How true love bursts into life. True love is not what it is commonly called. How the feeling manifests itself

And almost all women wonder how it is, if a man truly loves? And is the stronger sex even capable of experiencing this feeling?

The question may seem strictly philosophical, but lengthy reasoning is by no means the answer to it.

Refer to the works of practicing psychologists - many of them not only talk, but also help people understand themselves and become happy here and now.

How to take your mind off thoughts about your loved one? will help you!

Does true love exist?

Of course it exists. Moreover - the world rests on her.

If a person absolutely needs, he It's worth going to a psychologist. Let him deal with his own. He wants games, action, “movement” as they say today, emotions. True love does not tolerate such gambling.

If you truly love, then there is no need for sacrifice. Most main man in everyone's life - you yourself.

If you love yourself, . If you give up your own values ​​for the sake of someone, there is no talk about love.

You can give in on little things improve yourself, but don't break yourself. If your loved one sets a condition for you: don’t work, stay at home with the children, that’s what I decided. And you can’t help but work; in addition to being a wife and mother, you are also a wonderful teacher, for example!

Such conditions are in the category of “it’s so convenient for me”; this has nothing to do with the unconditional acceptance of a loved one with his goals, aspirations, and capabilities.

Man's love

A very strange question - can men truly love. There is no difference between the sexes in this. Of course they can.

And if you doubt this, then perhaps you have become attached to a person who does not love you. And you don’t even want to think about the fact that someone else will take the place next to you.

In this aspect it is often remembered male polygamy.

Men are all the same, they cannot love one woman, this is natural, etc. A good excuse, beautiful, biting. But it’s an excuse!

If a man loves and respects himself, if he has met a woman whom he truly loves, he has there is no need to supplement your life with any other emotions with other women. He doesn’t need it, he’s not interested.

Another frequently asked question: Can an alcoholic truly love a woman? Alcoholism It's a mental illness, chemical dependency. Alcoholism always (note - always) leads to intellectual and physical degradation.

This means that, invariably, over time, the moral and ethical values ​​that exist in a person’s consciousness will degrade. Alcoholics have a reduced threshold for criticism of themselves and the world.

In a word, we can say that a true alcoholic is spiritually deficient person. Can he love?

It depends on the degree of the disease, but with each year of alcohol abuse a person loses many emotional and moral needs and abilities, including the ability to love.

What is the basis of love for a problematic man? Psychologist's answer:

Parables and sayings

There is one interesting parable. One day, one teacher found out that one of his students was in love and was pursuing his love. He advised him to leave the person behind, because love cannot be demanded.

The student was surprised, to which the teacher said that when they try to break into your door, you only lock yourself tighter.

What to do, asked the student? The teacher advised him to become a welcome guest, and then the doors will be opened for you.

Love a person sincerely Genuinely, don't try to pretend to be more than you are. Don't attract too much attention, but let them know - modestly and unobtrusively - that you are there and you are the one who can help.

The flower does not chase the bees, but simply attracts them with its nectar. So love is the nectar that people flock to.

The moral here is simple: You cannot demand love. If this is your person, he will not pass by. Be yourself, demonstrate your kindness and human warmth, without intrusiveness or bravado.

Here you can remember statements by the above-mentioned M. Labkovsky:

1. Don't look for love from. Don't waste time: You don't look for meat in a fish store. He doesn’t need a second wife, he already has one at home.
2. Think about whether you want to get married or want to fall in love. These are different things. Getting married is an attribute, an appearance. Love is real, content. If you have a healthy need to love, there will be someone who will reciprocate it.
3. If some person replaces the whole world for you, it means you simply don’t have your own world.

If a man is not ready to start a family and does not demonstrate a serious relationship at all, by giving him a chance, you are most likely simply wasting your time. Your time, mind you.

Parable about love:

Is it passing?

Feelings may dry up. People break up, get divorced, find new happiness.

But that doesn't mean they didn't love. Relationships are a mechanism that can fail. But it can be fixed if both really want it.

