Psychologists have proven that the presence of a man is important for a boy. An acute shortage of dad is felt by a teenager. Many women do not understand how to raise a child without a father, especially a son left in care after a divorce. Mothers make a lot of mistakes that affect the character of the grown-up.
Mom's actions
It is difficult to explain to the baby, the reasons for what is happening. Many teenagers perceive the news of their parents' divorce painfully, consider themselves guilty, and receive psychological trauma. Ideal Solution in case of divorce - a conversation with the child. The situation needs to be clarified. It is desirable to involve the father in a sincere conversation.
You should tell the teenager about the further development of events. Discuss the nuances: inform the place of residence and the possibility of visiting the father. Convince that his father does not leave him. Parents love - everything remains the same. The baby must be protected from fear, loneliness. Ideally, a conversation with the children about the upcoming dissolution of the marriage is held before the start of the legal battle.
There is no general scientific opinion about the leading role of parents in raising children. Some psychologists say that the mother's upbringing instills the basic skills and behavior patterns. Character is laid up to the age of five. Usually, the upbringing of a child of this age is wholly or in the leading way the mother is engaged. But despite this, after a divorce, many women doubt their ability to raise a son without the active participation of the father.
Other psychologists say that one mother cannot raise her son as a real man. Her duty is to find a worthy father for her own baby. Otherwise, the boy may grow up dependent, dependent, indecisive.
Of course, if a woman is left alone with a baby in her arms, ideal option there will be regular assistance in raising the offspring. It is desirable that the former spouse contribute to the upbringing. Many argue that only a father is able to strongly and unconditionally love his son. Pretty controversial statement.
Modern men marry women with children. They love her offspring so much that many blood fathers never dreamed of. But there are men, from communication with which the baby can draw only negative traits. In this case, it is better to raise the baby alone.
Divorce does not cancel obligations to the blood in the material and psychological equivalent.
- The husband strives to see the little one - let him take part in the upbringing. Do not limit him in desires.
- Ex-husband does not want to deal with a teenager, you will have to lay the responsibility entirely on women's shoulders.
The boy needs the right prototype. Focusing on him, the baby gradually realizes how a man should behave. The first awareness of sexual differences comes early: at the age of one year. A husband, grandfather, stepfather, godfather, uncle, husband of a close friend, neighbor can become a role model.
After the child reaches the age of three, it is recommended to give him to any sports section. This mother will receive several positive results at the same time.
- Firstly, the boy will have a male mentor - a coach.
- Secondly, the coaches are disciplined and courageous. Looking at him, the baby will gradually begin to adopt male behavior.
The coach will teach you to courageously endure minor injuries: knocked knees, bruises. Mom needs to stay soft, worry about any scratch that her son has. If she treats the boy like a man, without showing weaknesses, he will forever understand that women are strong, do not need support. Attitudes towards them in the future will be formed accordingly.
At the age of five, in boys, courage and purposefulness are laid in character. Approval of his actions by an adult male is required. So the boy learns to overcome obstacles, reaching the goal. The destiny of a woman is to worry and lubricate her knees with brilliant green. A mother should not praise her son that, having fallen from a scooter and hurt himself, he overcame pain and drove on. Praise of the mother will sound unnatural, excitement will betray insincerity. A child recognizes a lie and becomes a permissive signal for deceptive actions.
A boy needs male understanding for about 10 years. The period of puberty begins. There is a mass of intimate misunderstandings that the son is embarrassed to find out from his mother. During this period, the relationship of the child to women is laid. The boy can blame his mother for the divorce and the absence of his father, get angry for excessive love and care, and show aggression.
The ex-husband, continuing to communicate with his son, can hold conversations on "uncomfortable" topics. He is obliged to explain to the offspring that the perpetrators of the divorce do not exist.
Adolescence and in complete families do not go smoothly. When a woman does not have a husband who will explain and show by his own example the behavior of an adult man, then the guy begins to “try on” different models behavior. Often this leads to sad consequences.
