Everyone knows that it is better not to mix friendship and business. But what to do if a relative or friend asks to lend money? Financial consultant Alexey Gerasimov talks about 8 rules of conduct in such a situation.
1. Learn to say “NO!”
It can be very scary to simply say “NO!” without explaining the reasons, especially if this is a significant person for you. As a rule, we begin to look for reasons and explanations why we cannot respond to a request. We are afraid that our refusal may affect our relationship with this person. If you don't give him money, nothing bad will happen. Your relationship will remain the same. Moreover, there is a high probability that if you borrow a large amount, your relationship will deteriorate. As a rule, debts are not repaid on time and you will have to constantly remind and worry about your money.
2. Give only to those you know
3. Listen to yourself
Ask yourself a question before giving money: “Will Vasya Pupkin give me the money on time?” Act on this answer. Deep down, you know exactly the right answer, but maybe you want to appear a little better and you're afraid to say NO.
4. Check details
Before giving money, check the state of the potential debtor's financial affairs. You can ask for a certificate of income from your place of work confirming your financial solvency.
Ask a few questions:
- Why is the money taken?
- why exactly this amount?
- why now?
- Why is money borrowed from you?
- How does the debtor plan to repay them?
These questions are very important. If your friend cannot answer them clearly and confidently, then you will have good reason to refuse and send him elsewhere.
5. Give as much as you don’t mind losing
Even if you have received adequate answers to your questions, there is no need to rush to give the full amount. Give an amount that you are not afraid of losing, and the loss of which will not affect your personal goals.
6. Take a receipt
While I was writing this article, I got into a conversation with a friend. It turned out that about 30 (!) people owed him money in the amount of over 1.5 million rubles. At the same time, he himself owes about the same amount of money, but only to other people. Since in most cases the receipts were not executed, they feed each other with promises that “as soon as they receive money for a big project, they will pay everything right away.” I am sure that if you yourself have already lent money, then this development of events is very familiar to you.
Most people are embarrassed to ask for a receipt for receiving money from close friends and relatives. For some reason this is considered indecent. At the same time, we all understand that life is changeable and it is simply impossible to foresee all the nuances. It may happen that a friend or relative subsequently refuses to repay the debt, and you will have nothing to prove the validity of your claims in court.
7. Record as many details as possible on the receipt.
Make sure that the receipt contains all the main conditions: the loan amount in numbers and words, the date of transfer of money, the repayment period, interest, surnames, first names, patronymics of the borrower and creditor, their passport details, registration addresses, signature of the debtor in receiving the money in full decryption. The signature on the receipt must match the signature on the passport. Be sure to check that your passport data matches the original document. Also indicate why the money was issued as proof. For example, write that the money was lent to buy a car or apartment. The text of the receipt should be written only by hand, since it will later be more difficult for the debtor to renounce authorship. If the receipt is printed on a computer, it will be much more difficult to prove authorship.
Most The best way debt registration - completing a transaction in the presence of a notary. His signature guarantees the authenticity of the debt document. In case of legal proceedings, a notarized receipt does not require examination of the authenticity of signatures and other checks.
Ecology of life: To borrow money when you need it and give when asked, learn to love and accept yourself and your opinion about debts...
The most inconvenient situation with relatives, friends, acquaintances occurs when you need to borrow or are asked to borrow money.
First, let's look at why you avoid lending money.
- Most likely, you think that you need to solve your financial problems yourself, that borrowing money is not worth it. Therefore, you don’t understand how another person can do what you don’t allow yourself.
- Another reason is concern that the debt will not be repaid to you. Perhaps, somewhere deep down in your soul, you yourself would like not to repay your debts (most likely, you don’t even realize it) and you unwittingly expect the same behavior from your debtor.
Answer these questions honestly and accept any answers.
Few people know that You can only lend an amount that you agree to part with forever. Even if a person asks for money in whom you are 100% confident. When lending, always keep in mind that your money may not be returned to you. Based on this, determine the amount of money you can lend.