And they often don’t “rust” at all utopian feelings, memories from the past that we varnish, gloss, idealize.

The horror is that many people live their whole lives with these glossy memories or the illusion of real unfulfilled love. True love is the one that comes true for both.

Feelings can be adult, mature. If you are healthy in a psychological sense, then you will not run after infantile passions and attachments. It is worth understanding that we have one life, and that it makes sense to spend it as a happy person, loving and loved.

Love, according to psychology, does not have a clear definition. The most common interpretations of the term are: a state of inspiration, a desire to give joy, a need to feel loved. The concept of “true love” applies to all of these states and is built on the basic concepts of intimacy, passion and commitment. But before experiencing true love, a couple goes through 7 stages that help not to confuse love with falling in love.

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True love is love that did not arise suddenly. This is a firmly formed feeling that appeared during the development of relationships. According to the works of American psychologist Robert Sternberg, real love is based on 3 components:

• proximity;
• passions;
• obligation.

To reach the listed feelings in relation to another person, it takes time, during which you need to get to know the other half even more. Relationships develop according to the following stages:

1. 1. Love. Everyday life and real problems force lovers to move from a feeling of euphoria to the next level.
2. 2. Satiation. At the stage of coexistence (when they are already fed up with feelings, the hormones have receded), people either separate or develop the relationship further.
3. 3. Rejection. Each of the partners becomes selfish and tries to pull the blanket over themselves.
4. 4. Tolerance. The stage of coming to terms with the partner’s shortcomings, accepting personality and discovering new traits of his/her character begins.
5. 5. Service. A person taught by experience begins to show wisdom, since he has already managed to study all the positive and negative qualities of his partner. At this stage, everyone tries to support each other.
6. 6. Friendship. The look at the second half is completely new, acceptance of the partner as close, the second period of falling in love begins.
7. 7. Love. Perceiving another person as oneself, the absence of cunning tricks and mercantile thoughts.

How the feeling manifests itself

According to psychologist E. A. Borodaenko, the words “Love to the grave, feelings for life” are statements of people in codependent relationships. This is not a sign of true love. Deep feeling implies actions and actions.

How true love is manifested in actions and actions:

• Give gifts.
• Put the interests of others above your own.
• To feel safety next to a person, stability in feelings.
• Learn to forgive.
• To become better.
• Be able to remain silent and understand without words.
• Act as one team.
• Give more than you receive in a relationship.
• Help the other half.
• Let go of spending your free time without worrying about yourself.

Is there true love

There is no ideal relationship between a guy and a girl, a man and a woman. The word "ideal" does not apply to people because everyone has flaws. Therefore, we need to learn to accept and understand each other.

Does love really exist?

1. 1. On the Internet. Nowadays, people often fall in love on the Internet, which is largely a deception. People often impersonate others. “Love on the Internet” is an interest in a person, the inaccessibility of an object, which makes it even more desirable. It has nothing to do with real feeling.
2. 2. At first sight. There are couples who claim that they fell in love at first sight. But it's just love. If people know each other a little longer, then they have a better chance of finding true love.
3. 3. In childhood. An unformed personality does not understand himself or those around him, and therefore does not experience true love. At 16, 14, or even 12 years old, it is necessary to tell the child how to recognize a real feeling.

You need to work on relationships, have a strong desire to create a family, strong and long-lasting relationships. If two people show desire, then everything will work out.

How not to confuse it with falling in love

True love must go through all 7 stages. This is a lot of work on relationships. A warm feeling or attraction towards someone is a common crush.

