It’s not customary to talk about this in society, but we’ll still talk!
Have you ever wondered why we fart? Although, probably, there is no need to think about it - this natural process, which helps our body get rid of air bubble masses that arise in the intestines due to decay products.
The main role in this is played by beneficial bacteria found in our gastrointestinal tract. However, sometimes there is increased farting (gas production). In other words, we want to emit gases anywhere and everywhere - at home, at work, in bed with our loved ones... In this case, we are looking for any ways to get rid of gases. Let's talk about this.
What makes us fart?
First, let's explain that increased gas emission begins when air accumulates in the intestines, expanding it or the stomach and causing some discomfort. This results in both burping from the mouth and farting from the rectum. There are several reasons for increased gas emissions, including:
- Chewing food quickly and not too thoroughly;
- if a person eats while experiencing some nervous discomfort;
- binge eating;
- when we eat for the coming sleep;
- an allergic reaction to certain foods, for example, potatoes, garlic and mushrooms with eggs.
By the way, farting from pregnant women is the most common occurrence, because the fetus growing in the womb puts pressure on the rectum. If the reason for the question of how to get rid of gases is only this, then you shouldn’t bother, but what if this is not the case? We need to identify it urgently!
If farting is systematic, then you should visit a doctor. It is he who will advise you on this matter, advise methods and means on how to get rid of gases easily and quickly. By the way, speaking about doctors within the framework of such a delicate topic, it is impossible not to mention the main therapist of our television - Elena Vasilievna Malysheva. Personally, she doesn’t see anything wrong with excessive gas production. According to her, she herself happily “blows out two liters of air a day” /quote/. And recently, a respected professor has approved the emission of intestinal gases... during orgasm! The doctor, of course, knows better. We won't argue here.
- First of all, try to chew what you eat thoroughly, and with your mouth closed. This will prevent air bubbles from forming down the esophagus into the stomach and then into the intestines.
- Bifidobacteria know very well how to get rid of gases in the stomach. The fact is that they are able to create a favorable environment in our stomach, coping well with emerging air masses, preventing them from entering the intestines.
- Drink as little strong coffee and tea as possible. Do not eat too hot or, conversely, very cold foods, as this also contributes to the ingestion of excess air and, as a result, increased gas formation.
- In the end, go to the pharmacy and buy there special means aimed at solving the question of how to get rid of gases in the body. These are activated carbon or special food enzymes. You should take B vitamins and magnesium with potassium from time to time as these minerals help reduce bloating. By the way, teas made from brewed chamomile, peppermint, as well as ordinary dill water also help well in combating this problem.
By “fart” we mean a certain composition of winds, which are released from the anus noisily or dully, with a smell of varying intensity. The Latins called it Crepitus ventris, the English - fart, the Old Saxons - Furlin or Partin.
General information
A fart can be defined as some wind or gas that accumulates in the lower abdomen. The reason for this, according to some doctors, is an excess of cooled mucus. With low heating, it separates, softening, but not completely dissolving. The formation of such accumulations is facilitated by the consumption of certain foods or seasonings. Also, a fart can be defined as one that, in search of a way out, passes inside the body and, having found it, hastily flies out. In society, according to the rules of good manners, it is forbidden to emit gases in this way and to somehow comment on this process.
Classification
How can you fart? There is a conventionally accepted classification. By strength, there are several types of fart. It can be simple. In this case, it can be compared with a strong single and instantaneous volley. It is formed when the gap through which the air escapes is sufficiently stretched, and the force pushing it out is powerful enough to push it out the first time. A complex fart is fired in a burst. Volleys follow each other continuously. Some authors call them "diphthongs". There is also a statement that with a strong physique, a person is able to fire a couple of dozen volleys in a row.
Mechanism of diphthong volleys
How to fart correctly? The state of the anus plays a key role in the mechanism of the diphthong volley. Before you fart, certain conditions must be met to ensure proper air release. When releasing a volley, it is advisable to follow some recommendations. As a result, you can experience quite pleasant sensations from the process.
- It must be spacious and surrounded by a sufficiently elastic and strong sphincter.
- There should be enough air to make a simple ordinary fart.
- After the first salvo is fired, the anus should close somewhat, but not completely and not too tightly. This is necessary so that the air can open it again without difficulty, provoking a slight and pleasant irritation in it. Some people compare the sensation they experience with an orgasm.
- After the air is released, close the hole, then open it again. And so on several times.
- If necessary, you can hold the remaining air to release it at another time.
For those who would like such volleys to come out effortlessly, people with experience recommend eating foods that contribute to the accumulation of air in the intestines. These include, in particular, peas, turnips, legumes, garlic, rutabaga.
The influence of diphthong volleys on the state of others
It has been practically established that such a fart can be very scary. People with such a volley can easily be thrown off balance, frightened and even deprived of their sanity. This conclusion was made on the basis of frequent observations, taking into account the constituent components from which such a bunch is formed.
Since you can fart quite strongly, the gas escaping out shakes the air quite noticeably. This certainly attracts the attention of others. Knowing how to fart loudly can easily clear your way or get rid of people you don’t want to be with. Such “weapons” are especially effective in indoor or crowded areas.
How to fart quietly?
It is not always possible to allow the air to escape noisily. Often you have to hold back volleys at work, in crowded places. So, how to fart quietly? In general, such silent air release is called “small” or “semi-vocal”. There are people who always fart quietly. This is due to the fact that their anus is not wide enough. Most often, this feature is characteristic of young girls.
In turn, a small fart can be clean, medium and “aspirated”. In the first case, the air flows gently and softly through the outlet channel. This is accompanied by a light and quiet whistle, similar to that heard when blowing into a straw. In common parlance it is called a “girl fart”. When air comes out in this case there is no unpleasant odor irritating the nose.
The average fart is different in that the air comes out without any effort. The hole at this moment should not be too compressed or open. How to fart without making a sound if you feel that the air supply is too large? You should tighten the sphincter a little, thus delaying the rushing volleys. The anus should be opened gradually. With regular training in favorable conditions you can achieve amazing results. However, odorlessness is not guaranteed.
