and thank him. This will help a man feel more confident and will endear him to you.
2. Try to find common ground in your common hobbies. Find out more about his favorite activities and hobbies. Firstly, expand the list of topics for conversation, secondly, you will become closer to your lover, and thirdly, you will be able to continue development in this area together.
3. Try to join his social circle. He is not too big, but each of his friends is a special person for the guy. Show yourself in a favorable light, demonstrate that you are the best contender for the heart of a modest person. For such people, the opinions of close friends are incredibly important.

One step away from a serious relationship: what not to do?

For a modest guy, any relationship is a natural process; don’t expect loud confessions and proposals. If you realize that you are gradually approaching the status of his girlfriend, remember what steps not to take:

1. Immediately hint at intimacy. Even a shy guy will be able to communicate that he is ready for a new level of intimacy. Your unconscious impulse will only frighten him away, give him time.
2. Start serious conversations on the topic “Who are we to each other?” Don't worry, the man will still declare his feelings. He has different ways of demonstrating them.
3. Try to be nearby all the time. Don't forget: isolation and modesty are clear signs of an introvert. Such people need a break from society (not only masses of unfamiliar friends, but also acquaintances and loved ones). Give the guy freedom and personal time.
4. Trying to evoke strong emotions or feelings (for example, jealousy) in order to prompt action. Firstly, such a step will be useless, since it will only cause a negative reaction from the young man (introverts try to avoid useless noise, scandals, quarrels). Secondly, personal opinion about you may change in a negative direction.

Remember: relationships should make a person happy. Surround him with understanding and tenderness, then you will definitely receive them in return.

A shy guy is an ordinary person who has a tendency to communicate in a narrow circle, preferring to keep a certain distance from strangers. Respect the peculiarities of his character if you want to become a worthy lady of your heart. Your patience and understanding will help you build serious, strong relationships; with such men they are truly possible.

Modern culture - I hope you won't accuse us of old grumbling - is doomed to cheap theatrical gestures. Just look at all these short-term video blogs that rise to the top with their certainly primitive, somewhat wild humor. Social networks have changed people, they have changed men. For the better? God knows, it seems to us that there is little good in this. We see how people make faces, flaunt their “successes,” their wealth, and even, in a sense, their intelligence.

Everyone digs in their own swamp and tries to become a unique and original person there. But this happens not because of achievements, not because of hard work, but because of a gesture: you go out with your bare ass into the city square, smear yourself with feces and shout: “Yes, that’s who I am, and if you don’t like it, then fuck you!” Of course, many will begin to applaud, whistle, they may make an idol out of you, or they may throw you off the stage. However, after all this action, you realize how empty your life was, and how generally expectations do not correspond to reality. And it makes no difference where this scene is located: in a professional field, on the Internet or among a group of friends. The result is always the same.

Modern society considers modesty to be some kind of rudiment that defines losers, or something that makes a lady beautiful, but not a man who must tear, and throw, and speak loudly about himself. However, when you are faced with the grin of a hard life, extreme, you understand that this is precisely the quality of a person that separates you from your own bestial side. And I hope there is no need to explain why the beast inside you is bad.

Primordial Virtue

Let's go back to basics. Why has modesty been considered a positive quality at all times and in all cultures? You can, of course, cite some religious arguments as an example, but the truth lies on the surface. For the most part, people live worse than average. There is always a class of rich people and tons of poor people. And, of course, the majority of the population has a certain line that the rich should not cross, otherwise they will face a very sad time, which is called revolution.

When we see how serious the difference is between the incomes of the majority of the population and the elite, the thought immediately arises in our heads: “Did I choose the right job for myself?” How are such corners smoothed? If we talk about the natural solution that was in use among the same Russian aristocrats, then this is banal modesty. If merchants and traders allowed themselves to show off their wealth right and left, then the nobles, as a rule, did not like to dwell on this matter. At the end of the 19th century, among other things, there was a well-known tradition when the main representative of a noble family washed the feet of his servants, peasants, and workers. Now it would probably look wild if our officials washed the feet of metallurgical factory workers.

The same can be said about such a formation as “gentlemen,” who trace their tradition straight from the chivalry of the Renaissance. However, the very institution of “gentlemanship” has long since decayed in the Western world, but in our country, in fact, we never had it. But we do believe that there would be much less irritation in society if every wealthy person ceased to present his wealth or position as something that elevates him above the rest. These are simple rules of decency that are increasingly forgotten.

