Like a shy guy? How to seduce him without frightening and not seeming annoying? What actions can be taken and what should be avoided? We will try to answer these questions in more detail.
We must not forget: shyness is the same natural character trait as friendliness, sociability or openness. Not every person (especially at the first meeting) is ready to make close contact with others: sometimes it takes time to feel comfortable, to open up.
Reasons for modesty
Let's figure out what the reasons for isolation, modesty can be:
- Character feature. In this case, a person can be closed both exclusively in front of unfamiliar people, and in front of friends. The fact is that introverted people feel more comfortable alone with themselves or in a narrow circle of friends, relatives, rather than in a large company. You should not be surprised that such a guy will be closed until you enter that very “circle”.
- Unwillingness to show sympathy. Guys often become more withdrawn at the sight of a girl they like. You can observe from the side how he behaves during your absence, or ask friends about his usual behavior (it is desirable that he does not find out about this).
- The last reason is the opposite of the previous one: the young man does not want to reveal himself to you, because he feels antipathy. If you are sure that you cannot evoke negative emotions and feelings, you can skip this point.
Signs of sympathy from a guy
If you yourself cannot determine the reason for his modesty, try to make sure of sympathy for you, the following signs will help:
How to overcome modesty in communication?
To move to a new level of relationship, you need to overcome difficulties in communicating with a modest guy. Try one of the tips:
- Start by communicating on social networks, it is this that helps to avoid awkward pauses and other situations that a guy may be worried about.
- If you decide to talk live, think over a list of topics that you can talk about in advance (consider his interests, occupation), a modest man will not fill a long pause on his own.
- The first meeting does not have to be in private with each other. The presence of other people will dilute the situation, will not allow the young man to close. The ideal option would be a meeting in a cafe or a walk in the park.
- During communication, try to ask leading questions, allowing your beloved to speak out, express his point of view, this will help to become closer.
- Choose a balanced manner of communication: a lower timbre, a calm tone. If the guy is truly an introvert, he will be more comfortable around you.
- No need to ask sharp and provocative questions, it is better to limit yourself to a standard set of topics at the first meeting (hobbies, mutual acquaintances, occupation, life stories, etc.).
- Don't ask the question, "Are you always so humble?" There will be a long pause, awkwardness, and the guy will want to end your conversation as soon as possible.
What next steps can be taken?
If your communication continues safely, further steps can be taken:
- Ask the young man for help in the area in which he understands. Whether it is a consultation on bank investments or a tire change on a car. When the task is completed, be sure to praise him and thank him. This will help the man to feel more confident, win over you.
- Try to find common ground in common hobbies. Find out more about his favorite activities and hobbies. Firstly, expand the list of topics for conversation, secondly, you will become closer to your beloved, and thirdly, you will be able to continue development in this area together.
- Try to fit into his social circle. He is not too big, but each of the friends is a special person for the guy. Show yourself in a favorable light, demonstrate that you are the best contender for the heart of a modest one. For such people, the opinion of close friends is incredibly important.
One step away from a serious relationship: what not to do?
For a modest guy, any relationship is a natural process, do not expect loud confessions and proposals. If you realize that you are gradually approaching the status of his girlfriend, remember what steps you do not need to take:
- Immediately hint at intimacy. Even a timid guy will be able to let you know he's ready for a new level of intimacy. Your unconscious impulse will only frighten him away, give it time.
- Start serious conversations on the topic “Who are we to each other?”. Do not worry, the man will still declare his feelings. He has other ways of showing them.
- Try to be there all the time. Don't forget: isolation and modesty are clear signs of an introvert. Such people need to take a break from society (not only masses of unfamiliar friends, but also acquaintances, relatives). Give the guy freedom and personal time.
- Trying to provoke violent emotions or feelings (for example, jealousy) to push for action. Firstly, such a step will be useless, as it will only cause a negative reaction from the young man (introverts try to avoid useless noise, scandals, quarrels). Secondly, your personal opinion about you may also change in a negative direction.
Remember: relationships should make a person happy. Surround him with understanding and tenderness, then be sure to get them in return.