When lending, do it easily, think that your money will benefit the person, transfer positive energy with it.
By doing this, you will not experience negative emotions, even if the person for some reason does not return the debt to you. In this case, think about why this happened. What could cause such behavior in you, what needs to be changed in yourself. Perhaps too much dependence on money, distrust of people, condemnation of those who borrow money or do not repay debts.
If you feel like you don't want to lend, don't do it. Such money will not bring benefit or satisfaction to either you or your debtor.
Now a few words about how to borrow correctly.
Debt is one way to block the flow of money into your life. Unless, of course, you do it wrong.
There are two approaches to debt:
- first- this is an opportunity to develop your business, profession, training, moving forward,
- second- take money for something that you have not yet earned, have not “grown up” in your development system, but really want to HAVE.
In the first case, you use money for development - with the goal of bringing usefulness to people, the world, and yourself.
In the second case, you are blocking money energy, because... you violate one of the laws - “we are given according to our needs.” If you are not yet receiving amounts of this level, then there is no need, which means you just need to “grow up.” At your level, borrowing large sums of money will only make matters worse. Such debts can lead you into a vicious circle where there is only a desire to have and receive, but there is no need to give. Very often, such a circle leads to huge debts and serious problems.
Therefore, whether to borrow money depends on how you feel about this issue and what you need the money for - spend it on satisfying momentary desires or use it to achieve your goals.
To borrow money when you need it and give when asked, learn to love and accept yourself and your opinion about debt.
- Understand the reasons why it is difficult for you to borrow or lend money.
- Stop judging people who do not fulfill their obligations - and such people will not appear in your life.
- If you are constantly short of money, think about how to minimize expenses and increase income.
- If you borrow, do it consciously and purposefully. published
How to avoid losing a friend by lending him money?
“Friendship is such a sacred, sweet, lasting and permanent feeling that you can keep it for life, unless, of course, you try to borrow money.”
Mark Twain
I lent it to a friend - consider that I lost both money and a friend!
You know your friend only very well. You trust him, you have been friends for many years, it is simply incredibly difficult for you to suspect him of dishonesty and dishonesty. It can’t even occur to you that he might not return this money, much less steal it. Therefore, the question “Should I lend money to a friend” does not even bother you.
But the most difficult thing is to believe that he is indifferent to you and your friendship is worth nothing to him, if he can so easily destroy your strong, time-tested friendship for the sake of some money.
But when the time comes to repay the debt, for some reason the friend does not call.
But somewhere deep in the recesses of your soul you calm yourself down and say to yourself: “No, no, he just forgot, he can’t help but return it. After all, he is my friend!”
So, you lent money to a friend; but time passes, and he still does not seek your presence and your phone is still silent. Then you dial his phone number yourself, with the deep conviction that he will now tell you a reason that will console you and will not give you a reason to think badly about him.
The money that you lent him is no longer so important to you, what is important to you is FRIENDSHIP, which may collapse. After all, your friend is not indifferent to you, and his friendship brings you many beautiful feelings and emotions. You are afraid of losing it all.
But he doesn’t answer your call, and worst of all, he hangs up. Then you realize that your fears are coming true, and that it turns out that you lent your friend money in vain. You begin to lose your best and devoted friend, who is no longer the best and far from loyal. That’s when phrases like “If you want to lose a friend, lend him money” appear. Unfortunately, this is the bitter truth of life, and you and I live in this truth.
What should you and I do when we are faced with a choice: to lend money to a friend, or not to lend it to him?
This choice is very difficult, and here's why.
The fact is that if you don't lend him money, he may be offended by you and your friendly relationship may deteriorate.
On the other side, if you did lend it to a friend, he may not return this money, and then the same situation will happen. As they say, exchange an awl for soap.
What to do if neither of the two options is suitable? In both cases, we are in danger of breaking friendly relations. Not good.
Let's think about what to do and how to make sure that “the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe.”