Common Mistakes
Dear readers! Our articles talk about typical ways legal issues, but each case is unique. If you want to know how to solve your particular problem, please use the online consultant form on the right or call the free hotline:8 800 350-13-94 - For Russian regions
8 499 938-42-45 - Moscow and Moscow region.
8 812 425-64-57 - St. Petersburg and Leningrad region.
- The mistake of women is the ban on visits between the father and the child. After a divorce, a lot of negative emotions and resentment remain. The ex-husband becomes an enemy. To annoy him, many women forbid communicating with their son. Such actions cause a negative psychological imprint on the character of the baby. It is necessary to lock bad emotions with seven locks and encourage communication. Parents help shape the minds of children. You should never humiliate and insult a father in the eyes of a son.
- You can't replace your father. Mom should breathe love, affection, tenderness and femininity. The son needs to show the correct model of the behavior of a woman / man;
- Do not consider your family incomplete or inferior. This attitude has a negative effect on the child. There are families where the husband is absent and this situation is practically not felt due to maternal care;
- Despite the small age, you can not "lisp". Excessive softness can be harmful. The boy must learn to be independent. He is a future man who needs not only tenderness, but also firmness, determination;
- A woman should not give up her personal life. The happier the mother, the more comfortable the offspring feels. Often the second spouse communicates wonderfully with the adopted child, which allows you to find a way out of conflict situations.
- You don't have to finish everything for your son. If something does not work out for the child, the mother should not take the initiative and finish it. It is better to explain in a mild form how to do it right. Let him learn to finish what he started. It is required to enlist his support in household chores. No hard work required. Make the bed, put away the toys, wash the plate and spoon are quite appropriate assignments;
- Don't push away your child's desire to help. Shows care - enjoy! So he realizes that he becomes the protector and support of the woman;
- Don't make your dreams come true. If you wanted to do ballroom dancing, you don’t need to make your dream come true on your son. He has his own preferences, often completely different from his parents;
- It is dangerous to forbid friends with peers. You can not ignore the opinion of the child. If friendship, in the opinion of the mother, will harm the offspring, it will become him life lesson. The experience will be remembered for a lifetime.
Child's father died
If family happiness prevented by death (the husband died), you need to take into account the psychological state of the mother. After the tragedy, the woman will not be able to quickly restore psychological balance and how to magically behave with her son correctly. When the mother gathers her strength, she must tell the child the truth. The deception will be remembered for a long time. Lying can result in the loss of precious trust.
You should tell your son about the courage, kindness, masculinity of dad. The father is the ideal role model for the family in the face of death.
It is necessary to praise the son for any positive experience. Praise will help to understand the correctness of actions. Role models are everywhere. Take advantage of fairy tales, films, songs about brave knights, polite gentlemen, strong heroes protecting the weak. Walking down the street, it is not superfluous to pay attention to men who perform some kind of noble deed: saving a kitten, helping a grandmother who cannot cross the road on her own, giving way to a woman in transport.
It is necessary to show respect for the opinion of the son, to consult, as with an adult. To give at least an imaginary freedom of action: to allow one to choose from two or three options provided by the mother. It will be beneficial to study something together: brands of cars, planets of the solar system. The lesson should interest the offspring.
Joint pastime will enable the child to realize that he is loved, respected, appreciated. Doing household chores will give the family integrity and make it possible to enjoy communication.
A family is not only a spouse, husband and children living together. Family is devotion, mutual understanding and revenue. You can raise a boy as a role model without a father. The main thing is to believe in your son and unconditionally accept and understand.