A shy guy is an ordinary person who has a tendency to communicate in a narrow circle, preferring to keep a certain distance with strangers. Respect the features of his character if you want to become a worthy lady of the heart. Your patience and understanding will help build a serious, strong relationship, with such men they are really possible.
Modern culture - I hope you don't accuse us of old grumbling - is doomed to cheap theatrical gestures. Just look at all these short-term vlogs that make it to the top with their undeniably primal, somewhat wild humor. Social media has changed the man, changed the man. For the better? Hell, we don't think it's good. We see how people make faces, flaunt their "successes", their fortunes, and even, in a sense, their intellect.
Everyone digs in his swamp and tries to become a unique and original personality there. But this is not due to achievements, not due to hard work, but thanks to a gesture: you go out with a bare ass to the city square, smear yourself with feces and shout: “Yes, I am like that, and if you don’t like it, then fuck you!” Of course, many will begin to applaud, whistle, they can make an idol out of you, or they can throw you off the stage. However, after all this action, you realize how empty your life was, and how much your expectations do not correspond to reality. And it doesn't matter where this scene is located: in the professional field, on the Internet or among a group of friends. The outcome is always the same.
Modern society considers modesty to be some kind of rudiment that defines losers, or something that colors a lady, but not a man who has to tear, and throw, and speak loudly about himself. However, when you face the grin of a hard life, extreme sports, you understand that this is exactly the quality of a person that separates you from your own bestial side. And what's wrong with the beast inside you, I hope you don't need to explain.
Primal Virtue
Let's go back to basics. Why has modesty been considered a positive quality at all times and in all cultures? You can, of course, cite some religious arguments as an example, but the truth lies on the surface. In its mass, the people live worse than average. There is always a class of rich people and a bunch of poor people. And, of course, the main part of the population has a certain line that the rich should not cross, otherwise they will face a very sad time, which is called a revolution.
When we see how serious the difference is between the incomes of the majority of the population and the elite, then the thought immediately arises in our heads: “Have I chosen the right job for myself?” How are these corners smoothed out? If we talk about the natural decision that was in use among the same Russian aristocrats, then this is banal modesty. If merchants and merchants allowed themselves to show their wealth to the right and left, then the nobles, as a rule, did not like to expand on this matter. At the end of the 19th century, in addition, the tradition was known when the main representative of a noble family washed the feet of his servants, peasants, workers. Now, for sure, it would look wild if our officials washed the feet of workers in a metallurgical plant.
The same can be said about such a formation as "gentlemen", who lead their tradition straight from the chivalry of the Renaissance. However, the very institution of "gentlemanship" has long decayed in the Western world, and we, in fact, never had it. But we do believe that there will be much less irritation in society if every wealthy person stops presenting his wealth or position as something that elevates him above the rest. These are simple rules of decency that are increasingly forgotten.
Complete control over mind and body
If you are modest in drinking, food, clothing, then you are not a monk from some outback, not a martyr and not a hermit. If you limit yourself in material goods or use only what you need, then you are the same person who completely controls your spirit and body. You can't climb Everest if you're tied to parmesan and a warm bed, you can't cross the Atlantic in a longship if you can't live a day without a piece of good meat. Could Roman soldiers have traveled such a victorious path through the world if their life had been idle, stupid and full of excesses?
Many will say: “Why limit yourself if I have both money and opportunities?” Well, here, our friend, it's about the strength of your personality. If you can't control your property, it controls you. Just like he said.
Nobody likes shy guys, but...
But modest ones evoke sympathy among girls. And here's the thing: if you have any achievements, and you report them to your girlfriend on every corner, then the result will be the suppression of her personality. She either feels insignificant (if she believes you) or feels frustrated (if you are arrogant).
Yes, one must clearly understand that shyness and modesty are not synonymous at all. If you are, then you, as a rule, will not have any achievements. You simply cannot get out of your notorious comfort zone. But humble guys are another matter. They do not have to assert themselves at the expense of the failures and mistakes of other people. They are well aware that people have different abilities and it is better to help with advice than to tell “their success story” when this “success story”, among other things, is very doubtful.
Talk less and do more, then you will be popular among the fair sex.