What is flatulence, and why does it produce an unpleasant odor? Gas production can make anyone blush, but just thinking about it is the most common function of the human body that leads to improvement. general condition, may reduce suffering slightly. Moreover, this can happen not only to an ordinary citizen, but also to the Queen of England. We have collected 10 interesting facts about flatulence.
A fart is air that has accumulated in the body and can escape from various openings. This includes the air that was swallowed during food consumption. Some gases are caused by bacteria that live in the human intestines. The fart consists of 4% oxygen, 7% methane, 9% carbon dioxide, 21% hydrogen and 59% nitrogen. The smell of gas is given by sulfur, which is also contained in the fart.
The more sulfur in the products consumed, the brighter the smell will be. Some products contain a large number of sulfur than others. For example, beans, peas, soda, cheeses and eggs can give the puk such a scent that the paint will peel off the walls.
3. People pass gas about 14 times a day.
Regardless of gender, a person produces about 0.5 liters of methane every day. Moreover, the concentration of methane in the female and male body with equal food consumption is different. In females, more methane accumulates. If a person emits gas continuously for 6-9 years, then this energy will be comparable to the energy of an atomic bomb.
As usual, the smell of methane lingers in the air for about 10 seconds. But, although this speed is not so great, it is quite enough to reach the nostrils.
5. Containment can negatively impact human health.
Doctors continually argue about the harmfulness of holding gases in the body. Some argue that this is not so scary, while others believe that this can seriously damage the intestines and even cause hemorrhoids.6. In some cultures, farting is common.
In most cultures, passing gas in public is suppressed by moral standards, but some peoples consider it normal. There are tribes in India who call this process Yanomami and use it as a greeting. And in China there is even such a position - an official farter.
7. Termite Flatulence May Cause Global Warming
Termites may influence the onset of global warming. They fart more than any mammal. According to statistics, termites emit 2 to 22 Tg into the atmosphere annually. It is the second largest natural source of methane.8. Gases emitted by humans are highly flammable.
As was written earlier, when hydrogen and methane interact, the gas becomes flammable. In medical practice, there are cases when gases in the intestines cause an explosion during surgery.
9. If you hold back gas, it will come out in your sleep.
If a person squeezes the muscles of the fifth point throughout the day, the gases will still find a way out, but this will only happen in a dream.10. People fart even after death
The fact that a person emits gas after death has long been proven. This happens because gases continue to accumulate in the body and are looking for ways to escape. As a result, the dead can fart and belch for up to three hours after death.The data presented in the material are the results of scientific research and sociological surveys. The latter, by the way, can be very interesting and even funny, such as, for example.
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O. Zhuravleva- It’s 21 hours and almost 4 minutes in Moscow, this is “Nevzorovsky Wednesdays”, my name is Olga Zhuravleva. And Alexander Nevzorov greets us from St. Petersburg.
A. Nevzorov- Olenka, hello!
O. Zhuravleva- Hello.
A. Nevzorov- Dymarsky is nearby, who wants to talk about the event at Helvetia.
O. Zhuravleva― Vitaly Dymarsky, good evening.
V. Dymarsky- Good evening, we always start with our events.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. And their event is interesting.
V. Dymarsky- "Amateur Readings".
A. Nevzorov― “Amateur Readings” with a very interesting and, I would say, strong, one of the most powerful to date...
V. Dymarsky- Anti-utopians.
A. Nevzorov― Dystopians and in general, as it were, quite even publicists.
V. Dymarsky- Well, yes. This is Dmitry Glukhovsky tomorrow at Helvetia at 7 pm. Still available.
O. Zhuravleva- Do you still have tickets?
V. Dymarsky- A little, but there is.
A. Nevzorov- It makes sense to listen to him, and it makes sense to talk about him, and talk to him.
Let's go.
O. Zhuravleva- Let's talk to you.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
V. Dymarsky- Let's. What do you have with dystopias? You are in Moscow.
O. Zhuravleva- In Moscow, as you know, there is a debate going on around renovations, but we’ll probably get back to them a little later, right? This happens in St. Petersburg too.
V. Dymarsky- We don’t have a single five-story building in St. Petersburg...
A. Nevzorov- Yes, of course, but with us it’s all much more noble and without all this Moscow rudeness, without Moscow’s stupid scale and intoxication with the opportunity to legally mock people and in this way too.
O. Zhuravleva- Listen, but Putin said that he would never sign any decree if people’s rights were not fully respected. Putin is a bunny.
A. Nevzorov No, he's not a bunny...
V. Dymarsky- He's not a bunny, he's an angel.
A. Nevzorov: Their brains turn off in the presence of their superiors, that is, they work only with their backs and only bending
O. Zhuravleva- He's an angel, yes, sorry.
A. Nevzorov- Fine. But Vladimir Vladimirovich, he still trusts excessively to people who, probably, should not be trusted, because even in this story with the angel, in general, they somehow managed to make Vladimir Vladimirovich look very wrong. After all, it is clear that assistant professors turn off their brains in the presence of their superiors, that is, they work only with their backs and only in a bend. And so they somehow forgot to tell him when he heard that...
V. Dymarsky“…that he is an angel?”
A. Nevzorov- No, he didn’t just hear, he saw...
O. Zhuravleva- Like an angel fights the devil.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. Film from the Geographical Society, and immediately applied all this to himself, calling himself an angel. Unfortunately, no one explained to him what the angelfish is - besides the fact that it is, excuse me, a gastropod...
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, I noticed this.
A. Nevzorov- This is also a hermaphrodite, Olya, right?
O. Zhuravleva- ABOUT…
A. Nevzorov- Yes. Moreover, it is angelfish, which is the most offensive and disgusting thing in this story, that toothless dwarf whales, as well as blue whales, feed on. True, the only thing that, perhaps, allows the leader of a state to compare himself with such a creature is that the sea angel really eats very picturesquely, I must say, yes. He manages to stick such keratinized chitinous processes into the shell of this very monkfish and scratches this devil out for a long, long time, when he simply gets tired of this whole vile procedure of scratching and snatching it from him piece by piece, and he crawls out straight into the mouth opening of the so-called angel.