Attention! In connection with latest changes in legislation, the legal information in this article could be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write a question in the form below:
✔ In the absence of a father, there should be a model of male behavior in the life of a son. Mom does not need to change countless men next to her (this also happens, and there is no use from this). A grandfather, uncle, brother, coach, teacher, etc. can act as a model, an ideal. The more men will be present in the life of a child, the better. Write down, for example, it in the section on some "male" sport;
✔ In this case, however, the mother's attitude towards the opposite sex also plays a big role. If in the presence of men, necessarily forced to communicate with them, the mother feels awkward, aggressive, anxious, uncomfortable, then the son can intuitively catch this and experience mixed feelings in the company of men. Therefore, if you have problems communicating with the opposite sex, give preference to one or two men who will be significant for both you and your son: your father or brother, for example;
✔ Role models, in the case of education without a father, you need to show outside real life. These can be books, cartoons, feature films and TV shows in which there are brave heroes, knights, musketeers who protect the world and women who will show and tell you how to be a real man. In childhood, you can have a little idealization and fairy tales; in adolescence, you can have a few good films about men, but not stupid action movies.
✔ Be on an equal footing - do not lisp with your son, but do not press with your authority. An imperious mother has a son without initiative, an over-caring mother also begins to rebel with age. Show love in moderation, do not strangle the child with it. A boy who is emotionally dependent on his mother will not be able to psychologically separate from her when he grows up, and will live with you for a long, long time, without marrying or giving you grandchildren;
✔ When raising a boy without a father, do not spoil him, trying to compensate for all the love. Teach your child to be independent. In this regard, I always remember James Harriot, a British veterinarian and writer, who wrote in his book "Notes of a Veterinarian" that when he was 3-4 years old, his mother left him 3 km from home (it happened in the suburbs in the 50s of the twentieth century), and he got home on his own. Would you be able to do this? Therefore, do not try to do the work for the child. But also do not accustom to purely female duties. It is better if he will be able to wash dishes and clean up after himself. But even better if he learns how to hammer nails and fix a simple device (not in three years, of course).
✔ Trying to accustom him to these duties, do not stand "over your soul" with the guy and do not peek out furtively from around the corner. Give him the opportunity to deal with the problem himself. And don't run to him after every "I can't" or "I can't"! In a calm voice, invite him to "try again." As I noted in the previous article, the most important thing for a boy is the trust that you give him. Waiting constantly for your help, the boy will not learn anything, you will have to do everything yourself.
✔ In dealing with a boy, take the position of a “weak woman”. This does not contradict the previous advice at all. Be gentle, caring, vulnerable, feminine, affectionate, loving. Do not show him that you are strong and replace both his parents, that you are a god and solve all problems. Due to the fact that the son can help you, sympathize, regret, he learns to be a strong, caring man. Do not dismiss kisses and hugs from your five-year-old son (you will miss them oh how much as a teenager), do not take away the bag when he tries to help convey, etc.
✔ Praise your son often. Repeat endlessly to him “You will succeed!”, “You are the most wonderful!”, “You are my protector”, etc. For a boy raising without a father, this is especially important. In your words - reinforcement of its significance in your eyes. Indeed, very often a mother for a child raising without a father is the only truly close person for whom he is capable of much. And compliments, praise, approval - this is what motivates him to "feats". Just do it in a masculine manner - briefly and to the point “Great, well done!”, And not “you are my bunny, sweetie, what are you with me ...”.
✔ Trust your son and let him be free. This means that you don’t need to force him to listen to you unconditionally, you don’t need to forbid playing with boys (even those that seem bad to you), you need to give him the opportunity to independently understand conflict situations. Treat abrasions and bruises, but do not cackle or lament.
Tips for raising a boy without a father are quite contradictory, if you notice: on the one hand, a woman needs to be weak and feminine, on the other, strong in spirit, calm and confident. Do not try to combine female and male roles, be yourself!
All these rules apply in exactly the same way “with a living father”, i.e. in a complete family. Just in this case, the presence of a father is another reinforcing, significant factor in raising a boy.