Humility is a sign of taste
There is also such an important part of modern life as. And they do not expect from a man what they expect from a peacock or an Arab sheikh. If you see an unhealthy skew, then you immediately understand that something is wrong with the guy. In the traditions of some peoples, it is customary to flaunt their material virtues: a flashy sports car, expensive watches, jewelry, a bunch of useless, but insanely expensive accessories. But in a civilized society, this is called "gypsy", which clearly speaks of what intellectual level the person is in front of you and whether it is worth dealing with him.
There are some standards that should be adhered to just for the sake of appearances, and everything else looks cheap and vulgar, even if you have millions in your pockets.
He humble guy, or he just doesn't like me? Is it worth worrying about this?
What is better: to force a man to run after you without complexes, or to please a modest guy?
Recently, while buying cherries at the market, I met one such modest fellow from my past. While this modest fellow helped me carry my bags, he entertained me by describing in detail how long and hopelessly he had been in love with me. I didn't believe my ears. Then he refreshed in my memory the plot of his drama.
I am 16, he is 20. He accidentally saw me on the stage, reading poetry, and immediately drew me a luminous halo over my head: “You seemed to me so sublime, so inaccessible that I began to painfully think about how to approach you so that don't look funny."
“Through one of your relatives I found out the phone number, even tried to call, but you had such a cold tone that I thought: a couple more words and you will end the conversation, so I decided to end it first! Then, again through your relative, I got the opportunity to get into that summer cafe where the unsuspecting you danced on the podium. I waited for you at the table, and you ... looking haughtily, ignored my offer to give you a lift home.
I began to remember. I was dancing, my brother came up and said: "It's late, go home." Then he brought this modest guy to me and said: "He will take you home." Handsome, athletic-built m.ch. looked past me indifferently. I said hello. He said, "Let's go." I answered: "No." And then, mumbling something under his breath, he turned around and left!
All psychological problems come from childhood. Contrary to popular belief, modesty is a character trait that interferes with living, building normal social and personal relationships. Today it is difficult to predict how successfully a modest guy will be able to adapt in society. Sometimes this quality becomes a serious obstacle to success.
The nature of modesty
A person has a high level of emotionality. All our experiences are reflected in everyday life. Each emotion manifests differently for the human body. Feeling fear, a person feels a chill in the stomach, dizziness. Aggression is reflected in muscle contractions. Modesty causes a whole stream of strange sensations. For a shy person, all life is one continuous test. He is in constant nervous tension and feels normal only in the usual, standard environment for his psyche.
Modesty is not defined as a mental disorder, but leads to a number of problems.
Modest guys often remain "on the other side of the barricades." They are underestimated, not heard and not noticed, which, in principle, they achieve. However, over time, a moment comes when you want banal affection and praise, but there is simply no person who understands your feelings, aspirations, experiences.
Loneliness for such a guy becomes the norm. Excessive modesty does not allow a person to advance in life, leaves merits in work unnoticed. Even the presence of a family does not save from shyness. Modest young people get into circulation with a domineering woman who resembles her mother. Two factors influence the manifestation of this character trait.
- Heredity.
- Wrong upbringing.
Overcoming shyness in childhood is much easier. A character trait that has not yet acquired phobias, self-doubt and other complexes is easily modeled into the correct behavioral response.
The main reason for the manifestations of hyper-restraint is the omission of parents. The child does not know how to react to environmental factors and expresses it in his own way.
Usually any irritants cause a storm of emotions, tantrums. Under the influence of a hyper-shy parent or an overbearing parent, an incorrect picture of the perception of the world is formed. The child is afraid of people, someone else's assessment. The main component of modesty is fear. The older a person becomes, the more he realizes his inferiority. He is not able to start a conversation with peers, sits all the time at home when they walk and learn the world through trial and error. The shy guy doesn't have that option.
Psychological portrait of a modest guy
The first characteristic feature of shy men is isolation, which is provoked by fear of society. It manifests itself as a reluctance to start conversations. Discomfort in communication makes a person withdraw into his fictional world. If the interlocutor is active and set to communicate, then he is able to bring the silent person out of his stupor.
The second characteristic feature of a modest guy is awkwardness. She practically does not leave the modest. Being engaged in regular self-digging, a person does not find positive qualities in himself at all. It is embarrassing for a person to be even in the usual circle. Due to the lack of communication experience, the guy is afraid to do or say something superfluous.