A couple of tips on how not to confuse a sincere, selfless feeling with being in love:

1. 1. Passion. Love is not always sexually oriented, unlike falling in love.
2. 2. Time. Feelings develop with at different speeds: You can start loving after months or years, but you can fall in love at first sight.
3. 3. Selfishness. Feelings in love are aimed at the comfort of the other person.
4. 4. Self-sacrifice. The lover will not show dedication.
5. 5. Depth. Falling in love passes faster, but love lasts longer.
6. 6. Convention. A deep feeling is to perceive a person as a whole, and falling in love involves the emergence of a feeling of sympathy because of something (character quality, appearance and so on.).
7. 7. Manifestation. Various actions show the attitude towards the other half: breakfast in bed, caring during illness, etc.
8. 8. Adoption. A person who is in love sees only the positive sides of character, and one who loves knows the negative qualities and accepts them.

In the life of every person, sooner or later, someone important, significant appears, to whom the soul and thoughts are drawn. Sometimes this closeness becomes friendship, sometimes it turns into something more. I really want to distinguish between these two statuses and learn to determine which is which. “Are there signs of love and what are they?” — people have been asking these questions for a long time. How not to get into trouble, not to miss the important things in your life and at the same time not to attach too much importance to the ordinary.

Is this the person I am destined to be with all my life and live it happily? Or wait for someone else who will be even better? When to stop and start appreciating? What is love and what is real love? This is an inner feeling that invariably gives us happiness. As the famous Russian psychologist of our time Mikhail Labkovsky said:

“A true feeling can only be happy, the rest will be anything but it. It could be neurosis, addiction, hysteria, anything.”

In passion, a person receives joy, not sadness, anxiety, jealousy or fear of losing an important person. What changes our world, what is so multifaceted and many-sided. However, it is possible to identify some common basic features characteristic of this great feeling.

Let's reveal 5 signs of beautiful interdependence among people.

1. Man to man is space. Love is something mysterious, even mystical, which is not always understood. This unknown force of attraction that arises between two people, has the character of an eternal mystery. No matter what the chemists who allegedly solved its mystery claim, explaining everything in chemical formulas. But is it really that simple? Psychology finds new explanations, mechanisms and principles of this emotion from year to year, but has never fully revealed its secret. There is no logic or rational element in the attraction of one person in love to another. Without a doubt, this arises on the basis of archetypes and behavioral stereotypes formed in childhood, and helps to receive insufficiently received or transmitted parental love. Everyone looks for in the other what they themselves once did not receive, and sometimes attachment also arises from this. And you can never say with certainty that you understood another, but you can say that you accepted without even understanding.
2. Fear of loss. Some people are afraid of losing that one or only one. Some people are afraid of losing themselves in a relationship. When we need another so much that we become dependent on the person. At this moment, the fear of losing him as a part of himself appears unconditional. Sometimes an emotion is so absorbing that you even want to push it away, so that it won’t be so painful, scary, and so as not to fall completely under the power of another person, submitting completely. Sincere feelings completely subjugate us, and this is also scary and is compared to death, but if you trust this, then new levels of sensations and freedom will open up before a person.
3. Lack of guarantees and insurance. No one will convince us that this is once and for all, that the new attraction will always be comfortable and cozy, that it will be eternal and happy. But we try, and the one who is honest with himself and his partner wins. Often we are dominated by the sad experience of previous relationships. Part of the soul is broken and awaits injections, so it is difficult to plunge headlong into a new, albeit promising, emotion and believe: passion, partner, future. But you'll never know until you try. It's better to regret what you've done than to mourn a missed chance.
4. Wish without a doubt. Platonic passion is nothing more than a myth invented by a more or less insolvent person. Deep passion consumes a person at all levels of existence, including the gross physical. It is physical intimacy that is a vivid manifestation of feeling, and it is not necessary to experience it every moment. Different emotions have ups and downs. But physical desire always accompanies her.
5. You become alive and significant. By getting into each other, we choose a person to play a major role in our lives. This makes the chosen one or chosen one special not only in our eyes, but also in our own. By exchanging emotions, we give each other ourselves along with our inner world, thus doubling your worldview.