Complete control over your mind and body

If you are modest in drink, food, clothing, then you are not a monk from some remote place, not a martyr or a hermit. If you limit yourself in material goods or use only what you need, then you are the same person who is in complete control of your spirit and your body. You won't climb Everest if you're tied to parmesan and a warm bed, you won't cross the Atlantic in a longship if you can't live a day without a piece of good meat. Could Roman soldiers have walked such a victorious path through the world if their lives had been idle, stupid and full of excesses?

Many will say: “Why limit myself if I have both money and opportunities?” Well, here, our friend, it comes down to the strength of your personality. If you cannot control your property, then it controls you. Just like I said.

Nobody likes shy guys, but...

But modest ones attract girls' sympathy. And here’s the thing: if you have any achievements, and you report them to your girlfriend at every corner, the result will be the suppression of her personality. She either feels insignificant (if she believes you) or feels disappointed (if you are arrogant).

Yes, we must clearly understand that embarrassment and modesty are not synonyms at all. If you are, then, as a rule, you will not have any achievements. You simply cannot get out of your proverbial comfort zone. But modest guys are a different matter. They don’t have to assert themselves through the failures and mistakes of other people. They understand perfectly well that people have different abilities and it is better to help with advice rather than tell “your success story” when this “success story”, among other things, is very doubtful.

Talk less and do more, and then you will be popular among the fair sex.

Modesty is a sign of taste

There is also such an important part of modern life as. And they don’t expect from a man what is expected from a peacock or an Arab sheikh. If you see an unhealthy imbalance, then you immediately understand that something is wrong with the guy. In the traditions of some nations, it is customary to flaunt their material assets: a flashy sports car, expensive watches, jewelry, a bunch of useless but insanely expensive accessories. But in a civilized society this is called “gypsyism,” which clearly speaks of the intellectual level of the person in front of you and whether it is worth dealing with him.

There are some standards that you should adhere to just for the sake of decency, and everything else looks cheap and vulgar, even if you have millions in your pockets.

He modest guy or he just doesn't like me? Is it worth bothering with this question?

What is better: to make a man without complexes run after you, or to please a modest guy?

Recently, while buying cherries at the market, I met one such modest fellow from my past. While this modest man helped me carry my bags, he entertained me by describing in detail how long and hopelessly he had been in love with me. I couldn't believe my ears. Then he refreshed the plot of his drama in my memory.

I am 16, he is 20. He accidentally saw me on stage reading poetry, and immediately drew me a luminous halo above my head: “You seemed so exalted to me, so inaccessible, that I began to painfully think about how to approach you so that Don't look funny."

“Through one of your relatives I found out your phone number, I even tried to call, but you had such a cold tone that I thought: a few more words and you would end the conversation, so I decided to end it first! Then, again through your relative, I got the opportunity to get into that summer cafe where you, unsuspecting, danced on the podium. I waited for you at the table, and you... looked arrogantly and ignored my offer to give you a ride home.”

I began to remember. I was dancing, my brother came up and said: “It’s late, go home.” Then he brought this modest guy to me and said: “He will take you home.” Handsome, athletically built m.ch. looked past me indifferently. I said, "Hello." He said: "Let's go." I answered: “No.” And then, muttering something under his breath, he turned around and left!

All psychological problems come from childhood. Contrary to popular belief, modesty is a character trait that interferes with living and building social and personal relationships normally. Today it is difficult to predict how successfully a modest guy will be able to adapt to society. Sometimes this quality becomes a serious obstacle to success.

The Nature of Modesty

The person has a high level of emotionality. All our experiences are reflected in everyday life. Each emotion manifests itself differently in the human body. When experiencing fear, a person feels a chill in the stomach and dizziness. Aggression is reflected in muscle contractions. Modesty causes a whole stream of strange sensations. For a shy person, whole life is one continuous test. He is in constant nervous tension and feels normal only in a familiar, standard environment for his psyche.

Modesty is not defined as a mental disorder, but it does lead to a number of problems.

Modest guys often remain “on the other side of the barricades.” They are underestimated, not heard and not noticed, which is basically what they are trying to achieve. However, over time, a moment comes when you want banal affection and praise, but there is simply no person who understands your feelings, aspirations, experiences.

Loneliness for such a guy becomes the norm of life. Excessive modesty does not allow a person to advance in life and leaves merits in work unnoticed. Even having a family does not save you from shyness. Modest young people fall in love with a powerful woman who resembles a mother. The manifestation of this character trait is influenced by 2 factors.

• Heredity.
• Wrong upbringing.

Overcoming shyness in childhood is much easier. A character trait that has not yet acquired phobias, self-doubt and other complexes is easily modeled into the correct behavioral reaction.

The main reason for manifestations of hyper-embarrassment is the omission of parents. The child does not know how to react to surrounding factors and expresses this in his own way.