V. Dymarsky― Alexander Glebovich, let’s reassure our listeners - this is not behavior.
A. Nevzorov- No, this is not behavior yet.
O. Zhuravleva- But, by the way, you shouldn’t have offended the assistant professors, as you say.
A. Nevzorov- Why?
O. Zhuravleva- Because maybe it was so special, it was a subtle hint. Everything you describe can be attributed to Vladimir Vladimirovich and is not quite complementary.
A. Nevzorov- Well, I don’t know, at least here I should have been more careful, and Vladimir Vladimirovich should not have picked up this story with the angel and the devil so joyfully. Therefore, let’s not elevate it to some criteria, to some, let’s say, estimated values of everything, so let’s talk about Khrushchev a little later.
O. Zhuravleva- Come on, okay.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, we have a lot of things besides this, interesting and, perhaps, not so bloody. We recently had an assault on the Reichstag.
V. Dymarsky- This is military action, how is it not so bloody? What are you doing?
O. Zhuravleva- Well, okay, this is a reconstruction.
A. Nevzorov- It was a fight between cotton wool and plywood. That's what it was.
V. Dymarsky- No blood.
A. Nevzorov- No, well, they bloodied someone’s noses there, good stuntmen worked there, but since everyone understood the conventions and some bastardism, let’s say, of the action, they worked, as they say, almost without a spark and didn’t give their best. And everything was decided only by a huge crowd and that cool, calm attitude, an attitude as if it were a reconstruction, an attitude as if it were something decorative - well, this is some kind of ritual of sacrificing plywood buildings, as a sacrifice to the God of Victory. But I would say that almost everyone participating there was already, to put it mildly, atheists.
O. Zhuravleva- Tell me, Alexander Glebovich, would you, as a stuntman, want to participate in such an event? So that Shoigu can admire you from the podium?
V. Dymarsky- And if so, on whose side?
O. Zhuravleva- By the way!
A. Nevzorov- As always, it’s a question of price.
O. Zhuravleva- Oh, that’s it!
A. Nevzorov- Yes, that’s absolutely right.
V. Dymarsky- Would you defend the Reichstag?
A. Nevzorov: Uncle Zyu will gladly sprinkle himself with the “Smell of Ilyich” and will be popular
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- In reconstruction, of course.
A. Nevzorov- Of course not. I don’t do reconstructions at all and don’t really understand why they are needed. Moreover, I believe that this is one of the funniest types of lies and lies, because really, under the guise of history, we are, as it were, offered as history its dried, polished, perfumed version, a surrogate that it never was, because everything that happened then was, of course, a billion times more monstrous, a billion times more extreme and far from being so victorious, beautiful, heroic and necessary, because, after all, we know that this unfortunate Rechstag and Berlin were taken precisely in order to to meet certain dates, that tens and hundreds of thousands of people were packed so that, God forbid, the British or Americans would not come there. Therefore, everything is not so simple at all, and I would generally refrain from all these religious events.
V. Dymarsky- No matter how cynical it sounds, but in my opinion, from the point of view of such purely financial costs, it was cheaper, in my opinion, then than it is now.
A. Nevzorov- Maybe.
V. Dymarsky- Now it’s a third of a billion dollars...
A. Nevzorov- Perhaps, yes, we don’t yet know how much we sawed off from this. But, however, this is no longer our business, it happened, and Russia’s insane passion for showing off was, to some extent, managed to be satisfied for some time.
O. Zhuravleva- But tell me, Alexander Glebovich, also about the passion for showing off and about the attitude towards history. In connection with Lenin's birthday, the theme of the mausoleum arose again - to close, open, bury... What should be done here?
A. Nevzorov- And you know, here you need to calculate how much it costs to maintain this luxurious corpse, and if there are people who are ready to invest in it, if there are people who can shell out money for a barrel so that all this continues to exist in this form, so let it be. In general, this is a goldmine. After all, you can organize luxurious shows there, in this mausoleum, right? Well, a nerve-wracking show: “A Night with Ilyich,” huh?
V. Dymarsky- Corporate events.
O. Zhuravleva- You can sell magnets with Ilyich there.
A. Nevzorov- It can be taken to corporate events. He can be taken to GUM, where he would work as a mannequin for the latest collection, Dolce&Gabbana. It would be possible to publish perfumes, release perfumes - you remember “The Smell of Ilyich” from Soviet times.
O. Zhuravleva- And the soap “In Lenin’s Places”, yes, of course.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. No, if there are such perfumes, then we will be able to recognize communists by their smell.
O. Zhuravleva- Many people recognize them anyway.
A. Nevzorov- Uncle Zyu will be very happy to sprinkle himself with the “Smell of Ilyich” and will enjoy even greater popularity among himself...
V. Dymarsky- But tell me, you’re a big fan of all sorts of scientific things, but in this whole operation to preserve Ilyich, is there some kind of scientific component?
A. Nevzorov- There is a very large scientific component, but everything that could be milked from this story, everything that could be learned, has already been learned. In addition, as you yourself understand, Vladimir Ilyich lies in the mausoleum, being absolutely brainless.
O. Zhuravleva- Of course, the brain is stored in another place.
A. Nevzorov- It is not stored, it was a long time ago...
V. Dymarsky- Seized.
A. Nevzorov- It has long been divided into many microslides; it was used back in the days of Sarkisov, the then director of the Brain Institute. In general, it all started with Karl Vogt, who was invited by the Bolsheviks, and then the neuromorphologists who studied Lenin’s brain were faced with the task of finding something extraordinary in Lenin’s brain at all costs that distinguishes this brain from the brains of other people.
V. Dymarsky- Found it?
A. Nevzorov- No, they absolutely didn’t find it, and they couldn’t find it, because, well, there is no correlation between talents, between inclinations and between anatomy and even microanatomy. Does not exist.
V. Dymarsky- But the famous St. Petersburg Bekhterev clinic dealt with the brain, yes, now the Chernigov clinic deals with the brain.
A. Nevzorov- As for Chernigovskaya, understand, for example, you are a physicist, right?
V. Dymarsky- Well, just for example.
A. Nevzorov- Eg. And you are serious about physics, you already know that a propagator is not just a plant box, you can use the wave function. Then you open a book that says that Einstein is a fool, that gravity is a Jewish invention, and that the Earth is flat.