In addition to deeply internal symptoms, there are external signs true love - in behavior, aspirations. Here are some signs of a lover:

• Thoughts about this person that sometimes become so intrusive that there is no room in the head for anything else. This is the most typical thing that happens at this time.
• The desire to spend all the time together. I want to tell as much as possible about myself and also fully know everything about the other person. I want to spend every minute together, even just being nearby.
• Being with someone important to you makes you feel comfortable and safe.
• Attitude to conflicts. For some, their own rightness is so significant that they cease to value and respect other people’s opinions and their own happiness. It is more important to resolve the conflict than to defend your point of view and principles.
• Exchange of deep emotions. At the same time, lovers do not feel afraid to open up and show themselves without protection and masks. What is very important here is the trust that they have in each other, which allows them to immerse themselves in the truth of the relationship;
• No interest in others. We are not talking about complete indifference to the rest of the world; there is simply no need to constantly search for another, to attract someone’s attention to oneself. The object of sympathy he has found is so deep and boundless that he does not want to waste his time on others.
• Plans for future life together. At first it was just good together, but I want to deepen this state and make it more stable. There is a desire to be together constantly, and this already leads to the creation of joint plans. You are ready to accept another into your life not temporarily, but permanently, and you are also ready to enter the life of your chosen one.

If these symptoms are about you, then the world will no longer be the same, and happiness is inevitable.

How to sense Her approach

The first signs of love are always the most exciting moment in its inception. Is it possible to identify the signs of approaching love? You can listen to yourself and notice the emergence of something new, catch in yourself the signs of a person in love: goosebumps in the presence of your chosen one or chosen one, languor in anticipation of the appearance, increased heartbeat only at the thought of the very object of desire.

Or look for sure signs in nature and surrounding events that She is already close. And then interpret dreams: a full moon, a bouquet of white flowers given by a stranger, a candle in the hands of another. Looking for someone's lost wedding invitation or wedding accessory on the street - sure sign future connection. Or in the spring perceive every breath fresh wind as a chance for something bright and sincere to come into life, expecting it with all my soul and bringing it closer with my readiness.

Jealousy and Passion

What is the most obvious sign of true feeling?

There are people who believe that jealousy is a sign of love. Usually it is practically not inherent in people who are self-confident. In reality, if you allow another to choose, you give the right to a personal opinion, then there is no place left for jealousy. There is no jealousy while there is deep passion, and certainly not when it has already disappeared.

Is jealousy a manifestation of sincere affection or one’s own complex, going shoulder to shoulder with someone else’s complex? A destructive feeling that reduces one of the partners to a state of ownership, and the other, accordingly, to an owner. A healthy and self-confident person does not need to constantly monitor his companion, convince himself that there is no double bottom or threat to your relationship behind words, gestures and attention to other people.

True love is not about a racing heart or stare. It takes quite a long time for true love to arise.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not identical to true love.

This is nothing more than infatuation, a strong surge of romantic and sexual emotions that fill your mind.

When you first start dating someone or have feelings for someone at first sight, what you feel is not love, even if it seems like that rare feeling.

You are simply experiencing the first stage of love - falling in love.

The concept of true love, ironically, cannot be contained in one definition.

This is the kind of love that most of us strive for, but only a few actually find it or this emotion before it is too late.

So what is true love? This is a feeling, as a result of which a person behaves beyond the usual behavior of ordinary lovers.

When someone hurts you, you get angry with him. If someone is lucky: he earned money or received better job, - you envy him. When someone tries to humiliate you, you want revenge.

This is normal human behavior, and it seems to you that these qualities are deeply rooted within you, becoming part of your essence.

But when you feel true love for someone, your normal behavior towards that person changes.

Figuratively speaking, even having received a slap in the face from the object of your love, you may not want to turn the other cheek, but the thought of revenge for what you have done will not arise in your head.

When a person experiences true love

True love takes time to arise and manifest itself. What you experience in the first and even second year of a relationship is falling in love based on sexual attraction.

When outbursts of emotions begin to disappear after the first quarrels and misunderstandings that arise, your feelings will definitely be tested for strength. As a result, the idyll of many couples is destroyed due to incompatibility.