It is always assumed that if a boy is deprived of his father's upbringing, then he will definitely grow up not courageous, irresponsible and unable to fend for himself. But is it? The statistics say otherwise. Even in complete families where there is a father, very often men grow up who are not able to be responsible for their actions. The main thing is to observe some nuances in raising boys and bring them correct example to follow, then for sure they will become real protectors and reliable support for their mothers and wives.
positive example
Of course, the main authority and person to be equal to for a boy is always his father. It is he who, by his behavior and personal example, shows his son how to treat women, that a man must always protect his family, be brave and cultivate willpower in himself. A father for a boy is at the same time a rival, a friend and a support.
Thus, the child adopts all the habits and habits of his father. And when there is no such example in the family, it turns out that the boy has no one to look up to.
But even in complete families, there are situations when the father in the family decides absolutely nothing and is not an absolute authority. There are several reasons for this:
- a man is soft-hearted and obeys his wife in everything;
- abuses alcohol and is simply not interested in raising their children;
- is far from his family (due to business trips and earnings in another city).
We know many such examples, when even with the presence of a father in the family, their sons grow up with the wrong priorities and not always a good attitude towards a woman. Therefore, the most important thing is to show the boy from childhood good example a successful man who respects women and is able to take responsibility for his actions. For example, grandfather or uncle.
What mistakes should be avoided?
When the upbringing of a child falls only on women's shoulders, the responsibility increases many times. Because all the attention of the boy is riveted only to his mother and her behavior and mood immediately affect him. If the son constantly feels irritated or depressed by the mother, then this will affect his behavior too.
Also, the character of the future man is laid from childhood. Therefore, in order to avoid gross mistakes in raising a son who grows up without a father, it is important to reconsider your attitude towards him.
Several types of behavior of a mother who is raising her son alone
- Owner. Often expressions are heard from such mothers: “My child”, “I gave birth to him for myself”, “I know better what he needs”. This psychology and attitudes lead to the complete suppression of the child's individuality. Mom, in an effort to protect her child from everything bad and give him only the best in this life - to choose a suitable company for him, a specialty at the institute, and then a girl, suppresses the personality in the boy. As a result, it turns out that he grows up as a sissy, unable to think independently. Or, nevertheless, sooner or later it escapes from under the wing and does not live up to mother's expectations.
- Actively anxious. This is a mother who constantly worries and worries about her child. She does not know and cannot decide how to properly educate and punish him. Moreover, the ways of censure and encouragement are constantly changing. With this behavior of the mother, the child himself becomes restless, nervous and capricious. This is very debilitating to the child's psyche.
- Depressed mom. Such a mother always feels tired and depressed. She is always in a bad mood and with her whole appearance shows that there is no strength for the child. It turns out a situation when a mother perceives her child as a punishment and a heavy burden that she had to shoulder. Avoiding the child and depriving him of maternal love and affection, she is doing very wrong. Because it has a very negative effect on his psychological state. Such children often grow up with a developmental delay, withdrawn and unable to express their feelings.
- Mom trying to replace dad's authority. Any disobedience is suppressed and if the child is guilty of something, then severe punishment awaits him. Perhaps such a mother is afraid that the child will be spoiled and "get out of hand", so she controls his every step.
- Mom is a friend. This model of behavior is ideal for raising children. In such a family, the child grows up in love and care, where his interests are always taken into account. Mom tries to be a friend and does not suppress him with her authority. It is very important, however, that she remains cheerful and attentive towards children. Because she does not flaunt her constant discontent and irritation, because of her undeveloped personal life. Trust, respect and encouragement are the most important foundations of education in such a family. And prohibitions, demands and punishment are reduced to a minimum. Mom-friend accepts the child as he is from early childhood and tries in every possible way to develop his personality.
So how to raise a real man if there is no most important example for a boy nearby - his dad? Psychologists agree on this issue and give several recommendations to mothers in order to properly prioritize their son.
Thus, the entire responsibility for the upbringing of the son and his future character belongs to the mother. And only on what model of behavior she chooses for herself and her child, his future will largely depend.