That is, both Chernigov and all these, let’s say, today’s movements, including Savelyev, this is already such a parascience, these are what are called alternativeists who have moved away from Einstein’s theory, the theory of brain physiology, this is Pavlov’s theory, This is a theory of conditioned reflexes, and which, in general, are funny, but do not deserve serious conversation.
V. Dymarsky- I will invite Chernigovskaya so that she can answer you.
A. Nevzorov: There is a type of show business called the Russian Orthodox Church, they play their role-playing games
A. Nevzorov- Let those who are able to pay for this fun pay for it, or it’s time to stop all this fun.
V. Dymarsky- I think that this can be combined, we can take not the Reichstag, but the mausoleum.
A. Nevzorov- Can.
O. Zhuravleva― I apologize, Alexander Glebovich, this issue has actually been seriously occupying me for a long time, and every time officials begin to say that this issue can be discussed, when it will not be such a hot topic, when Lenin’s body can cause a split. Is it really true that such a huge number of people in the country still revere Vladimir Ilyich? I have a feeling that a huge mass of the population no longer even knows who he is. Where does this idea come from that Lenin’s burial can cause a social explosion, split and other disasters? How do you think?
A. Nevzorov- Don't know.
O. Zhuravleva- Maybe they’re just all old now?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that this is a fantasy. Maybe there will actually be a few pensioners shaking their string bags and beating their earflaps on the paving stones of Red Square, but no events will happen in connection with this. And most importantly, it’s not necessary, really, if there is an opportunity to make money from this story and open JSC “Mausoleum” to someone, then let them open it. And there is no need to interfere with this business, the only question is who will it go to.
V. Dymarsky- But today Sergei Stepashin said that he was a witness, he was then the Minister of Internal Affairs under Yeltsin, that Yeltsin allegedly ordered in 1998, if I’m not mistaken, not only to bury Lenin, but also to demolish the mausoleum. What should we do with the mausoleum? Demolish or leave under joint stock company?
A. Nevzorov- I think it would be possible to organize a cool boutique there.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, by the way, when there was a handbag there, remember the famous handbag on Red Square?
A. Nevzorov- Yes Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- There were such jokes when the mausoleum was painted accordingly in the photographs. It would work quite well.
A. Nevzorov- No, the building is nice, and this mummy can be left there if some worthy commercial use is found for it, because it no longer works as a symbol of anything. And I am absolutely not interested in discussing the merits or demerits of Ilyich, they are all in the distant past, and this has no impact on our lives today. Only, of course, there are gourmets, there are specialists in historical subtleties and details, but there are not so many of them to take into account in the broad sense of the word...
V. Dymarsky- But you never know what happened a long time ago? Long ago Nicholas II...
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, I also thought about Matilda.
V. Dymarsky- But still does not give rest.
A. Nevzorov- Well, now Medvedev stood up for Matilda.
V. Dymarsky- Yes.
A. Nevzorov To my deepest surprise.
V. Dymarsky- What surprised you?
A. Nevzorov“I was surprised that Medvedev, who is usually very obedient to the general Kremlin tendency, was suddenly entrusted with either going against it or voicing it. This is amazing, this is weird.
V. Dymarsky- Do you think that these are all pro-Kremlin affairs? ..
A. Nevzorov“And I don’t think that anyone has the right to make any ad-libs about serious topics from those stands and from those heights.” The fact is that here, it must be said, the intelligentsia itself again let us down, because there was no need to rattle the spine. And you explain to the same Teacher once again that there are no legal regulations that would oblige him to even know that Nicholas II is a saint.
There is a kind of show business called the Russian Orthodox Church, they play their role-playing games with dressing up, where they can call each other whatever they want, that’s how we have mushroom elves in Udelny Park, there are people who play gnomes in all seriousness and call each other by Thorin Oakenshield or “Your dwarfism”, “Your meanness”. In the same way, inside this role-playing game of the Russian Orthodox Church, they can call each other whatever they want, but we are not obliged to know who their saint is, we are not obliged to think about this topic at all, there are no legal grounds to force us to do this or demand it, so that we can be aware of it.
And besides, you had to honestly say: here you have your Nicholas II, you want to worship him and shed tears over him, but we want to laugh, and for us this figure is pathetic and anecdotal. Don’t rattle your spine, don’t tell them that, oh, that’s how to avoid offending them a little. In the end, they can isolate themselves in their own little world, and no one has the right to get into this little world, and no one imposes this on them, because the Teacher does not have divisions of machine gunners who will drive poor Orthodox Christians into the cinema - whether to go or not, this their choice.
O. Zhuravleva- But in any case, Medvedev expressed common sense - it's wonderful.
A. Nevzorov- Sound words and, perhaps, it really makes sense to move on to practice, when films, books, articles, and radio broadcasts will be marked with a certain sign such as that, well, they are not recommended for so-called believers.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, yes, “16+”, and “cross minus”.
V. Dymarsky- And to the deputies.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, “cross minus”, absolutely right. And then let the filmmakers and radio program hosts bear losses, maybe they will have a smaller audience, but...
V. Dymarsky- There is a danger there, because when they put the numbers 16+, the plus looks like a cross.
O. Zhuravleva- That's it, a disaster.
A. Nevzorov I think we'll come up with...
O. Zhuravleva- And right here.
A. Nevzorov“They are offended by everything again. They are even offended - well, I looked at the mail on Ekho Moskvy, they are even offended that Gundyaev is called Gundyaev. But in this, for mercy’s sake, when I say “Gundyaev”, there’s not even any challenge in this, I’m just once again I make it clear that I am not taking part in this role-playing game with disguises and therefore I call him by the name under which he exists in the state.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, for some reason Poltavchenko can be called Poltavchenko, but Gundyaev cannot be called Gundyaev. Marvelous.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, you can talk about one more person, who is also called by his last name, that same Medvedev. Here is a Levada poll, which showed some terrible drops in ratings, incredible. Then there was the reaction of press secretary Timakova, who said that this was understandable, from Levada - this was a political order. Can you imagine who could order Levada to order Medvedev in this way? What kind of forces are so terrible in the country?