Usually any irritants cause a storm of emotions and hysterics. Under the influence of a hyper-shy parent or an overly domineering one, an incorrect picture of the world’s perception is formed. The child is afraid of people, of other people's assessments. The main component of modesty is fear. The older a person gets, the more he realizes his inferiority. He is not able to start a conversation with his peers, he sits at home all the time when they are walking and learning about the world through trial and error. A modest guy doesn’t have this opportunity.

Psychological portrait of a modest guy

The first characteristic feature of shy men is isolation, which is provoked by fear of society. She shows a reluctance to start conversations. Discomfort in communication forces a person to withdraw into his own imaginary world. If the interlocutor is active and in the mood for communication, he is able to bring the silent person out of his stupor.

The second characteristic feature of a modest guy is awkwardness. She practically never leaves the modest guy. Engaged in regular self-examination, a person does not find any positive qualities in himself. It is awkward for a person to be even in a familiar circle. Due to the lack of communication experience, the guy is afraid to do or say something unnecessary.

Critical self-analysis is a characteristic feature of the psychological portrait of a modest man. A person constantly analyzes himself and what is happening. He creates his own comfortable world, consisting of a continuous chain of assessments, unclear judgments, and attitudes.

Modesty is defined as a structural component of personality that brings discomfort, reduces the quality of life, and interferes with a person’s development in society.

Behavioral characteristics of a modest guy:

• not suitable to be the first to meet;
• rarely engages in conversation;
• shows almost no emotions;
• rarely goes out with peers;
• mostly communicates with girls on social networks or via SMS messages;
• dependent on other people's opinions;
• always looks good, neatly dressed.

Mistakes when raising shy boys

In childhood, it is important not to miss the moment, otherwise shyness will remain a constant companion in the boy’s life. The first signs of modesty are noted already at the age of 2, when, at the sight of strangers, the boy hides behind his mother or does not raise his eyes. Everything foreign and unknown looks frightening to him and causes a storm of emotions. In addition to behavioral reactions, the child experiences increased fatigue.

In such a child, during development, the thought process prevails over physical activity.

The child is unable to express his emotions either verbally or figuratively, which negatively affects his mental state and general health. The modest boy is touchy and in a bad mood almost all the time. A child can behave relaxed only next to his mother or in the most comfortable situation for him.

In kindergartens and schools, such children rarely open up, practically do not communicate with their peers, and sit silently in the corner.

With overly developed modesty, the child begins to fear society. Going to the store can cause a panic attack. This is an extreme case. To prevent the development of hypermodesty, consult a neurologist. Communicate more with your child, do not close him off from the world. Enroll in an early development group of 3-5 people. This will allow the child to learn to communicate with peers and attract the attention of the teacher.

In kindergarten, usually modest children do not have the opportunity to express themselves. Few teachers call the kids to action a second time, citing the fact that there are too many children in the group. This is another reason for the development of complexes in children, when more active peers take part in all programs, and the rest act as mute spectators.

The child must be involved in the life processes of society. Try several circles at once. Choose the one that he likes most. He needs people to surround him. This could be dancing, drawing, modeling, gymnastics. Modest people perform well in sports and creativity.

The nuances of communicating with a modest man

Due to the lack of information among parents, and sometimes experience and qualified specialists, a wide variety of complexes flourish in our world. It rarely occurs to anyone to “treat shyness” in childhood: a modest child looks cute. But when he grows up, his problems are not “nice” at all. If a guy is too shy and doesn’t communicate much with others, this does not mean that he does not experience a standard set of feelings. He, like everyone else, needs the love and affection of a woman.

In a relationship with such a guy, you will have to take on the main role. The first step is to make sure that he really likes you. This will be noticeable in your behavior. When he meets you, he lowers his eyes, blushes, and during a conversation he cannot string together two words, but in messages he scribbles entire pages.

Shy guys look well-groomed, they are often handsome and pumped up.

For such a person, everything about his appearance is important. Every time he thinks that he is not good enough, so he constantly tries to improve himself. At first glance, a girl cannot understand why such a handsome man stays alone. And in his soul there is a hive of complexes, and he is afraid of the girl he likes like a natural disaster.

The key to starting a relationship is trusting communication. Eliminate mocking tone and criticism. Try to communicate calmly and adequately perceive his humor (remember that he has little experience in communication). With your help, a young man will be able to discover facets of character that he himself did not know about. He will feel more confident in public and will be more open.

Shy men make good husbands.

But it is necessary that the first experience of communicating with a woman becomes positive, and does not end in a fiasco. Defeat will only strengthen his inferiority complex. It is important to understand that pathological modesty is the result of long-term work; the complex was cultivated like a flower and it will be difficult to eradicate it.