In order for a man to grow out of a son, a good father, a worthy member of society, it is important to know how to raise a boy. Representatives of the stronger sex, capable of deeds and confessions, self-confident, courageous and courageous, grow up from little boys whose mom and dad found the right pedagogical approach. There are many subtleties and nuances that you need to know in order to grow good man, a comprehensively developed personality, a real man.
Raising boys
IN Ancient Rus' believed that women should not raise sons. This is a man's job. For noble children, tutors were hired, and kids from the lower classes rotated in a male environment due to early initiation to work. Since the 20th century, boys are less and less brought up under male attention, the care of children is shifted to women's shoulders. Flaw male influence affects the behavior of an adult son. Men become lack of initiative, cannot fight back the offender, do not want to overcome difficulties.
The psychology of raising boys
Courageous, strong and courageous men are not born immediately with such a set of human qualities. The character of the representatives of the stronger sex comes from childhood. The correct actions of parents, based on the characteristics of the psychology of boys, are the key to success, the answer is how to properly raise sons. Boys and girls need a different approach, because their psychology is different. In order for a son to become a worthy member of modern society, it is important to build respectful, trusting relationships with him.
Rules of upbringing
Each family may have different methods of education, but if the task of parents is to form a strong, responsible personality, then it is worth raising a son, following the following few rules:
- The kid should have self-respect, and not just follow the orders of the parents.
- Even a preschooler, not to mention a teenager, must clearly understand that everything that has been started must be brought to the end.
- Let the boys play sports. This is necessary not only for physical fitness, but also for the emergence of self-discipline.
- It is important for a child to cultivate resilience in case of defeat, while difficulties must be overcome by any means.
- Boys need to be taught a sense of responsibility, mercy.
Male upbringing
The role of the father in the task of raising boys is difficult to overestimate. If up to 4-5 years, the mother is more important for the crumbs, then after that she reaches out to her father. It is only through communication with his father (or other men) that the boy learns masculine behavior. Children copy the behavior of dads, because his moral principles, habits and manners are the embodiment of the standard of masculinity, an example to follow. The authority of the father, the attitude towards the mother determine how much the boy will love, respect his future family, wife.
How to raise a boy to be a real man
Male character is formed due to different actions of parents. Some focus on study and books, others believe milestone formation of the personality of playing sports, for the third it is important to raise a child who loves work. Whatever path you choose, the main thing is to show the baby a positive example. Only your diligence, love for sports, responsibility will be able to show, bring up the same qualities in a child.
sex education
No less than the psychological aspects of education, the physiological aspects are important for the boy. From birth, monitor the formation of the genitourinary system, if problems are found, contact a specialist. The cause may be weak or excessive development of the genital organs, narrowing or inflammation of the foreskin, and other disorders. Hygiene habits are formed in childhood. For boys, uncleanliness can cause inflammation, pain, and swelling. Parents are obliged to form, cultivate good habits in a timely manner.
In addition to hygiene, sex education also affects other aspects. The task of the mother and father is to help the son understand his belonging to the male sex, to teach him to behave adequately in relations with the opposite sex. Children should get information about their sex life from their parents, not from peers or via the Internet. At 7-11 years old, boys should already be aware of reproductive function and childbearing, the upcoming puberty and the changes that await them. After the age of 12, teenagers need to know:
- about the existence of different forms of sexuality;
- about sexually transmitted diseases;
- about sexual violence;
- about safe sex.
How to raise a boy to be brave
If a boy is afraid of everything from childhood, it is highly likely that these fears will only increase with age. Parents should make a lot of efforts to develop the courage of the future man. To help moms and dads who want to see their baby fearless, a few recommendations:
- For confidence, education of masculinity and courage, the child needs harmony in the family. When mom and dad cannot come to a consensus, the child is at a loss and confusion.
- You can not praise and set an example for other children. Such a comparison can lead to uncertainty.
- Guardianship, worries about the son should be manifested in moderation.