V. Dymarsky- Not only, by the way, Levada and Navalny, right?
A. Nevzorov- And in general to everyone else.
O. Zhuravleva- Rich people, we need to meet them. So. And who are these people?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that they will not condescend anyway, but to assume that a figure of such a large caliber in Russian politics can be attacked without Putin’s go-ahead is pointless and extremely naive. Another thing is that this could be a false attack, it could be an attempt to throw him off the scent so that, after dragging the figure of Medvedev a little in his toothless, edentulous slobbering gums, the public would have played enough and forgotten for some time, because the teeth then the public doesn’t have it anyway, and you can let anyone play without fear that “anyone” will be eaten. We know that this still remains, let's say, very, very theoretical.
V. Dymarsky- Alexander Glebovich, by the way, tell me, as a St. Petersburg resident with experience, I would say to us, St. Petersburg residents without experience. Medvedev, he is still younger, he was part of his time, there, in the 90s, in this St. Petersburg circle, which almost entirely moved to Moscow?
A. Nevzorov- Well, very much, I would say, like half a foot, a quarter of a foot, well, maybe one thumb let's even say this.
V. Dymarsky- That is, he was not a full member of the cooperative? ..
A. Nevzorov- No, he didn’t play these games at all then, he was mobilized and called up for civil service much later.
V. Dymarsky- Just because of age?
A. Nevzorov- Because he really has some real advantages - normal kindness, normal tolerance - he has a lot, and at that time he looked like a very reliable person. And now, really, I feel sorry for him, because of all this terrible host of bloodsuckers he is the most harmless, the kindest, the funniest and the most human-like. This is not Mizulina, who once again suddenly, after a long silence, took it and burst out...
O. Zhuravleva― Porn addicted children.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. About the fact that watching pornography leads to infertility. Well, it’s okay if she said it on her own, after all, it’s okay, because it’s hard to think with the help of a clamp, especially when there’s only one clamp. But she refers to some scientific research, it is quite possible that she simply confused the Ig Nobel Prize with the Nobel Prize. And some other explanations, but the truth is, she’s not supposed to know this either, she’s, in general, our girl, narrow-minded, but very fond of forbidding everything and talking about everything.
It’s clear that there are no connections, and maybe you will also be interested, because this is already from the history of pornography. And in the 18th century, this kind of product was in great demand and aroused interest, but then the golden youth of England and France used very poorly printed obstetric reference books, reference books for midwives, where nothing was visible at all.
O. Zhuravleva- Then indecent postcards appeared.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. But wait. Just imagine for a second what these 18th century engravings looked like. And yet, the youth of that time managed to masturbate, looking at this horror, and this horror was quite enough for them to be involved in some kind of first pornographic...
O. Zhuravleva- Well, by the way, they didn’t die out, which means it didn’t cause infertility.
A. Nevzorov- If you look at the first images, the first sculptures of humanity, they are absolutely pornographic, these are the so-called Neolithic Venuses.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes Yes.
A. Nevzorov- There are no faces there, it is not significant.
O. Zhuravleva- But there is a figure.
A. Nevzorov- There are gigantic breasts, a very deep vaginal (indistinct) outline, that is, two basic principles are outlined by which a woman differs from a man. But then, don’t forget, she still needed extraordinary corpulence, a woman was seen only as a reproductive machine, and, for the worst rainy day, food.
V. Dymarsky- This will now be called the initial accumulation of pornographic capital.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, that’s absolutely right. And yet, despite the fact that this pornography has been present since the very first days of human history, no one, as Olya rightly noted, really died. But everything here is inadequate. Just now they killed a Russian soldier in Armenia, I thought that the State Duma would definitely demand that Armenian radio be banned throughout the territory Russian Federation.
That is, everything is senile, and against this background Medvedev with his slippers and his harmless villas, well, believe me, the least of the evils.
O. Zhuravleva- You just said “villas”, I imagined Medvedev with a pitchfork and in slippers...
V. Dymarsky- We remembered the magazine “Crocodile”.
A. Nevzorov- Two “l”s sounded clearly there.
O. Zhuravleva- Good, yes.
A. Nevzorov: Against this background, Medvedev with his slippers and harmless villas is the least of evils
V. Dymarsky- Remember, Krokodil magazine? The crocodile stood with a pitchfork.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. With us, everything is, to one degree or another, extremely hypocritical, just like the hypocritical, ridiculous storming of the Reichstag. Also there, for example, poor Maksakova was left without a fee, although very...
V. Dymarsky- She was left without a husband.
A. Nevzorov“She was left without a fee because she fainted very convincingly, sobbed, feigned grief, but this billion-dollar inheritance somehow flew past her.
V. Dymarsky- Yes you!
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
V. Dymarsky- How did this pass me by?
A. Nevzorov- Although it was probably her best acting work.
O. Zhuravleva- Stop it! A great human feeling... You somehow deny natural manifestations to a person. Why is that? You even, I suppose, deny Macron that he married his teacher for love.
A. Nevzorov- No, I hope that he was guided by higher and brighter motives, that is, normal self-interest or the expectation of a quick inheritance. Then all this can be understood, forgiven and explained; it becomes, mind you, so immediately beautiful...
V. Dymarsky-Who are you rooting for? For Macron or for Marine Le Pen? Or don't you care?
A. Nevzorov- I don’t root for anyone at all. I am well. I don't care which one. Although, of course, LePensha made such picturesque and crazy mistakes that only a French woman could make, who poorly evaluates, let's say, herself and her appearance. This is her pilgrimage to Moscow, falling at the feet of Putin - it’s all very beautiful. But I am afraid that civilized Europe will not appreciate this demarche, and if it does, it will only be strictly negative.
V. Dymarsky- But the Americans appreciated Trump?
A. Nevzorov- Therefore, I think that this election is most likely - I explain, I’m not sick, I don’t care - this Macron will most likely win.
O. Zhuravleva- Here we take a break for news. These are “Nevzorov Wednesdays”. Alexander Nevzorov, Vitaly Dymarsky and Olga Zhuravleva will come to you after the news.
O. Zhuravleva― 21:35 in Moscow, this is Nevzor Wednesday. From Moscow is Olga Zhuravleva, and from St. Petersburg, as expected, are Alexander Nevzorov and Vitaly Dymarsky. Gentlemen, are you with us?