A woman should not be too persistent. The first sexual experience for such guys is also very stressful, so you should be careful when leading a shy boyfriend to this moment. For him, the first kiss on the cheek, a light touch of the hand - a whole stream of emotions, strange and unexpected.

Rules for dealing with a shy boyfriend or husband

Contrary to popular belief, the man is not the head of the family. Without a supportive, inspiring woman, no man could achieve success in life. Behind many successful businessmen, politicians, historical and cultural figures who built their success bit by bit from scratch, there is a woman. In the case of a modest man, you will have to sweat a little more.

The rules of behavior with a shy man will be useful to every girl.

• Do not put too much pressure on your chosen one, otherwise he will withdraw into himself even more.
• Be attentive to his problems, but don't get hung up on them. Slowly and smoothly lead him to the idea that he is attractive and important to you.
• Point out his positive qualities. Never use your ex-boyfriends as an example, otherwise you will completely kill his trust and self-esteem.
• Show him that he is in charge and you feel secure around him. Let him feel like a real man, strong, confident, who can possess his woman and seek her attention.
• Refuse to make any claims. Be clear about his responsibilities each time.
• Spend time together, take it with you when you meet friends, to the gym. A person needs to see an example, understand how to communicate with people.
• Learn to support him and demand the same attitude towards yourself. Show him that in a relationship it is important to focus not only on your problems.

If you dig deeper, modesty is akin to egocentrism.

A person is fixated on his fear and tries to do everything to ensure his own comfort. But a self-centered person does not want to realize his problem, while a modest person considers it a pathology. A woman’s task is to smoothly lead a man out of the comfort zone where he is used to living. At first it will be a shock, but that’s what a woman is needed to help him survive it.

A modest man is like a blank sheet of paper. You can write whatever you want on it, but you need to get it out of its shell. Inside him lives a driven, sad boy, full of complexes and fears. In this relationship, you will have to play the role of mother and sexual partner in one person. The point is not to copy the image of his own mother, but to quickly learn the basics of communication and life in general. You need to become a guru for him, help build a new unknown world in which there will be no place for old attitudes.

In modern society, men with a strong and assertive character are valued. A modest guy sometimes evokes pity and ridicule both from members of his own sex, who have managed to achieve more in life, and from women. But such a young person often does not need to change radically; it is enough to slightly adjust his behavior in order to take his rightful place in life.

How a character trait develops and manifests itself

Every phenomenon usually has two sides. The same can be said about a shy guy: in childhood he is a modest and well-mannered boy, who over the years turns into an educated and handsome young man.

But the family has a decisive influence, both positive and negative, on the guy’s future existence. His modesty is often caused by:

• characteristics of the family structure;
• poor health;
• the fact that his parents protected him from all problems and forbade him from many things;
• he was not allowed to show individuality, to demonstrate his emotions.

Having matured, modest guys often experience discomfort when communicating with people, performing any tasks, and are sensitive to being praised or scolded.

This is also reflected in their physical condition - they turn pale, stutter, suddenly become silent, and are out of breath. The modest guy's behavior speaks for itself:

• he avoids new acquaintances;
• rarely agrees to invitations to visit;
• communicates mainly via the Internet;
• silent during conversation.

Often the modest guy has a hard time:

• he is underestimated by others;
• friends laugh at him;
• successes are devalued;
• no career advancement;
• girls don't pay attention.

What's good about modesty?

All men want to build happy relationships with the opposite sex. But often nothing works out for a guy who is too modest - girls simply cannot see their positive qualities:

• loyalty;
• honesty;
• caring;
• attention to the needs of the girl;
• respectful attitude towards women;
• politeness and correctness;
• masculinity.

How to tell if a shy guy likes you

Many women are attracted by external shine - they cannot look inside the soul to recognize a person, but they want to get a reliable life partner. If a guy is modest, then in the presence of a girl he likes, he:

• changes in face;
• actively gesticulates;
• becomes silent for a long time;
• avoids looking her in the eye.

How to behave when communicating

To continue acquaintance with such a man, who may turn out to be very good, the girl needs:

• do not examine the young man from head to toe;
• don't make fun of him;
• not asking more questions about his life;
• be able to keep your distance;
• be unobtrusive;
• be able to carry on a conversation.

It is easier for a modest guy to express himself in actions than in words, so girls can safely turn to him for help. He should:

• learn to control your emotions;
• establish eye contact when communicating;
• be able to build a conversation;
• be natural.

Modesty is not a vice, it can be turned into a virtue. And two people with similar characteristics can find each other in this world and live happily for many years.