Critical introspection is a characteristic feature of the psychological portrait of a modest man. A person constantly analyzes himself and what is happening. He creates his own comfortable world, consisting of a continuous chain of assessments, vague judgments, attitudes.
Modesty is defined as a structural component of the personality, which brings discomfort, reduces the quality of life, hinders the formation of a person in society.
Behavioral features of a modest guy:
- not suitable for the first acquaintance;
- rarely enters into conversation;
- almost does not show emotions;
- rarely walks with peers;
- mostly communicates with girls in social networks or through SMS messages;
- dependent on someone else's opinion;
- always looks good, neatly dressed.
Mistakes when raising shy boys
In childhood, it is important not to miss the moment, otherwise shyness will remain a constant companion of the boy's life. The first signs of modesty are already noted at the age of 2, when, at the sight of strangers, adults, the boy hides behind his mother or does not raise his eyes. Everything alien, unknown to him looks frightening, causes a storm of emotions. In addition to behavioral reactions, the child has increased fatigue.
In such a baby, in the process of development, the thought process prevails over physical activity.
The child is not able to express his emotions either verbally or figuratively, which negatively affects the state of the psyche and general health. A modest boy is touchy, almost all the time in a bad mood. A child can behave uninhibitedly only next to his mother or in the most comfortable situation for him.
In kindergartens and schools, such children rarely open up, practically do not communicate with their peers, silently sit in the corner.
With excessively developed modesty, the child begins to be afraid of society. Going to the store can trigger a panic attack. This is an extreme case. To prevent the development of hyper modesty, consult a neurologist. Communicate more with the child, do not close it from the world. Sign up for an early development group of 3-5 people. This will allow the child to learn how to communicate with peers and attract the attention of the teacher.
In kindergarten, usually modest children fail to prove themselves. Few of the educators call the kids to action a second time, referring to the fact that there are too many children in the group. This is another reason for the development of complexes in children, when more active peers take part in all programs, while the rest act as silent spectators.
The child must be involved in the life processes of society. Try several circles at once. Pick the one he likes the most. It needs to be surrounded by people. It can be dancing, drawing, modeling, gymnastics. Shy people show themselves well in sports and creativity.
The nuances of communicating with a modest man
Due to the lack of information from parents, and sometimes experience and qualified specialists, a wide variety of complexes flourish in our world. It rarely occurs to anyone to “treat shyness” in childhood: a modest baby looks cute. But when he grows up, his problems are not at all “nice”. If a guy is too shy and communicates little with others, this does not mean that he does not experience a standard set of feelings. He, like everyone else, needs the love and affection of a woman.
In a relationship with such a guy, you will have to take on the main role. The first step is to make sure he really likes you. This will be noticeable in behavior. When meeting with you, he lowers his eyes, blushes, and during a conversation he cannot connect two words, but in messages he scribbles entire pages.
Shy guys look well-groomed, they are often cute and pumped up.
For such a person, everything in his appearance is important. Every time he thinks that he is not good enough, so he constantly tries to improve himself. At first glance, a girl does not understand why such a handsome man is kept alone. And in his soul there is a hive of complexes, and he is afraid of the girl he likes, like a natural disaster.
The key to starting a relationship is trusting communication. Eliminate mocking tone and criticism. Try to communicate calmly, adequately perceive his humor (remember that he has little experience in communication). With your help, a young man will be able to discover facets of character in himself that he himself did not suspect. He will feel more confident in public, will be more open.
Shy men make good husbands.
But it is necessary that the first experience of communication with a woman becomes positive, and does not end in a fiasco. Defeat will only reinforce his inferiority complex. It is important to understand that pathological modesty is the result of long work, the complex has been cultivated like a flower and it will be difficult to eradicate it.
A woman should not be too persistent. The first sexual experience for such guys is also a lot of stress, so you should carefully bring a shy boyfriend to this moment. For him, the first kiss on the cheek, a light touch of the hand - a whole stream of emotions, strange and unexpected.