- To develop courage, you need sports.
- You can't call a kid a coward. You need to teach your baby to deal with their fears, for example, with the help of a sense of humor.
How to raise a good son
Parents want to raise their son responsible, initiative, strong, but at the same time loving, caring and attentive. These natural desires of mom and dad are difficult to realize, but there are a few parenting rules that will help with this:
- support manifestations of independence, activity and other traits of a male character;
- be an example for your son always and in everything;
- teach your son to work from an early age;
- treat it reasonably.
How to raise a boy
When deciding how to raise a boy, it is important to take into account the characteristics of the child's age. You need to start from birth, and as the baby grows older, you will have to make more and more efforts. With the right attitude, your hard work will pay off. good results. At certain stages, the role of mother or father becomes more significant, but both parents must equally make efforts for education.
Raising a boy from birth
In raising a child under 3 years of age, gender does not matter. A child at this age most time with my mother, the connection with which is very strong. The Pope plays a secondary role during this period. Parents should behave in such a way that the baby feels safe. The kid, surrounded by love and care of his mother, grows up confident in himself and his abilities. Under 3 years of age, experts recommend not to visit kindergarten. Children who feel abandoned often show aggression and anxiety. To raise self-esteem, it is important to hug the child more often and punish less often.
At 3-4 years old
After 3 years, children begin to distinguish people by gender. The upbringing of a son at this stage should take place with an emphasis on his masculine qualities - strength, dexterity, courage. Boys need to make more efforts to develop speech. To improve communication skills, parents should talk and play more with the baby. For the comprehensive development of the crumbs, do not limit it when choosing games and toys. If a boy wants to play with dolls, then this will not affect his social role in any way.
At 5-7 years old
At this age, the upbringing of boys differs little from the previous period. Surround your child with affection and care, give him confidence, awareness own forces. Let your baby feel safe. Remind him of important masculine qualities, let him show tenderness and his own emotions. By the end of this period, the boys move away from their mother a little and begin to get closer to their father.
At 8-10 years old
In order to properly raise a son, at the stage of 8 to 10 years, it is important for the father to actively participate in the life of his son. It is important to form a trusting relationship that will clearly manifest itself in adolescence and older. Dad should not be too strict, as the child can withdraw into himself, start to be afraid of his father. Boys are interested in men's affairs, activities and actions of the pope. Even in this period, the son may begin to defend his opinion or territory by force. Avoid expressing negative emotions. Explain that there are other ways to achieve what you want.
teenager
Raising a son who has entered adolescence means instilling in him responsibility, teaching him to see the consequences of his actions, to correlate desires with reality. These are the main goals that parents of a teenager should set for themselves. The role of the father is still high, but an adult child needs to communicate with school friends and peers. You can also get masculine energy, get acquainted with the peculiarities of behavior when communicating with older men who are close to the family of a teenager.
How to raise a hyperactive boy
When it is difficult for a child to sit in one place, he is constantly distracted, acts quickly and impulsively, and there is a high probability of hyperactivity. Seek advice from child psychologist, get busy independent study question in order to properly educate such a special child. When raising a son with hyperactivity, pay attention to the organization of the daily routine, find him a hobby to his liking, support and praise your child. It is important to show tenderness, affection and care for sons with such a problem.
How to raise a boy without a father
Incomplete families are common in modern society. Mom should not feel guilty about the circumstances. To raise a boy as a real man without a father, try to compensate for the absence of a second parent in life with the attention of close relatives - an uncle or grandfather. The time spent in a male society will allow the child to realize self-identification, will contribute to personal development, strengthen faith in himself and his own abilities.
Video
Very often, mothers are left alone with their sons. How to raise a boy without a father? Raising a son is within the power of one mother, believe in yourself and do not think that the absence of a father will lead to an educational failure. You can raise a real man from a baby if you know how to properly raise a son without a father.