By the way, this may interest you: |
1. I don't mind.
Lend money to a friend, but an amount that you won’t mind losing.
Then you won't worry about this money. Although the residue from the “wrong” relationship will remain, there are few people who do not mind parting with their honestly earned money. However, if you are such a person, then this method is for you. But what about the rest?
2. Try to forgive him this money.
Tell him that the loss of this money is still unpleasant for you, but your relationship, YOUR FRIENDSHIP, is MORE IMPORTANT for you. So you sacrifice this money for the sake of friendship. But you MUST TELL him this, so that he knows it, so that he knows your attitude towards this money and your friendship. Then there is a possibility that he will appreciate it and try to improve his relationship with you, and for this he will do everything possible to return your money.
3. Help him.
Friend is known in trouble.
Now you know your friend even better. Do you know that in difficult situations He cannot resist the temptation of money.
And not only him!
We all don't know what we can handle and what we can't. We are all, to some extent, selfish. We just didn’t have situations that tested our strength and didn’t “break us”. Why are we so confident that we will remain honest, trustworthy, honorable when overwhelming temptations come? How much can our conscience and our nobility of character endure? What are we capable of? This can only be found out in “BATTLE”!
Therefore, you can REALLY recognize your friend only in “slush”, “dirt”, “rain”, when everything is “bad”.
When “good” anyone can be good.
The temptation of money, fame is the greatest temptation. Not everyone is ready to withstand them. You just need to practice!
Let this situation, when you loaned money to a friend, be his training room. The main thing is not just not to return money to a friend, but HOW not to return it. So that he understands that this is a test.
Help him pass this test! Help him understand things he has never thought about before. Help him value friendship as much as you value it! After all, if he is your friend, then you are not indifferent to his fate. Help and TEACH him to be real friends.
4. Give advance notice. Our responsibility. Be fair.
Tell him in advance, before he asks you to borrow money, that paying back the debt may be a big test for him, which he may not be able to handle.
Talk to him about this situation.
You can even refuse him!
But explain why you can't borrow.
Tell him that you are AFRAID of lending money to him as a FRIEND, that this test will be insurmountable for him. Then, when this happens, you and he will have to break off the friendly relationship. But you don't want that.
You don't want to test your friendship with such a difficult and insurmountable test.
After all, it will depend not only on him to repay the debt to you, but also on you.
It is also YOUR responsibility not to put more on a person than they can handle.
You don’t invite a person whose legs hurt on a difficult and long hike to the mountains. He will not be able to support you in case of danger and will not be able to withstand this trip. It would be strange to require a sick person to carry a load that he cannot bear.
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Video on the topic:
"Borrowed - lost a friend?"
Video on the topic:
"Should I lend money?"
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Should you lend money to friends? Should you lend money to relatives?
The sub-question has an answer that can be considered 90% correct. The saying is not born out of the blue.
By personal experience I will say that it is much easier to repay a debt from a stranger than from a friend or relative. Give a loan to a friend, you have every moral right to put full pressure on him, because you did not give him money out of friendship or family feelings.
If you lend money to a friend, it will be difficult to return it. After all, you and your friend have a lot in common. You have gone through a lot and have probably helped each other out in difficult times more than once. It is very difficult to collect a debt from a friend. He can always remind you: how he helped you out, how he needed this money, what difficulties he is having now, and so on.
It is almost impossible to collect a debt from a relative if he does not want to repay. He will always be able to press pity and remind you of his native blood. Arguments such as: “I wiped your butt,” “You broke my favorite toy,” and so on can be used. It is much easier to forgive a debt to your relative than to waste time, effort and nerves trying to return this money.
A few examples from life.
Of course, I myself have repeatedly lent money to my friends. I had a case when one “bad person” did not want to repay me a debt. His credit history was depressing and no one believed that in this case it was possible to return the money. But when information appeared that he could leave the country, several working methods that I would never have used on my friends and relatives returned me the money that I had been waiting for half a year within two days.