Rules of conduct with a shy boyfriend or husband
Contrary to popular belief, the man is not the head of the family. Without a woman, supporting, inspiring, not a single man could achieve success in life. Behind the backs of many successful businessmen, politicians, historical and cultural figures who built their success bit by bit from scratch, there is a woman. In the case of a modest man, you will have to sweat a little more.
The rules of behavior with a shy man will be useful to every girl.
- Do not put too much pressure on the chosen one, otherwise he will close in on himself even more.
- Be attentive to his problems, but do not dwell on them. Slowly and smoothly lead him to the idea that he is attractive and important to you.
- Point out his positive qualities. Never use ex-boyfriends as an example, otherwise you will completely kill trust and his self-esteem.
- Show him that he is in charge and you will feel protected next to him. Let him feel like a real man, strong, confident, who can possess his woman, seek her attention.
- Refuse to make claims. Each time, clearly and clearly indicate his duties.
- Spend time together, take it with you when you meet friends, to the gym. A person needs to see an example, to understand how to build communication with people.
- Learn to support him and demand the same attitude towards yourself. Show him that in a relationship it is important to focus not only on your problems.
If you dig deeper, then modesty is akin to self-centeredness.
A person is fixated on his fear and tries to do everything to ensure his own comfort. But the self-centered person does not want to be aware of his problem, and the shy person considers it a pathology. The task of a woman is to smoothly lead a man out of the comfort zone where he is used to living. At first it will be a shock, but a woman is needed in order to help him survive.
A humble man is like a blank sheet of paper. You can write anything on it, but you need to drive it out of the shell. Inside him lives a driven, sad boy, full of complexes and fears. In these relationships, you will have to play the role of mother and sexual partner in one person. The point is not to copy the image of his own mother, but to quickly learn the basics of communication, life in general. You need to become a guru for him, help build a new unknown world in which there will be no place for old settings.
In modern society, men with a strong and assertive character are valued. A modest guy sometimes causes pity and ridicule both from representatives of his own sex, who have managed to achieve more in life, and from women. But such a young person often does not need to change dramatically, it is enough to slightly correct his behavior in order to take a worthy place in life.
How a character trait develops and manifests itself
Every phenomenon usually has two sides. The same can be said about a shy guy: in childhood he is a modest and well-mannered boy, over the years turning into an educated and handsome young man.
But the family has a decisive influence, both positive and negative, on the future existence of a guy. His modesty is often caused by:
- features of the family structure;
- poor health;
- the fact that his parents protected him from all problems and forbade many things;
- he was not allowed to show his individuality, to demonstrate his emotions.
Having matured, modest guys often experience discomfort when communicating with people, performing any tasks, they are acutely perceived when they are praised or scolded.
This is reflected in their physical condition - they turn pale, stutter, suddenly become silent, they stop breathing. The behavior of a modest guy speaks for itself:
- he avoids new acquaintances;
- rarely agrees to invitations to visit;
- communicates mainly via the Internet;
- silent during the conversation.
Often the humble has a hard time:
- he is underestimated by others;
- friends laugh at him;
- successes are devalued;
- no career advancement;
- girls don't care.
What good is modesty
All men want to build a happy relationship with the opposite sex. But often nothing works out for a too modest guy - girls simply cannot see their positive qualities:
- loyalty;
- honesty;
- diligence;
- attention to the needs of the girl;
- respect for women;
- politeness and correctness;
- masculinity.
How to know if a shy guy likes you
Many women are attracted to external brilliance - they cannot look inside the soul to recognize a person, but they want to get a reliable life partner. If the guy is modest, then in the presence of a girl who is attractive to him, he:
- changes in the face;
- actively gestures;
- stays silent for a long time;
- avoids looking into her eyes.
How to behave when communicating
To continue acquaintance with such a man, who can turn out to be very good, a girl needs:
- not to consider the young man from head to toe;
- do not joke with him;
- not ask more questions about his life;
- be able to keep a distance;
- be unobtrusive;
- be able to carry on a conversation.
It is easier for a modest guy to prove himself in deeds than in words, so girls can safely turn to him for help. He should:
- learn to control your emotions;
- establish eye contact when communicating;
- be able to build a conversation;
- be natural.
Modesty is not a vice, it can be turned into a virtue. And two people with similar characteristics can find each other in this world and live happily for many years.