A. Nevzorov- Certainly.
V. Dymarsky- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- It's good that you answer in chorus, well done. By the way, following up on what Alexander Glebovich said about Marine Le Pen, the European Parliament has begun the procedure for depriving Mrs. Le Pen of parliamentary immunity. She is suspected of organizing a scheme to pay salaries to her employees at the expense of European Union funds. Listen, it’s amazing, no matter who they are, no matter how humanoid they are or, on the contrary, ugly, in reality the majority turn out to be petty thieves. And these people, by the way, solve the issues of war and peace in different countries...
V. Dymarsky“And these people forbid us to pick our noses…”
O. Zhuravleva- ... they forbid us to pick our noses, watch Matilda or anything else. Terrible politicians.
A. Nevzorov- Look, we have the North Koreans again, this time they threatened Australia, right?
O. Zhuravleva- God! I missed everything.
A. Nevzorov-...they will bomb it...
V. Dymarsky- But New Zealand they will regret it.
A. Nevzorov- Because the Australians brilliantly explained to the North Koreans that the North Koreans, as they say, have a short life...
O. Zhuravleva- And the Earth is round.
A. Nevzorov- But what an excellent diplomatic form they found in order to formalize and package this statement into text. But I think that sooner or later North Korea will unite with the DPR, and Zakharchenko and plump Kim, they will threaten the world together, they love to do this. Zakharchenko will threaten on Tuesdays, Kim Jong-un will threaten on Thursdays, and on Monday they will do it as a duet, because they both do it the same way...
V. Dymarsky- Thursday is fish day.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, our General Staff, Alexander Glebovich, reports that the US missile defense creates the opportunity for a covert nuclear strike on Russia. For a sudden nuclear strike or covert. The wording here differs, but I like it.
A. Nevzorov- Winter suddenly comes to us, stadiums suddenly collapse and subways explode, everything happens suddenly.
V. Dymarsky- Winter is suddenly ending here.
A. Nevzorov- It ended, but then, as you know, it started again.
V. Dymarsky- Yes, and it continues.
A. Nevzorov- The main thing for us is not to forget about behavior, because today, today directly and specifically, is Artemon’s day.
O. Zhuravleva- Which dog is this?
A. Nevzorov- No, Saint Artemon - his only merit and famous deed was that he sneaked into the temple of Artemis and there committed an act of primitive gross vandalism, for which even in the Russian Federation he would still get at least a five, if not 10 years of strict regime .
A. Nevzorov: I think that sooner or later North Korea will unite with the DPR, and Zakharchenko and Kim will together threaten the world
V. Dymarsky- No right of correspondence.
A. Nevzorov- He smashed all the ancient statues that came to his hand, and then set it all on fire. Moreover, we must understand that where we find evidence from some Gibbon that the early Christians destroyed almost all ancient art, there is no stretch in this. And even if we, so to speak, leave the story of Artemon on the conscience of the authors of the lives - perhaps everything was not so, it’s all always fantasy - then we must understand that ancient art was really exterminated with extraordinary passion.
And today’s stupid passion of priests for desecrating exhibitions, for banning operas, for encroaching on films - it all comes from there, because there are examples of behavior for them. And this Artemon, who became famous for his vicious vandalism against monuments of ancient art, is a saint, that is, this is a creature who is a model of behavior...
V. Dymarsky- Who declared him a saint?
A. Nevzorov- He is canonized by the Christian Church.
V. Dymarsky- The Vatican?
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- Or Orthodox?
A. Nevzorov- This is a common saint, this is also...
O. Zhuravleva- Is this before 1054?
A. Nevzorov- This is actually the 4th century.
O. Zhuravleva- It's clear.
A. Nevzorov- But where even these saints are not common, they are still Christian saints, and where we again pay attention to what style of behavior is proposed as normative, let’s remember Saint Margaret, who became famous for the fact that she played out the game and brought herself to such a state that there were worms in her clothes.
O. Zhuravleva- It seems to me that you have already talked about some similar heroine.
A. Nevzorov- No, it was another saint, I was talking then about Simeon the Stylite, who bred worms in the ulcers of his body.
O. Zhuravleva- It seems to me that you talk about worms every program.
A. Nevzorov- Wait, you and I talk about Christian saints all the time. Worms and Christian saints, they all crawl somewhere next to each other. And just understand that this Margarita I’m talking about was not some street homeless woman, she was the daughter of King Bela IV, she was a so-called princess. But no one wants to pay attention to the patterns of behavior that Margarita offers. They want to perfume, perfume themselves, today’s believers, and I think that if Christian saints gathered and sniffed, for example, the Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church, they would simply anathematize it at that very second only on one principle, on the principle of smells, yes ?
But there is a lot of cheerful hypocrisy, because, let’s remember, there was also such a Saint Macrina, she, too, in my opinion, was somewhere these days. Saint Macrina had a boil on her chest, but she said that she would rather die from blood poisoning and gangrene than show her chest to the doctor.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, it’s still very popular now.
V. Dymarsky- There is also a logic.
A. Nevzorov- I don’t remember any young girls now...
V. Dymarsky- But what chastity.
A. Nevzorov- Well, chastity is very relative...
O. Zhuravleva- And you just don’t look at all believers. In Islamic traditions, for example, someone called for the extermination of all male gynecologists, I don’t remember in which country. Well, not in the sense of exterminating, but in the sense of banning men from working as gynecologists. All for the same reason, because of chastity.
A. Nevzorov- This was accepted in Europe too, and even those masters of obstetrics who were recognized specialists, such as Ruysch, for example, before he began making a collection of his monstrous babies, now exhibited in the Kunstkamera, he was a famous gynecologist and an obstetrician, but he always carried out examinations in pitch darkness.
O. Zhuravleva- Oh my God!
V. Dymarsky- No matter what.
A. Nevzorov- So as not to see.
O. Zhuravleva- And you say, pornography.
V. Dymarsky- And so that she doesn’t see him.
A. Nevzorov- No, well, she’s fine, but one way or another, the doctor was not allowed to look, he could very approximately...