One of my good friends decided to earn a little money by renting out an apartment to his friend, with whom he had been friends since childhood. A friend constantly delayed payment and was able to persuade my good friend in this manner for six months. When the matter reached a dead end, the friend left town, leaving the keys under the rug and a complete mess in the apartment. Not only did my friend not receive the money, but he also had to make repairs after his “Friend”.
And now the most difficult part - relatives. I have a friend who professionally lends money and professionally takes it away if someone wants to deceive him. Over many years of work, no one had ever deceived him. But his relatives still owe him money. One of the relatives borrowed a significant amount of money and promised to pay it back in installments, but it turned out that he took out an unrealistic loan and he simply did not have the opportunity to pay this money back. Another relative took a substantial amount from him for literally a week and has not been able to pay him back for several years. As a friend told me, he could get this money out of anyone without any problems, but not from his relatives.
If your loved ones are asking you for a loan, then perhaps you will be interested in looking at the answers that I gave earlier on this topic.
How to properly collect a debt if they don’t pay it back:
How to refuse a person who asks you to borrow money:
Is it true that a receipt not certified by a notary is invalid:
When a professional cannot collect a debt from relatives who cannot return the money to him, then what can we say about those people who do not have such experience... If relatives ask for a loan, then give them the amount that you don’t mind losing and forget about this money. This is the best you can do in this situation.
Oddly enough, legal practice shows that relatives, friends and acquaintances are the worst at paying personal debts. Friends, neighbors, colleagues, classmates, brothers and sisters are the most undisciplined debtors. The fact is that a close relationship with the lender (this is what is called in the Civil Code of the Russian Federation) individual- private creditor) allow people to count on leniency when their debt is overdue, sometimes for months or years, and some believe that a friend or relative can completely forgive him, which means it is not necessary to return the money.
The main problem in debt relationships with loved ones is that in 99% of cases money is transferred without a receipt, on the so-called “trust”. Since the promissory note is the only document confirming the transfer of money, it is not possible to claim the debt through the court without it. Even the testimony of witnesses does not provide the court with compelling reasons to rule in favor of the unlucky lender. Therefore, if relatives or friends ask you to borrow money, do not forget to draw up a promissory note that has legal weight, even if it is written in free form and by hand, and if you are embarrassed, it is better to refuse the request.
We in no way urge you to refuse to help your loved ones who really need financial support if they find themselves in difficult times. life situation. Helping people is the sacred duty of every person, but it is important to be extremely careful when implementing your good intentions, with which, as the English writer Samuel Johnson once noted, “the road to hell is paved.” If you think that by refusing to lend money, nothing bad will happen to the applicant, then do not hesitate - refuse.
How to refuse a money applicant without saving face
- Let them know that you are fundamentally opposed to lending money to your friends, because as someone wise said, exactly when money enters the relationship between friends, the friendship ends (and this is true). In a male environment, the old humorous excuse works perfectly: “I don’t lend my car, wife and money to anyone, but for the rest, my friend, ask for whatever you want...”.
- Pretend that you sincerely want to help, but tell the applicant a significantly smaller amount than the required amount, which you supposedly have, and which you are ready to give him right now or in a short time. If to a potential borrower really needs money in a certain amount, be sure that he will refuse your help, since it will not solve his problems.
- Confidentially share a story about how you yourself recently urgently needed money, but got rid of the problem easily and beautifully by simply turning to a reliable microfinance organization. If the applicant refers to a bad credit history, lack of a work record or a source of permanent income, invite him to contact the company where he can get one, only with a passport.
Important to remember
In all of the above cases, under no circumstances agree with the argumentation of the person asking for money, insist on your version of solving the problem, do it confidently, demonstrate your participation and desire to help. To be guaranteed to refuse money to relatives or friends, you will only need to become an actor for a few minutes, remembering how you played the role of a bunny, Ophelia or Hamlet, in a school amateur performance. The fee for your acting will be a clear conscience and money that will remain in your pocket or purse. We wish you creative success!