Someone came up with the idea that boys do not cry, and this is firmly rooted in the minds of people. There are many studies that have proven that the habit of hiding and holding back your feelings leads to backfire ranging from neurosis and depression to psychosomatic illnesses. Oncologists say that stress driven inside causes cancer.
It is very important to teach the boy to recognize his emotions and deal with them. Many men have trouble building intimate relationships precisely because all their feelings were denied as children. The ban on tears causes numbness and other feelings, a person loses the ability to empathize and care.
In today's society, the most competitive are those who feel people, are capable of empathy, and are able to recognize the danger posed by others. Physical labor is often replaced by intellectual, professions require developed intuition, the ability to build relationships and make contact.
How to help a boy understand the complex world of feelings, be in harmony with himself? There is a great pedagogical trick: name feelings. Speak out the child's emotions. For example, he fell and cries in pain, at this moment you hug him, stroke him and say that it hurts, it’s insulting, he fell, his knee hurts. The son came from school with a deuce, you see that he is angry. Your reaction: “You are very angry that you got a deuce!”. Such behavior, firstly, builds contact between you and the boy, strengthens trust, the child feels that he is understood, and secondly, it teaches the little person emotional literacy, helps him figure out what he feels and why.
Refrain from denying feelings! This is very important rule. In the same situation with a deuce, the denial of feelings will be: “Yes, this is nonsense! Why are you worried about some stupidity? With a fall: “Yes, you really didn’t fall, it doesn’t hurt you!” The child will not stop feeling pain and annoyance, but there is a high probability that he will no longer come to you with this, he will learn to hide and cease to be aware of his feelings. Let the child rejoice, cry, laugh and get angry, give him this right.
Down with templates
Provide your son with any toys, not just for boys. He needs to reproduce life situations, invent role-playing games. A doll that looks like your son will be a great gift. A baby doll will not spoil the boy either. You are not afraid that in the future he will become a good father? On the contrary, they would be happy about it. Don't beat "this is for girls" into his head like it's a bad thing. Allow your child to explore the world in its diversity.
No need to protect the boy from household chores. It is even more difficult for a single mother in everyday life, and the son should be a help. Children naturally have a desire to help their parents, do not suppress it. You can buy a boy sets of dishes, household appliances. There is a wide variety of such things in the toy departments. Let him have his duties around the house. Never redo the work of a child in front of him, do not pull the scoop out of inept hands. Give him the opportunity to learn how to take care of you and the house - this will be useful to him in life, and he will give you help and support.
Mom care
Often women forget about themselves, raising children without a husband. Of course, it is difficult to raise a boy without a father, and a girl too. But try not to live as a child, take care of yourself. You can honestly say to your son that mom is tired, so she will sleep for an hour and he needs to play alone. You can not buy the tenth car, because mom wanted something for herself. The child must understand these things and appreciate his mother. If from childhood you lay empathy for you in your baby, then later you will get a true friend, care and protection, and not an adult guy on your mother’s neck.
His attitude towards you is his attitude towards his future wife. If you wish your son a happy family, teach him to take care of the housework, respect other people's work, sympathize and care. If conditions allow and the child shows a desire, you can get a pet and entrust your son to take care of him because of his age abilities. Walking with a puppy early on Sunday morning will teach you to understand that there is not only pleasure in playing with a pet, but also responsibility for it.
Wise Mentor
It is good if there are men in your family with whom the boy will have a relationship. An uncle or grandfather can be a good role model for a boy. If these people deserve your trust, encourage them to communicate with the child, let him take him with him on business, to nature, to training. If there are no such people in your family, pay attention to teen clubs, circles and sections in your city. Any child closer to needs an adult, not a parent, who can share his experience, teach something, become an authority. Even an ordinary school teacher can become such a person.
In raising a son, it is important to pay attention to his physical, creative and intellectual development. If he shows interest, take him to the wrestling or martial arts section. Be sure to consult with the child, find out what he wants himself. Look up the history of the sport online. Many of them have their own philosophy, which is important for the spiritual development of a person. Sport, which brings up fortitude and determination, will be useful to the boy in the future.