If you are in a relationship where you truly understand each other and feel genuine closeness and compatibility, and most importantly, love each other for a long time, chances are you are already experiencing true love.

Does true love exist

Does true love only happen once in a lifetime? Not really. You can experience it many times and with different people.

But true love can also fade over time.

For most of us, the first time we experience the purest form of true love.

We are not afraid to let that special person into our hearts, and we are not worried about the possibility of heartbreak. We are fearless in love, and we love sincerely and passionately.

But when the first relationship ends, the love we thought was real also gradually disappears, even if it takes years and several new relationships.

After people have experienced more than one relationship, many of them are divided into two groups: those who believe in true love, and those who are sure that true love does not exist.

Your experience of love can play a significant role in your understanding and expectations of true love.

And if you're wondering if true and romantic love are the same, they're not, even though we almost always associate true love with romantic love.

True love is unconditional love in its purest form, while romantic love is based on physical attraction.

True love can't be faked

True love is experienced sincerely and naturally. You can't fake it, no matter how hard you try.

If a couple cannot pass the compatibility test during the falling in love stage, it will be difficult for them to ever experience true love.

On the other hand, if both partners are able to understand each other, and they are sure that they are made for each other, over time they will begin to truly love and be able to become one.

As a result, such relationships will turn into pure and selfless love, which we call real.

Signs of love

1. Desire to give

The desire to invest in a partner and in a relationship is unconditional, not reinforced by the desire or expectation of getting something in return to confirm the validity of your actions.

2. Simple happiness

The moment you simply watch your other half smile, your heart overflows with happiness, even if today turned out to be very difficult.

3. Pain and anger

You feel pain when your loved one upsets you, but you are never annoyed by his actions.

You can't be angry with him for long, because quarrels cause you even more pain.

4. The ability to sacrifice

You are capable of sacrificing your happiness or well-being, even if your girlfriend (boyfriend) will never fully appreciate it.

5. Reasonable efforts

You go to great lengths and make efforts to improve relationships, and you also make a conscious effort to please your partner and make them feel loved and special.

6. You will never hurt them

When you are truly in love with someone, you cannot even think about hurting them, either emotionally or physically.

You to me, I to you is a strong human instinct, but true love makes you completely selfless.

7. Keep all promises

If you make a promise to your significant other, you make sure to keep your word, even if your loved one will never know that the promise was not kept.

When you experience true love, your moral side becomes very strong towards the object of your feelings.

8. We

In a relationship, it is important to have personal space so that the man and woman can develop as individuals.

But at the same time, if you truly love your partner, you will treat him as part of your life.

When you think about your future, you cannot imagine it without your loved one.

9. You share their burden.

And you do it, even if it is difficult for you. You can't see your other half suffering.

If she is dealing with a problem, you are always ready to offer a helping hand, even if you have your own difficulties and time constraints.

10. Pride and jealousy

You are filled with pride when your loved ones achieve something, even if you yourself could not achieve it.

You may be jealous of your life partners, but if we are talking about true love, there will be no place for jealousy in your relationship.

11. Suffering

You are willing to suffer just to see your loved ones happy.

12. Your actions are inseparable from their interests.

When you're busy doing something, your actions are carried out taking into account the interests of your girlfriend (boyfriend), whether it's planning a party or hanging out with friends after work.

You don't want to hurt your significant other, so you can always look at a situation from their point of view before making any decision if it might affect them.

How to keep love

Falling under the power of feelings is not so difficult, but in order to maintain the spark of love for a long time, you will need to work.

However, as long as working on relationships is no longer like regular work, and for the game, everything should be in order.

1. Try your best to love your partner unconditionally, even if you find it difficult to behave without being selfish.

2. Consider issues that arise from your loved one's perspective.

3. Learn as soon as possible, even if hugging your girlfriend (boyfriend) is the last thing on your mind right now.

4. Make love regularly, but never set aside time for it.Planning your intimate life can easily turn it into unbearable boredom.