V. Dymarsky- Feel everything.
A. Nevzorov- By touch, and as I understand it, there were a couple more standing nearby midwives, midwives and Mizulins of that time, who beat him on the hands so that he would not touch anything wrong. That is, it was also very difficult for European doctors...
O. Zhuravleva- But the years passed.
A. Nevzorov- As the years passed, ideas about decency changed. By the way, I’ll bring it to you sooner or later, you love all this historical crap, there’s such a wonderful book by Caspar d’Horneau. You don’t know, no?
O. Zhuravleva- No.
A. Nevzorov: Worms and Christian saints, they all crawl somewhere next to each other
A. Nevzorov― This Caspar d'Horneau, who translated Nicolas Hurteau, a treatise, a book called “The Art of Emitting Gases.” And there, in all seriousness...
O. Zhuravleva- Alexander Glebovich, some of us write that they are having dinner.
A. Nevzorov- Okay, let them put on gas masks.
V. Dymarsky- And this is Alexander Glebovich who wants to donate this to Gazprom.
A. Nevzorov- Absolutely right.
A. Nevzorov- And there 7 types are described, as different classes were allowed to do this. How the girls were supposed to do it, how the masons could do it, and how the archbishop, for example, could do it. That is, everything then was very graduated and very fun. Ideas about decency in general were completely different.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, a question for this case, this, in general, is also included in behavior. Glazyev told us that the recipe for saving the economy is to live according to the commandments of Christ: to love each other and so on. Could you list the commandments that are necessary to save the economy?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that maybe the Russian Federation should better think about changing God, because Jesus Iosifovich does not ensure the precision of bombing, nor the success of import substitution, something incomprehensible is happening with the national currency, and now there are a lot deities who hang around without work with excellent recommendations.
For example, there is the ancient Egyptian goddess Mut. A wonderful creature, she should be very popular with voters and should make a wonderful impression on the Russian population - she gives birth to living soldiers.
O. Zhuravleva- Wow! Comfortable.
A. Nevzorov- She fiercely hates tourism, cosmetics and travel. But the best thing is that the cult actions associated with the goddess Mut are much simpler than in Christianity; kilometers of brocade are not required. In order to make a sacrifice and serve the goddess Mut, the country's leadership and the high priesthood must come to the bank of a deep river and perform the act of releasing semen into this river, and this should incredibly increase milk yield, productivity...
V. Dymarsky- GDP...
A. Nevzorov― ... national currency exchange rate, GDP. At least in Ancient Egypt all this has been tested.
O. Zhuravleva- And it all worked.
V. Dymarsky- And such a simple recipe: “don’t steal,” - that’s what they offer us.
A. Nevzorov- No, what are you talking about!
V. Dymarsky- At the same time, “thou shalt not kill,” by the way.
A. Nevzorov- No, no, let’s avoid extremism. Don't forget, the article applies, be careful.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, about extremism. Jehovah's Witnesses were recognized as extremists. Is this fair, don't you think? You don’t like all believers.
A. Nevzorov- No, that’s not necessary, Olya, well, my friend, at least don’t repeat this stupidity! I treat all believers with great sympathy and great attention. I say that I am an entomologist, I study, I study them, and an entomologist cannot help but love beetles, he treats all beetles with equal affection.
As for Jehovah's Witnesses*, in relation to them this is excessive cruelty, this is a competitive struggle. This is good only in the sense that the document that was prepared by the court in relation to Jehovah's Witnesses is absolutely applicable, for example, in relation to the Russian Orthodox Church, on all counts, as in relation to any other religious organization. And when the question arises about the extremism of the Russian Orthodox Church or about the ban of this organization on the territory of the Russian Federation, which will happen sooner or later, they have simply made such a mess and, in general, have already acquired such a bad reputation that, most likely, they will not be able to do without it . And for this case a regulatory document has already been prepared, judgment, because everything that is said about Jehovah’s Witnesses can be said about any other sect - large or small, the Russian Orthodox Church or the Old Believers, about mushroom elves and Buddhists. This no longer plays any role. This is where this push has been made - a push in the good sense of the word, not what you thought, Dymarsky. And already, I think that, as they say, things will move forward. But in general they are all worth each other.
O. Zhuravleva― Alexander Glebovich, can I read a little about our listeners, what they write? Firstly, they offer Demeter, which helps agriculture.
A. Nevzorov- Great.
O. Zhuravleva- Secondly, they report that GAZ vehicles are produced at the Gorky Automobile Plant - listen, but this is bravo! This is amazing. And “do not make yourself an idol” is beneficial for the economy.
V. Dymarsky- Olya, I’m sorry, I also read the text messages, there’s just a question for Alexander Glebovich that I can’t help but ask.
A. Nevzorov- Yes please.
V. Dymarsky- Here you, as a representative of the scientific community, are asked: “Don’t you understand that the speed of light cannot be measured?”
A. Nevzorov- Well, let them dig up Einstein and tell this to his remains. Let them go to the Nobel Committee and in this Nobel Committee they will prove their views. This is not for me. I am a user of science, I do not create science myself. I can generally afford to confuse Boltzmann and Balmann, right? Despite the fact that both have a constant - there is a Boltzmann constant, and Balmann also has a constant, this is the line above the knee of the jeans, which passes from one collection to another. I'm a publicist. This is a little different, and I don’t answer, I just perceive these scientific discoveries and use them for my work.
V. Dymarsky- Thank you.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, this is a little bit about our development, because we somehow outlined the entire economy like this, but forgot that we also make rockets. This week we learned about the departure of four cosmonauts from the Russian cosmonaut corps, including well-known ones, they say that they have nothing to do, they are tired of idleness. In general, it’s somehow very tragic about our space prospects, which we are so proud of, in general.
V. Dymarsky- It feels like there is some kind of conflict inside.
O. Zhuravleva- So what, we won’t fly to Mars anymore, and everything is gone?
A. Nevzorov- And I suggest that you don’t poke around in all these cosmonauts’ infighting, but pay attention to the fact that a wonderful article by Charles Limoli has been published, although it’s not very recent, but now it has been translated into Russian, and it has finally been accepted by the scientific community of the West. Limoli is the University of California, and it confirms everything that I have been saying for a long time on Echo of Moscow, that most likely space and the conquest of space is a myth, that it does not shine for us, and that earthlings will most likely be doomed to watch at each other's disgusting faces, bye, sorry...