It happens that the boy flatly refuses to fight. No need to insist. Choose something else. Maybe he likes dancing or gymnastics. The easiest way to make a choice is to have full information about the options. No need to decide for the child and put him before the fact. Take a trial class at different places Discuss with your son what you liked and what you didn't. By this you show respect for him, he will answer you the same. Pay attention to teachers, look for a strong and charismatic personality that can capture the attention of children and interest them.
Human education
One of the problems of incomplete families is that the child does not see models of human relationships between husband and wife,. In the future, this leads to the fact that a person does not know how to behave in his family, what it should be, rushes about for a long time in search of the second half. It is very important to tell the boy about friendship, honor, conscience.
Pick up good good books where the characters experience adventures, test themselves for strength, cry, laugh, love and make friends. They will tell you how. Try to find time to read to your son before bed. You cannot teach someone to love books by shouting and violence. In many families, they even bargain and pay money for the pages they read. But you can teach to love books only by personal example. The child will be drawn into the story, read in his mother's favorite voice, and when you do not have time, he will climb to find out what happened next. And what an incentive to learn to read for the little ones!
Personal space
Some parents are very sensitive to the growth of the child and his distance. This is especially true for single mothers. You can not make a child your partner, grow together with him. This is very dangerous for him and for you. While he is small, his mother is the center of the Universe, but this will not always be the case, and this is normal. Respect your son's privacy! If he asks not to go to school with him, but to walk him to the gate, there is no need to be offended and insist. Let him feel like an adult, even if he is a second grader. Let the child have the right to his mistakes and their consequences, for example, if he wants to collect a portfolio himself - let him. He forgot his notebook, received a remark - this was his misconduct, he will learn to understand cause-and-effect relationships. Another plus of this approach is that the child feels the mother's trust in him and his strength. If mom entrusted herself to collect a briefcase, then he can handle it. Of course, in different ages there will be different degrees of freedom, but they should be. Overprotection interferes with the normal development of the individual.
Younger students usually do not yet outline the line of personal space, but after 10 years it becomes important. No need to check pockets, read found notes, letters, personal diary. By doing this, you will undermine trust and shake relations with the boy. If you managed to become not only a parent for him, but also a friend, he himself will tell you what you need. But he has the right not to tell. Show interest in your son's life, but do not do it intrusively. If he sees that you are persistently climbing everywhere, this will encourage the teenager to close down and start hiding his life from you more carefully.
No war
No matter how badly the father of the child does to you, do not drag the baby into adult showdowns. Your phrase that “dad left us” can become a real trauma for the boy. Children tend to blame themselves for everything that happens in the family. The baby will begin to ask himself questions, why exactly did dad leave him, why did he not like him, and this is fundamentally wrong. A father will always be a father, and a child will carry pain and resentment against him throughout his life, including for his mother.
Try to be neutral, do not pour out all your emotions about this on the child. For kids, mothers come up with a story about where dad has gone, you can talk heart to heart with a teenager, avoiding rude assessments of his father. A grown child is already able to draw conclusions and decide how to relate to the situation. The father is part of the child. Calling the father unflattering epithets in the presence of your son, you seem to transfer them to your beloved child, without thinking about it at all. Do not involve the boy in your war, do not share your pain with him.
If there are relatives, paternal grandparents who love the child and want to communicate, there is no need to forbid them to see each other without good reason. The child will only be better if there are more people who love him. If you want to discourage communication, weigh the pros and cons. Ask yourself why you are doing this. If the reason is resentment at the former partner, irritation with his relatives, then perhaps you should step over yourself. A woman who is alien and hostile to you is a loving grandmother to your son. Moreover, while she is busy with her grandson, you can relax or go about your business. Do not refuse help, you need to protect and love yourself. Raising a boy without a father is hard work, but you can do it.