5. Establish a dialogue with each other and develop your love together, never stopping sincere.

6. Learn to give each other personal space so that you can both grow as individuals. Even the closest relationships require a pinch of solitude to allow each other to take a breath from time to time.

7. N and never take each other for granted. This is the easiest way to become a victim of misunderstandings, quarrels and circumstances.

8. If absolutely necessary, use lies for good, unless, of course, this deception is insignificant and cannot affect your relationship, but can make your partner happy.

9. Never shy away from positive criticism. If you speak constructively, yours will help your girlfriend (boyfriend) become even better.

10. Be the shoulder you can rely on no matter what. Difficult times are testing times for your relationship. Stay close, and when the storm ends, love will shine even brighter.

11. Never argue in public, but show your affection publicly.

12. Don't let your sexual attraction for each other fade, which also includes keeping yourself in good physical shape and generally taking care of your appearance. Just because you've been in a relationship for a long time doesn't mean you can afford to look like a beggar under a store.

13. Do (to the guy) even if they did a completely ordinary job. Compliments are the best way to thank your loved one for the efforts they have made for you, no matter the scale of the service provided.

14. Celebrate important events. and anniversaries may be repeated many times in your life, but it is moments like these that create memories.

15. Never intentionally try to make your lover feel bad or look bad. Such actions can leave a deep scar that can damage the relationship.

16. Learn to forgive without offense. No matter how difficult it may be, forgiveness is one of the qualities of true love that is one of the most important in a relationship.

17. Respect your chosen ones with all your heart.

18. Trust your girlfriend (boyfriend) and your instincts, even if others say otherwise.

19. Never drip on each other’s brains, even when you are overcome by temptation, crumpled out of anger or disappointment.

20. Learn to spend quality time together. No the best way come to true love, as in the process of effectively spent time, because in this case your relationship will develop rapidly.

21. Don’t make a serious face, as if a serious relationship is very difficult, responsible and stressful. Be playful like children. Evening pillow fights won't hurt either of you, but they can help you both enjoy your relationship.

22. Be spontaneous. Don't wait special occasions or special moments to express your love. Unexpected surprises always bring more positive emotions than planned events.

23. True love has no recipe, because every relationship has its own characteristics. Instead of relying solely on the experiences of others, remember to learn from your own successes and failures.

Conclusion

If you're in a relationship and don't experience signs of true love, don't worry. Perhaps your relationship has not reached a state of emotional maturity that transcends physical attraction or the stage of falling in love.

Don't rush and take unnecessary actions. You can't force yourself to fall in love with someone for real, instead try to understand each other better.

But if you don't do anything to ensure that happiness reigns in your love, perhaps it will be better for both of you to build relationships with other people.

At the same time, if you both are already happy in your relationship, don't try to change anything. More often than not, selfless and unconditional love takes time to materialize.

You can't push yourself to the next stage in love until you're both ready for it. But if you are happy and understand each other, you are already experiencing true love.

Think about what love means to you. If you wish, you can write down your thoughts and feelings regarding love. In the dictionary you can find several meanings of love. For example, love is:

• Strong positive emotion, affection, or pleasure. “He likes her affection for him.”
• Love is an object of warm affection, devotion or sympathy: “Her first love was the theater.” "I love French food."
• To be loved: a loved one; as an expression of tenderness and affection.
• Deep feelings of sexual desire; for example: "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
• Zero in tennis or squash: "The match is over with a score of 40-love (40:0)!"
• Sexual love: sexual interaction between two people. For example: "They are making love." "He hasn't had sex in months."

The Greeks divided love into 4 categories. Think about which category suits you best.

1. Agape- love for one's neighbor. Such love is pure, selfless. For example: “God loves us with all our shortcomings.”
2. Philia- virtuous, chaste love, guided by our sympathies or desires and needs.
3. Storge– family love, physical manifestation of affection, need for physical touch. In rare cases, love is between very close friends.
4. Eros– physical, sexual desire. The same root words are eroticism and eroticism.