O. Zhuravleva- Until Kim Jong-un can be launched.
A. Nevzorov- ... until the gamma quanta separate them. Here is a very detailed, beautiful, juicy study of the impact of high-energy ions, protons, high-energy iron ions on the human body, he describes in detail what will happen to a person in space.
O. Zhuravleva- If it's a very long flight.
A. Nevzorov- No, this is if the flight exceeds at least two or three weeks, because there are even more severe factors. And besides, let’s say, there are also studies that were done at NASA’s cosmic radiation laboratory, and there, in general, it is clear that in order to protect this person in space, well, it would probably be necessary to weigh these rockets by almost forty times, because the protection that can be, it will create such a weight of this rocket, and this, naturally, no lifting is possible.
Most likely, even if some astronauts are launched, according not to me, but according to these studies by Limoli, then in 2-3 weeks instead of these astronauts in open deep space, where electromagnetic fields are not protected by any major planet- which have these fields, not all planets have - then instead of a team of astronauts we will have a crowd of senseless, blind people who have forgotten their names, who have lost coordination of their movements, who...
O. Zhuravleva- Which will be very brave, as I understand. They will lose their sense of fear.
V. Dymarsky- Wait, Alexander Glebovich, maybe someone will fly to us?
A. Nevzorov- Don't know. These forecasts are definitely not for me, but I think that as long as Rogozin is in charge of our space, I am afraid that we will not be of any interest to any civilization, galactic or intergalactic.
O. Zhuravleva- Wait, but they won’t fly to us, but to Earth as a whole; Rogozin is not the only one involved in space. Maybe they will fly to Kim Jong-un?
A. Nevzorov“They understand that Rogozin will be there to greet you, and this one circumstance deprives the slightest sense of coming to Earth for any life forms, even silicon ones.”
V. Dymarsky- What if it comes with bread and salt?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that bread and salt will also fall.
O. Zhuravleva- And Glazyev will stand next to you and say: love each other!
V. Dymarsky- Don't steal.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, and don’t steal it.
A. Nevzorov- As always, we are having a lot of fun.
O. Zhuravleva- Okay, then tell me something really funny. Have you mentioned the Ig Nobel Prize? Did anything new come to light?
A. Nevzorov- No, but the Ig Nobel Prize, it is always charming, it is always a subtle banter over the darkest features of assistant professorship and science. But this year there were no such brilliant, sparkling awards. There was some kind of presentation to a scientist who lived with goats for 3 days and found that during these 3 days, in principle, the goat smell is absorbed into the sweater so thoroughly that the sweater cannot be cleaned. This is why he received the Ig Nobel Prize.
O. Zhuravleva- And he could have been recognized as a saint, by the way, judging by your stories.
V. Dymarsky- Yes Easy.
A. Nevzorov- And he definitely would have been, but he would have had to be born several centuries earlier. But I suspect that judging by the notes of Talleman de Reo, this is such a wonderful French book, “Funny Stories” by Talleman de Reo, everything stank so strongly that it is unlikely that a three-day stay among goats could make a person stand out much, because the same Tallemana de Reo about one of the French kings, his mistress says that if he were not a king, then I would not be able to fuck with him, because he smells like a dead man.
V. Dymarsky- By the way, do you know what the Ig Nobel Prize is called in France? The French are presenting the prize there.
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- Lysenko Prize.
A. Nevzorov- Lysenko Prize. Well, you see, and you say that somewhere they don’t honor Russian science.
V. Dymarsky- This is an analogue of Shnobelevskaya.
A. Nevzorov- Besides Lysenko, we also had the beautiful Lepeshinskaya...
V. Dymarsky- Ballerina?
A. Nevzorov: People living on earthen floors covered in lice and dirt
A. Nevzorov- No, I’m talking about the greatest biochemist, the author of a completely crazy, at the same time very funny theory, nevertheless, she received the Nobel Prize, and for a long time in biochemistry she was almost the same as Trofim Lysenko was in genetics. That is, she just managed to spread rot on everything reasonable and bright, and the rest of the academicians, although brilliant scientists, were cowards, such as Alexander Ivanovich Oparin, who was the first to talk about coacervate drops, the first to discover the principle of abiogenesis. Just in case, he agreed and did not object.
V. Dymarsky- Wait, what award did she receive?
A. Nevzorov- Stalin's.
V. Dymarsky- Ah, Stalin's! And you said Nobel.
A. Nevzorov- Not only did she receive the Stalin Prize...
V. Dymarsky- Stalin's is almost Shnobelevskaya.
A. Nevzorov- I don’t know, Olya, I’ll have time to tell you about Sergeev’s wonderful book, which I would recommend to everyone. Sergei Sergeev. Very impartial...
O. Zhuravleva- Just a minute. Let's.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, there it calls into question the existence of the Russian people, and it is called “The Russian Nation, or the Story of the History of Its Absence.” A very interesting, very unbiased, very non-Russophobic work, which presents monstrous facts. For example, you knew that at the entrance to the Tauride Garden in the 19th century there was a notice: entry is prohibited to persons in Russian dress.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, it’s clear who these people in Russian dress are.
A. Nevzorov- Yes Yes. And at every step here are examples that are just as picturesque, just as offensive, offensive, and at the same time destroying various myths. Because it is very difficult to talk about some kind of unity of a nation when part of the nation trades with another part of the nation as property, where periodically foreign language becomes dominant, where the entertainment of a very small part of the population has to be paid for by people living on earthen floors covered in lice and dirt.
V. Dymarsky- This is in connection with the preparation of the Law on the Russian Nation.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, probably.
O. Zhuravleva- And in connection with the renovation at the same time. Unfortunately, we didn’t talk about it in detail, but there will be another occasion.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, sure.
O. Zhuravleva- This is Nevzorov Wednesdays, thank you very much, gentlemen. Vitaly Dymarsky, Alexander Nevzorov, my name is Olga Zhuravleva.
V. Dymarsky- Thank you.
O. Zhuravleva- Best wishes!
*-the organization’s activities are prohibited on the territory of the Russian Federation
